When Feizal sat by me, I chuckled. “When John told us of his life, which of course included some facts about you, he told us that he is using the name Feizal so that I don’t learn who you really are. I could not sense he was being dishonest whenever he mentioned the name, which confused me. It seems to me he has become more of a wily Arab than an Englishman.”
1291
While pleasantries were exchanged, coffee for me and a coke for Wendy were served. Feizal, however, was impatient and, in his own eyes, rudely cut short the chitchat. “John tells me the trigger in his mind is no longer operational? Is mine?”
“I haven’t got the slightest clue - Feizal, you have not given me permission to enter your mind, so how could I know?”
“You will know all my thoughts…see my memories?”
“Neither memories nor thoughts - I would require specific permission for each before I shared from you.”
“While holding back, as you claim, you can still sense the trigger?”
“Yes, especially since I have already identified what it is like…the signature of the mind that installed it in John’s mind, it will be easy.” He gave his permission and I checked.
“I regret to inform you the trigger is still in operation and I want to take my time examining it before I get rid of it - mistakes would not be fatal, but it would temporarily be unpleasant for you.” I turned to Wendy. “Would you come with me? Perhaps you could sing to it so that it shows us how it can be switched off?”
This was one of those rare times I got it right the first time - only Wendy did not need to sing to it for me to get rid of it, she sang to it so that it felt as if its creator was dissolving it and it did not react in a negative way. Without a sigh it unravelled and faded away.
I was willing to put up with all the hoo-ha, if it meant that Wendy would be rewarded with what she wants, so I informed Feizal that we must return home immediately, but that we’ll return the next day for Wendy to hear their music. He wanted us to return with all our Cherinians and I promised to try and bring as many as I can. What perplexes me is that I can sense Ryan still wants me to ‘lock’ him away for at least ten years in that dimension vault of his!
“Are you certain Eddie will be welcomed?” Alki asked me.
I shrugged. “If she were not being so obstinately hostile, I’d even want Hettie to come along. Basically Eddie will be a full Cherinian soon, so it is as if he already is.”
Since all Cherinians were invited, I was just perverse enough to include Solomon and Ordinx, despite knowing the consternation it will cause. Cherine rushed off to our world and invited Mama Joe and then arranged a body for her - which looked like her body on Earth used to. This is going to be an interesting afternoon (Dubai time) and evening. In the end, it all paled in comparison to their reaction when they saw our alternates and learnt who they are and where they come from. It turns out that even Ryan had not believed the reports about another Robert and Cherine being with us, he’d thought it was something we were creating with our powers so as to confuse the organisation, in case they break through and install the trigger in us. Feizal was quick to grow excited about the idea and asked how he can travel to visit his alternate.
The introductions took a couple of hours, as Feizal felt he must introduce his family plus all his warriors. I noticed that his warriors, even his family, kept drawing away from those I’d brought back to life, with obvious feelings of awe and dread, and I worried about it, wanting to find a way to make them be accepted as the persons they are.
Ryan understood what Wendy wanted, so he had prevented Feizal from hiring the most popular singers and arranged for local village singers and musicians to be present - the older they are, the better it is, he told Feizal, since Wendy wants to learn their original music. Of course Feizal and all his family felt humiliated, until they came to understand how much it meant to Wendy and how happy they’d made her - though even Feizal with his British education could not understand that the treasure house of their ethnic folk music is dying out as the local villagers think it smarter to play the commercialised music of their top stars on their CD players.
As for the musicians, they had been told she is a singer, so they invited her to join them, amused by the idea of a foreign child trying to sing their songs. She asked them to keep playing and she’ll join them close to the end of the evening.
1292
Though Feizal found it difficult to think of the two girls as aliens, he spent time with them and asked a number of questions. Soon most other conversations died away and even my loves and I listened with interest.
“Solomon, you must have met some very interesting alien species, can you tell us about some of them?”
Solomon laughed. “Perhaps one of the most interesting I’ve met are those who call themselves Terrans?”
I grinned and called out, “I should have warned you Feizal, our alien friends have allowed my family to corrupt them and they have developed an evil sense of humour.” I then softly asked him to send out those who should not learn about the Cherinians and the aliens. He instructed the musicians and those serving us to leave, but to wait until they are called back.
After some banter, which only served to confuse and maybe frighten our hosts, Solomon said to Feizal, “I don’t know whether you would call them interesting, but there is one species which confused and troubled us for a time. We met them after meeting Robert, so our team visited them with the hope of helping them and informing them about the new light of our universe - Cherine.
The closest to the Terran way they name themselves is Thrimaítte. What I believe would strike any visitor as an important aspect of their culture is the depth of their religious feelings. It is only once we studied their beliefs that we came to know what drives them. Most Terran religions we have studied are based on faith and models of what is considered to be the perfect set of character traits for their followers. As an example, good is stressed over evil; kindness over cruelty and even disinterest. To the Thrimaítte, how they comport themselves during their lifetime is of no importance and they claim they do not need to have faith, for they know their god exists. They have no prophets, angels or saints; they only have a god and their god is the universe. Part of their worship is a strong need to understand their god, to know all they can of it. Unlike most species we’ve met, it is their religion which has driven them towards developing a science that they hope will someday teach them all there is to know about their god.
They know they have souls - and therein lies the problem, as far as we Sparklers are concerned. Their studies of the universe taught them that the perfection of the universe is tainted and often disrupted by life. They think of souls as being part of the evolution of life, enabling life to grow until it has corrupted the entire universe. For each of them, their lives are a sin against the universe. They do not seek to end their lives deliberately, for they will continue as souls, returning to re-infect the universe. Life in physical bodies is the time given to them for them to develop their science to the point where it finds a solution and permanently rids the universe of all life. We failed in our efforts to convince them that life and souls are the children of the universe, not an infestation to be destroyed.”
Samantha took a hand of Solomon’s and brought the fingers to her cheek as she told him, “When we have learnt how to travel through space, Robert will find a way to teach them how to love all of life. With Cherine at his side, he won’t fail.”
Gallantly Solomon answered her, “Don’t discount the importance of them having a Samantha with them.”
Sam blushed and to turn everyone’s attention from her, she asked Ordinx, “Can you tell us about a strange species from the past of your people?”
Ordinx smiled, “Samantha, you know my stories tend to grow long and convoluted - I am not certain everyone would enjoy a story told by me.”
Of course we all assured him we would enjoy a story - and once Feizal also joined us, he asked for a few moments to gather his thoughts. I was surprised at how much alcohol there was available at the party and that everyone seemed to be imbibing, so I decided I should join them since we’ll probably have hours of listening ahead of us, and asked for a cold lager.
Ordinx began, “Early in the history of our people, just after spaceflight enabled us to travel to distant solar systems within a reasonable time, we met the species I wish to speak of. My problem is, they have no one specific name for themselves and the person who wrote of them in our history books was not interested in analysing them as a species; she was more interested in the people she met and their story. I cannot recall all of what she said, word for word, but when I do, I’ll quote her directly.
1293
For our hosts and their friends, who have met me today for the first time, I should first explain that certain characteristics of our sexes are the opposite of yours. With us it is the female who is brave; it is the female who loves to explore new worlds. Us males prefer our books and music and greatly enjoy the study of abstract matters, such as poetry and social sciences. We males also are the spouse who usually devote ourselves to our children - with daughters being jointly adopted by other males, as it takes more than one of us to keep them safe.” He grinned at the disbelieving expression on the faces of the Arab soldiers.
“She wrote,
I am Geeta of the Sampoc village, pilot of the SS Afiena, Exploratory and Trade ship. Unlike most of the crew, I am eager to return home within a period short as possible, for I have a son of three years and do not wish to miss all his younger years. It is just as well that I am writing in my personal (family) log and not as officer in the ship log, or else I could not be as honest as I wish to be - for most of my writings.
We are travelling within our galactic whorl, for the distances between whorls is too large and would take a few lifetimes to cross, explore the other side and return. For us to achieve the m-speeds needed for reaching new, to us, solar systems, we cannot even slow to s-speed for sending greetings to the solar systems our species have already visited, but there will be no feelings of being slighted, as they know the arithmetic of lightyears-long journeys. At takeoff we had been warned of the war between the Sissen and the Grirtaf solar systems and though years will have passed since the news was sent to our planet and the war is probably long since over, we chose to travel in an arc so as to avoid flying through what could be sensitive areas, lengthening our trip by eleven days each way, Standard Anadir Time (sAt).
We have no information about the solar system we are targeting. There is a planet where conditions are likely to be suitable for life to have arisen, but there are no chemical or radioactive tags for us to assume they have an advanced technical civilisation. It is our ignorance which attracted me and led to my volunteering for this journey. I feel sorry for future generations whose journeys will lack the excitement and surprises we may still hope for.
Since departing our home system, the lighting in the ship has been adjusted to mimic the yellow but slightly orange sunlight of our destination. It is at times like these that I can almost envy the males and their way of seeing without eyes, for my eyes are constantly burning and I have to use eye ointment to soothe them for a few more days.
Our ship has dropped out of m-speed and we’ll be arriving at the edge of their solar system within five days. If no orders are issued, demanding we stay out of their system, it will take us another nine days to reach the planet we’ve identified as being most suitable for life. From this distance we are already able to confirm that there is life - carbon based, so it seems. A pity, I was hoping for something more exotic. I am just grateful that they do not have advanced technology; I’ve had enough of that and am looking forward to meeting a species who still live a more basic existence, with whatever twists they have evolved.
Once my job was done and I’d guided our ship to the most promising site, a town of about twenty thousand buildings, most of them being homes…so we think, I returned to my cabin and changed my clothing to suit the climate - and to get rid of the belts and sashes which are meant to impress non-crew members with my rank. Our captains and other officers are already doing their duty by attempting to impress the locals, so I just might be free to enjoy myself by satisfying my curiosity on my own.
Usually the differences are enough to make the plants of each planet unique, even if the general impression is similar. For instance, many worlds have grass, but of different shapes and tints. Almost all have some form of tree and bush - and on some planets they give the impression of having been designed by the nightmares of some psychotic elder. This world has its differences; the grass growing in circular bands, the thin stringy blades all leaning clockwise; this is so, where I am, due to the coriolis force. The local trees have only a few leaves, but they are immense, some hanging from the top all the way to the ground - other parts of this planet, where the climate is different, I learnt the vegetation looks different.
When I exited our ship, I noticed that the only guards were ours, the locals don’t seem to be worried about us walking around and learning about their ways, so I did not need to request permission to wander around. On other planets, we have dealt with species who appear to be made up of at least three different species, but here, our biology AI section have deduced that they seem to be made up of seven species, yet all of them, as far as I can see, are of one sex.
Since my internal AI was keeping me abreast of the latest news from the ship, as and when we learnt more details about our hosts, I was surprised to learn that the multitude of small, formless creatures that seem to be made of some kind of living jelly, are actually the youngest stage of the locals - I am so glad my fastidious nature prevented me from stepping on any of them. I will remark that once I learnt this, I found it disturbing when I saw older, other shaped individuals, dip a digit into the infants, digging out a piece to take a taste. At least I could not discern any signs of distress or pain in the infants. Still! It disturbs me. I must remember my training and keep to it…”
I cut in because of the horrified looks and exclamations. “Please keep in mind that we do not have the right to judge other species according to our instincts and beliefs. If they are eating bits of their babies, nature on their planet must have its reasons for establishing such a need - for instance, I can imagine that there is the possibility that infants which are not tasted don’t feel loved and grow up with a number of psychoneurosis.” I realised Ordinx was not emoting pleasure at my attempt to help and sensed he was blocking himself and waiting for me to stop talking. I blushed and closed my mouth.
One of the men, of the family of Feizal, asked, “Are the jelly babies the children of all the species mentioned, or are they of another species?” I’m sorry my loves, but I don’t think it was entirely my fault that I rudely burst out laughing. Ordinx waited for me to control myself, while the locals watched me with puzzled looks - at least my loves watched me with grins splitting their faces.
Ordinx dryly told us, “All stages of development, apart from one, are aware that they are all one species - just as I presume you are aware, despite the differences of appearance among your own families?”
1294
Sam asked, “Ordinx, do you mind if we ask questions during the narration, or would you prefer we keep them for afterwards?”
“If what is not understood is hindering your understanding of the tale, then I will be pleased to pause for explanations.” He looked around, saw nobody was going to speak and returned to his story.
“Geeta then wrote,
When I saw my first dead infant, I was horrified. I crouched to examine it and saw it had not been pecked to death. Instead, I saw tiny parasites wiggling within it. During that day I was to see a number of dead infants and I wondered why the adults do not bury or cremate the tiny bodies. I thought to myself, surely they must be aware that by leaving the bodies wherever they have fallen, they are spreading the parasites so that even more infants will die? I asked my AI to note for our social scientist my observations and thoughts for him to study (to my considerable embarrassment later).
I had wandered further than I’d realised when I met a Ghofens, which is what those of the sixth stage are named. Its features, if using the signs of age in my own people as a yardstick, give the impression of great age. It struggled to walk on three limbs, painfully moving them one at a time, its body swaying in a manner that worried me, for I thought it is about to fall over. It stopped to stare at me and once it saw my eyes were upon it, it gestured and slowly made its way in a circle until it was facing the direction it had come from. With a last look at me and a repeat of the gesture, it moved away. Mostly out of curiosity I followed it.
Geeta is not clear about what transpired in the next few hours. It would seem she lost her awareness of her surroundings and when she recovered, she found herself within a cave of ice. What seems to us even more remarkable is that her AI implant also has a time gap when it was not aware of exterior stimuli.
The ice did not look natural, at first I thought it was constructed of icy spiked cone-shaped icicles, half of them inverted so they would fit, but I noticed something strange, there were gaps which were unfilled by ice or any material, yet the gaps shimmered, as if they have a surface. I also seemed to accept that I am not meant to attempt to touch the ice. The floor resembled white grass, very soft and slightly warm as I sat on it.
‘Touch minds now?’
‘How? I do not know your language.’ I sensed it laugh. ‘Sorry, you caught me by surprise. The words in my mind sound as if they are of my language, yet I know I am speaking words that should be meaningless to me. Allow me to begin over - I am known as Geeta.’
‘This one waits for name, it is not time yet. When a free Cuinneara, I will name myself.’ (pronounced ‘Sinne-ara’)
‘Are you…am I here to be taught? Then I shall think of you as Teacher.’
‘What is taught does not depend on what I have to teach, it lies in your own wish to know, so naming me Teacher is not correct, better would be you name yourself.’
‘But it is allowed?’
‘What you can learn is allowed.’
‘Are there questions I am not to ask?’
‘What you can learn is allowed.’
‘Can you explain the intermediate stages of life, from the start of life to its end?’
‘It is not allowed.’
It took her a long time to understand that what was meant by 'allowed' or 'not allowed', had more to do with their ability to answer and very little to do with the meaning ‘forbidden’. For instance, her question was too broadly expressed - even to the point of not being clear as to whether she is asking about the host species, her own species or life in general. She learnt to break up her questions into tiny and specific questions. Even after hours of effort by both, she found herself still perplexed and not able to understand all she was taught - which her host explained by stating that if she does not understand, it means either the question or the answer is not allowed and new ways of examining either may be required. Finally, for the first time, Teacher asked her a question.
‘If your soul leaves your body, will your soul cease, will it become a Cuinneara?’
‘Not if I wish it to leave for a temporary visit.’
‘Your body?’
‘The same, it can last for hours, maybe up to a day.’
‘If the separation is a day for the body, but a full life of ours for the soul, both will survive?’
‘I think so - yes.’
Teacher pointed at one of the shimmering spaces between the icicles. ‘Ask your soul to enter and then allow my soul to lead it.’”
Ordinx hesitated and then spoke directly to me. “This is the first recorded instance anyone of our species has experienced the life of another species. Teacher seemed to be certain that her soul returned in time to the birth of the individual she shared from, while our scientists theorised that it is more likely she shared the memories. Still, in subjective time, she lived through the six out of seven stages and it felt as if she spent nearly twenty six years of ours in the sharing. The seventh stage, when they name themselves, is when they become Cuinneara, which we think of as souls. It will be interesting to learn whether any other species thinks of life as a soul as being only a stage of their physical existence.”
I was curious about something else. “At times when I asked you questions about your people, you did not have the answers, admitting you have forgotten much over the great amount of time you have lived in the void, and informed me you will find out the answer and let me know. How is it you recall the writings of Geeta so well?”
1295
“The entity of our World shared with me. It informed me that the sharing of the experiences of Geeta with you might be important to the development of the Cherinians, so I would have done so anyway. If our story grows too long, I can wait for when you have the time.”
I asked Feizal’s father, “Do you grow weary?”
In this the Arabs are just like everyone else; they love a good story and will stay up the entire night to hear it, if they find it interesting. I doubt anyone on Earth has ever heard a more interesting story, for we have never before learnt of how another species thinks. Finally it was Feizal who came up with the best suggestion.
“We are torn by our wish to hear the story, while also impatiently wait to hear Wendy sing and to hear the story of the Cherinians. We have enough beds, would you consider staying an extra night as our guests so that we have time for all you wish to share with us?” We were happy to agree, though some of our Cherinians would have to teleport to work and return later in the day, as soon as they can. As for the girls and I, we were happy to stay, especially when the girls learnt that they may go horse riding in the desert, should they wish it.
The musicians and servants returned and we were dismayed to learn that we were expected to feast again. Somehow we managed to eat enough for them not to feel hurt or insulted. Then the time for us to do a sharing with Feizal arrived and Alki took Wendy in his arms and placed her with the singers, whispering to her, “It is time, aidonaki mou (my little nightingale), break everyone’s hearts.”
She did, but though tears wet their cheeks, the singers and musicians couldn’t make the decision to stop, each time wanting to hear her interpret at least one more song. Finally Feizal had to put a stop to it and tell them she will sing only one more song.
Feizal’s father asked Dommi, “She has never heard our music before, you say?”
She smiled. “Ask our Chinese Cherinians, the first time they met her she sang for them, on her own, and though it sounded too strange to mean anything to us, they wept at the beauty of her song.”
He sighed. “For whatever good I have done, Allah has blessed me by allowing me to live long enough to hear her.”
Sam had decided she likes him (should I worry that she shows a preference for elderly men so often? - I’m kidding); she leant over and with a solemn look told him, “You will hear her again, many times, for you are not close to the end of your life. You will know I speak the truth when you wake up tomorrow morning.” None of us interfered and allowed Sam to send her healer - she instructed it to rejuvenate him to the appearance of about thirty five, so that he continues to look older than his son.
Feizal lavishly rewarded the singers and told those serving us to withdraw again, only allowing his warriors who already knew about us to remain. He then gestured, with a slight bow, to me, indicating I should take over.
“Meeting John has been a very strange experience for us. We had postulated the possibility of others with talents who are not part of the organisation, existing. However, we never imagined they knew of us and were sacrificing themselves to help us! Learning of this has been the most beautiful surprise we have ever enjoyed - heck, I still find it difficult to believe that people with hearts as beautiful as yours exist.” As is usual when I talk to a group, I had come to my feet and was moving about. Cherine came to her feet and I picked her up, comforted by the warm feeling of her against my chest and of her arm around my neck.
“We know that some of you do not speak English well and have difficulty understanding us, but if you allow yourselves to relax, forget to concentrate on the words, but allow yourselves to feel what we are saying and emoting with the help of Wendy, you’ll understand all that matters of our story.”
I sat with Cherine on my lap and Dommi at my side and the rest of our loves took over the telling of our story. Lua joined Wendy, humming and dancing to the spoken words, helping to bring them alive for even those who could not speak any English - though the presence of Claudia also helped. As they always do to me, I was overwhelmed by the beauty and talents of my loves and wept along with the audience. Cherine did not protest even once as I squeezed her to me, but she ensured her bright eyes could watch our loves from the first to the last second.
Once the telling ended, Eddie spoke, “If you will forgive me for spoiling the mood, I need to give warning of what could be the greatest danger we will all face.”
1296
I was instantly fully alert again and asked, “Are there other groups with psychic powers who are a threat to us?”
“I have not sensed any, I was thinking more of people whose powers come from generations of planning the establishment of a group of the elite consisting of a few chosen family dynasties. They are already well on their way to achieving success - learning about them is what made me think about the life I had been living and it showed me that I was turning into the kind of monster they are, so I gave up all ambition and withdrew, since I did not have the ability and financial strength to fight them without alerting the entire world to my own powers. They did not know of my abilities, nor of my organisation, only of my wealth, and after I rejected their overtures, they sent assassins. I was able to defend my wife and myself until we reached a point where they realised they would be better off agreeing to a truce - perhaps thinking they can deal with us once they are fully in power. Robert, if you have not watched any of the documentaries about the New World Order, I suggest you find and study them, sifting truth from what is plain alarmism. They have been exposing many of the secrets of those who are planning to take over the world, for years now.”
I had long ago, using common sense, as I put it, decided such stories belong to the kooks who somehow make money by appealing to the fears of the ignorant - I was amazed that Eddie actually believes in them. “You are speaking of the Illuminati?”
“I would not dignify them with such a title - they are neither the illuminated, nor do they attempt to illuminate others. Robert, I sense your…disbelief in such theories, but, keep in mind that even with all their powers and stranglehold on the media, they cannot prevent all information about their existence and their plans for Mankind being disseminated. The best way for them to counter the propaganda so that all who learn about them do not believe the information is true or take action, is by labelling them conspiracy theories. All who like to consider themselves sophisticated and better educated than the masses, sneer and make a joke of the facts and warnings they are given. I was approached to join them, so I know they exist. They may not have any special powers of the mind, but they are organised and they already control the banks and most governments - take the threat seriously Robert.”
There was utter silence as I lost myself within my mind, for I respect Eddie and if he says it is true, then I am certain it is. My biggest problem was that my protector instincts were not shrieking any warnings and I wondered why. I took a long time to arrive at some kind of theory I could find acceptable, and I may be forced to change my mind a number of times, but I think I am right to a certain extent.
“Eddie, I have a feeling it will soon be too late for their dreams to come true. At this time they can still win, but for as long as they do not learn about us and we have a decade or so to grow stronger, then it will not matter how advanced their plans are - whatever they have done to weaken the minds and wills of the masses, we can counteract the destruction they have caused by using our healers to provide all of mankind with perfect physical and mental health. For us to succeed and be immune to their hate propaganda, military and economic threat, the Cherinians must grow to number in the hundreds of millions. With Cherinians in every country, no government will be free to continue robbing us of our human rights, since they no longer will be in total control.”
Because Cherine believed Eddie, she suddenly saw the wisdom in what I had wanted and said, “Eddie, we must find all those who belonged to Hettie’s organisation. With another two to three thousand Cherinians we will immediately be a lot stronger.” She bit her lip and then added, very much against her will, “Robert is right, we need Hettie to join us.”
I am not certain I am right, for I avoided looking closely, but I think Eddie’s eyes glinted with unshed tears, as he told us, “I agree. Cherine, I will do all I can to help and serve the Cherinians.”
I was pleased when Samantha suddenly spoke up, “Only Cherinians are allowed to serve Cherinianism, for we each owe it to ourselves to care for and protect all other Cherinians. However, I do not like the word serve, we are not as any religion or class of patriotism; what is done by each of us, must only be done out of love.”
Our hosts did not emote clearly how they felt about what they were hearing, perhaps still not completely trusting Eddie. By now it was only a few hours from dawn, so Feizal personally escorted us to our tents. He had not realised that all my loves always sleep with me and they were split up into small groups of two, with only Cherine planned for sleeping with me. Once we were certain we would not be missed, we returned to our home.
1297
Sam and Aganthi left early in the morning and stayed in their tent until they sensed we should return, so nobody guessed we did not sleep there. Breakfast was light but more than enough and then we were taken on a tour and the girls were given the opportunity to go riding, as promised. I sat in the tent John is using and waited for Alki and the others to return. I could sense that John was upset at my letting the girls go off on their own, but I did not say anything to justify myself. Our three friends arrived from the void in time to join us for the feast prepared for us and we were amused to see that Ordinx chose to be a young man of about twenty - so that he can have a few extra drinks, I guess. Feizal had arranged for musicians from a different part of the Emirates and Wendy told us she can hear the differences in their music. She only joined them for twenty minutes, but it left all the locals half in love with her again. Finally Feizal gestured for silence and then courteously asked Ordinx to resume his story.
“I have a bit of news for our Cherinians, which I am certain they will not mind sharing with everyone. Our entity shared from me the partial telling of last night and realised from your reactions, the story of Geeta could also inspire our people. When I departed for coming here, our world was full of Anadir discussing the story and the excitement felt by all has made me feel optimistic about our future. Perhaps we will now share between us more stories from our past and, in this way, be reminded of who we were and look to see who we can once again become.”
Ordinx picked up a pea between his thumb and finger and showed it for all to see. “Geeta, at birth as Teacher, was about one tenth the size of this vegetable. She was laid in the center of a grass circle, where she was safe from predators who eat the very smallest of the Hahhi (infants). She was not aware of her parent as it did not stay to watch over her. The parent lays somewhere between forty to seventy infants and then returns to its normal business. There does not seem to be any marker, of scent or colour or shape that would enable the parent to recognise the infants again, yet the second stage of growth does find the Vornos (the name Vornos is used for both family and for the species itself - the species are also known as To-woow-wiho), from mixed births, clumping in groups of five to fifteen individuals and they become family for life.
As a Hahhi, my awareness from external stimuli was very limited, mostly I sensed the ground and grasses I travelled over, the lower part of my body excreting an acid for digesting whatever was edible. Sometimes I would come across minute rock hard grains resembling sand and I’d avoid excreting acid over them, even if they were within an area covered with food. I was lucky, for if I had travelled across a bare area and was very hungry when I arrived at food with the grain, I would have tried to eat the food while avoiding the grain, but my acid would have weakened the grain shells and the lifeform within them would have burrowed into my body, mostly ignoring my acid defences.
Memories of this period are vague, as I had not developed the ability to think and only stored images of what I sensed in an haphazard manner. After about three hundred and forty days, I barely moved, no longer voraciously searching for food. Sometimes I would spend the day without moving or else, I’d circle around and around in the same area. Then a large creature dug into my body and removed a part of me, which I later learnt is similar to glands in our bodies. When this happened I stopped moving, what little of a mind I had curled in upon itself and my body hardened, forming a rigid shell. We slept for about seventy days.
Geeta later learnt, when she achieved the mentioned stage, that the older, fifth stage Tarral, also benefits by eating the gland. It finds the taste almost intoxicatingly pleasant and the chemicals it absorbs help soften and rejuvenate certain cells, slightly lengthening its life as a Tarral. The intermediate stage of being encapsulated last for about seventy of their days
Born a Nanni as the shell breaks and is peeled from me, as I am made aware of the world outside myself, each fact becomes a thought and I sense myself, new in almost all ways, yet vague thoughts bear images of a past life when I was smaller and softer. It happens that it is a Tirrta of the fourth stage, of a female inclination, who frees me. Does the Tirrta tell me that it will use the pieces of my shell, selling them for other things it wants or needs, or is it a knowledge I bring with me? I do not try to move, for I am paralysed by the beauty of thought; by the wonder of existing for thoughts to exist. Then the beauty becomes exciting, which prompts thoughts that are different, for they are not just thoughts, they have a purpose - they are questions. Having removed the pieces of shell, the Tirrta gently straightens my four limbs, feeling for breaks. Satisfied, it stands back, pointing. It softly tells me, ‘They wait, find your family first.’
I approach a group of eight Nanni and there is a feeling, somehow I know they sense they are not complete, they need one more. They stare at me with dismay, for I am too soft, too weak, but they cannot fight their instincts and they accept me. As I move to be within the group, I wait for the feeling, soft but firm, a web of links to blanket us, draw us together so that we are family, no longer just a group, but I do not sense it and I see all eyes fix on me, as if blaming me for our failure. I had an hour for my bones to stiffen and then the unbelievable happened - another Nanni in search of a family approached us, though I did not sense it was called, and the others of my group turned as one and stepping away from me, surrounded the newcomer and I sense them become complete, a family.
The family return to me and, one by one, they slam their head against me or kick at my legs. A bone breaks, I collapse and once the last of them, the newcomer, has stomped on another leg, breaking it also, they leave, satisfied that they have made their point. I saw, later on, that they were punished for taking such extreme action.
Perhaps I should make clear what Geeta was experiencing, but I shall use my own words, for hers are confused and steeped in the memories of pain, both physical and of a rejection it is rare for anyone of the species she was sharing from to experience. The attacks theoretically were to be expected, since it is their manner of expressing rejection - though to our minds it does not seem to be required. Perhaps the fact of being rejected is so rare that for it to be fully comprehended it is necessary that the one rejected also suffers the physical form of rejection. However, Geeta assures us that the violence was only supposed to be symbolic and causing harm is not acceptable. Once the family had recovered their senses they were torn by feelings of guilt and after apologising and being punished by others, they then treated her carrier, ‘Teacher,’ with hostility throughout all the future stages.
1298
Geeta devotes a number of pages trying to explain what the experience of sharing was like. Most of the time, she says, she lived the experiences directly, as if they were truly happening to her, but sometimes she would sense the host, the carrier, as a separate being, and she would have even further cause to grieve for it. What made the sharing so intense was the fact that she did not often recall that she is Geeta of another species and it served to further confuse and cripple her thinking processes. For instance, she would often forget that her AI is not able to communicate with the part of it which remained in her body, and thus could not relay the information to the ship AI.
The injured Nanni was tended by a physician and the two legs were re-set, but they caused pain during all the stages - Geeta afterwards writes that at the time, she thought it may have been more out of psychological reasons than because of physical injury. However, as the being aged during its sixth stage, the pain became crippling, which suggests there was a physical reason for the pain.
At all stages of their development, the first hours, even the first day, the mind and emotions are hyper sensitive and vulnerable, which perhaps explains why Teacher did not search for another family after being so painfully rejected. Geeta was distressed to sense that even families which have lost a member to either accident or parasites, kept themselves closed to the possibility of accepting ‘her’.”
John asked, “If I may comment?”
“Certainly.”
“It is beginning to sound to me as if Teacher either chose to host Geeta because of the pain he has borne, or else his people did, because of their guilt and their hope your people will find answers for them.”
Ordinx smiled. “Often ethical minds run along similar lines - but I’ll leave it to the story of Geeta to answer you.
I am growing weaker day by day and I no longer care about survival. What would survival be without family? I barely notice that the Tarral (fifth stage) keep the other stages away from me as they try to coax me to eat. The Nanni and Refose (stages two and three) show a total lack of interest in me which I feel may be feigned, for if I was not guarded, I think their callow curiosity would unintentionally lead them into hurting me as they try to understand what pain is. Of the Tarral, there is one, shorter and plumper than most, who keeps me company more often than the others. I think of my companion as Happy. Happy has a jovial spirit and brings food to eat while with me. Happy often exclaims about the taste of whatever is being eaten and enthusiastically asks me to taste and share what I think of it. It is less distracting to do as Happy asks, for Happy leaning over me as Happy jovially cajoles and teases me, does more to awaken my mind than all the kindly arguments of the others. Finally I notice, as I’m certain I was meant to, that my jovial friend is spending almost all the daytime hours with me and I wonder whether the family of Happy will grow angry with me. Fearfully I ask and grief fills the eyes of Happy for a moment and then Happy asks whether I wish to learn the story of Happy and family. I agree.
‘I do not come from here, I lived outside the town, on a farm - I will show it to you later, as I think you’ll like it. My family were farmers, but I had no such inclinations, for I am not fond of physical labour. Loving me as they did, they created a job for me so that my ego does not force me to try my hand at tilling the land. I was given the job of keeping accounts but, of more importance to them was that they wanted me to keep a record of our lives. My dear Nanni friend, you may not know it yet, but this is an extremely rare occupation and I felt honoured.
Have you heard of the Adrafert? No? They are vicious creatures which hunt in packs and their favourite prey are our species, almost all the stages apart from that of the first, the Hahhi, and the last, the Cuinneara. They are eaters of flesh, not jelly, which is fortuitous, else they might have exterminated us many times in the early days of our people. It has been a long time since they have approached our farms and towns and are mostly a danger to us should we enter the wilds.
Most of our gatherer people who search the wilds for certain barks and fruits and roots of plants we use for various purposes, do so in areas with heavy rainfall, only rarely straying into the drier areas where the Adrafert hunt. Because of this, they did not notice that the Adrafert are dying out because of a lack of food. The species they hunt became infected by parasites and most of them died out. This happens once every twelve generations on an average, which coincides with the time that our orbit brings us close to our sun and there is an ancient theory I like, even though it betrays ignorance, or, as other Tarral tell me, it speaks of my immaturity so that I am as a Nanni, is that our world does it so as to limit the numbers of the hunter species in the wild.’ Happy has succeeded in interesting me and forgetting I no longer wish to live, I nibble at the sweet fruits he has placed by my side.
‘This year I am speaking of, it was the year of Approach and the Adrafert dared to hunt closer to our farms. On the day that all my loved ones were reaping our crop and I was preparing them juices of fruit cooled enough to help their bodies survive the Approach heat, I heard savage growls and the cries of pain and fear as my family were torn and eaten.’ The face of Happy dug into the ground so that I would not see the pain. I did not dare touch to comfort, so I silently waited. Happy finally looked up and I had a damp cloth Happy had used on me, ready for wiping off the dust.
‘My Nanni friend, can anyone know of the kind of pain and shame that filled me? That I should have remained hidden within the safety of our home while watching and hearing my family die! More than a seven hundred days of such pain and thoughts have tortured me and I have come to ask something of you that I desperately need. I cannot become family to you, but will you help me continue to live and find some joy in living by becoming my companion and friend?’
1299
Ordinx stopped, overcome with emotions. While he’d been speaking, Wendy felt what he spoke of and she hummed to herself, her arms tightly wrapped around her tiny body - and thus every single person who could hear or sense her wept for Happy and Geeta-Teacher. Samantha was close to Wendy and she pulled her into her embrace and Wendy’s humming faded away and she closed her eyes. It was so strange to see and feel the mother love for Wendy flooding our Samantha.
Though the strong Arab coffee was served to many of us (so different from the Greek coffee), Ordinx sensed everyone was waiting for him to continue with the story of Geeta. He glanced at Wendy and maybe he thought she is asleep, for he took up the story exactly where he’d stopped.
I, the Nanni, had not wanted to live, but I had somehow identified with the pain of Happy and it opened me to the love Happy was trying to offer me and feeling needed for the first time, my pulse strengthened as I answered, ‘Please.’
The town had made a small room available for Happy, at the time Happy entered town shattered and unable to think beyond the pain of grief and shame. Learning of what we have chosen to offer each other, they were astounded that something so unique could happen in their town and we were offered a real home. Happy found or was offered work for doing from home. The joy of others for the miracle of what was happening to us helped love grow faster and deeper and all I needed for enduring through each day was the sight of the warm eyes of Happy sending me love.
Happy saw to it that I did not just waste my days and ensured I went through most of the experiences a Nanni does, which helped teach me to think and filled my mind with facts. I still remember so clearly the day I told Happy that once I am a Refose (stage three), I want a job in thinking and learning, for there is more joy in that, that in anything else.
At the time I first met Happy, I was only beginning stage two, while Happy had been a Tarral, stage five, for a long time, so it is natural that Happy will be changing to become a Ghofens long before I am ready to become a Refose. Happy did not remain quiet about it and just hope things work out for us the way we want. I was encouraged to think about it and forced to face the possibilities I do not wish to think upon.
‘My beloved companion, being allowed to care for you is the gift of saihana (a tiny flower, venerated by them as a gift from their planet, which grows within the grass, providing the energy for all just-born Hahhi to stay alive and grow) and it has made it possible for me to live a life worth living. However, my dear Nanni, the time of change is more complex than many know, for few try to understand why we change, or that the changes, each of them, are small steps in preparing us for the day when we achieve the ultimate change and become Cuinneara. For most of us, such changes do not cause alterations that can grieve those who love us. However, it is known that when a life has been hard or filled with pain, the change can cause a twisting, with results none of us can foresee. It is important to me that I enter my change with the knowledge that should something go wrong with me, the love we have so freely given to each other will give you the strength to fight on…for my sake, if not for yours.’
The writings of Geeta about this time and of the efforts by Happy to prepare her for something going wrong are not easy to read, for even her emotions were shredded by the storm in the mind of Teacher. From what I understand, the more Teacher fought against accepting what Happy was trying to teach, the more persistent Happy became. Happy did not limit the lessons to the one subject, for Happy worried about the personality changes which are bound to occur in the Happy of the Ghofens stage. Those of the sixth stage are known to be a bit dictatorial in manner and they sometimes try to impose their will on those of earlier stages, thinking their long life and experiences give them the right to impose their will on younger stages.
Happy told Teacher, ‘However I change and whatever my reasoning for imposing my will on yours, promise me you will be strong enough to fight me and grow in your own way. I hope you will continue to love me, but do not allow me to use your love for me so as to alter you to some ideal you I hold is truer or better than you are trying to become. I want you to be a Cuinneara someday who reflects and is the sum of all your own decisions. The fears I speak of are not often true for families, for they tend to enter the Ghofens stage together, so they become opinionated and difficult at the same time…which helps them be tolerant of each other, for they know this time will end and when they become Cuinneara, they will have an eternity of loving each other without the limits imposed by our bodies.’
‘When I become a Cuinneara, will you still want me to be your companion, or will you have become once more a part of your family and I only an unwelcome intruder, to be sent away with jibes and kicks?’
‘You can think that of me? The love I feel for you, it is different from what I feel for my family, but it is just as real. With you, my love is for a friend…and none of my family who loved me, ever became my friend. It is true, if their souls are not pure, they will envy the love I hold for you, but I think they will rejoice for me and welcome you from the love they feel for me.’
When the time of transformation arrived, Teacher called other Ghofens to help smooth the transition for Happy. Teacher hoped that if the change is easier, the changes in the mind and love of Happy will be lesser. The change usually takes days, usually about seventy days. On the thirtieth day Teacher was crowded out, edged away until there were too many other blocking the sight of Happy’s distorted body. Pushing back, Teacher saw that Happy is convulsing and as his body jerks, the shapes alter - and then suddenly Happy stops moving and loses most of the Ghofens features so painfully gained. The helpers move aside as one of them explains, ‘The change failed, there was too much pain from the memories of the loss of beloved family.’ Finally Teacher understood that Happy skipped an entire stage and is now a Cuinneara.
Geeta writes:
I have now lived through the madness of a mind having to face an unbearable loss. I am surprised it did not affect my own mental stability on a permanent basis. There are people among us Anadir who have lost our loved ones, but I do not believe there has ever been such a total sense of being alone, of not having even one person to speak with, of being visible to another who can care. All that Teacher yearned for was for life to end - in the hope that the Cuinneara stage will join Teacher and Happy once more, this time forever.
1300
I, as Geeta, could not be sensed by Teacher, so could not offer any kind of comfort. The sharing was one way only and it was devastating for me. Until this time I had mostly felt as if I am one with Teacher and I was also in shock at finding myself alone. The others, of all stages, gave up on trying to stabilise and calm Teacher and they departed with the body of Happy.
I spent tens of days trapped within the maelstrom that was the mind of Teacher. I did not sense any instinct of self-preservation guide Teacher even once. At first a small number of volunteers tried to ensure that Teacher eats at least once a day or every second day, but they gave it up as a bad job and soon I could not see that anyone was interested in helping Teacher. I learnt from the mind of Teacher that their species will make immense sacrifices for each other, sometimes even for strangers from other towns, but their interest in helping someone who is in a self-destructive mood fades away after just a few attempts. I do not think Teacher knew the answer to my question and I still would like to learn whether they lose interest because they stop caring or whether there is a species instinct switching them off, because it only wants the strong to survive.
During this time, my AI did not stop recording, but it stores my impressions of the world, it is not independent of me, so it serves to show the times my mind was seriously jumbled by the suffering of Teacher. Still I was able to learn from it, for even when I was not able to process what I was experiencing, at least what I was seeing and hearing was stored in my AI, that part of it which is attached to my soul.
I have briefly made these notes of the conditions under which I was living so that it is understood there are moments I cannot explain. It is now time to return to the sharing.
The first sensations of awareness by Teacher were the pangs of starvation and weakness of the legs. It felt as if the healed breaks in the bones were about to fall apart. Teacher looked about in the hope that their home was close by, but there were no houses in sight. After a while, Teacher realised there were farms close by and Teacher recognised one of them. As part of the sharing, Happy had brought them to the farm so that Teacher could see where the slaughter had taken place.
Farming is not a popular occupation, so it was not a surprise to see the farmhouse still looking abandoned. Teacher searched the kitchen, but only when the pantry was discovered was food found. The little which had survived the parasites and time were mostly dried foods which needed cooking. Teacher, driven by hunger, tried to eat some of it, but quickly realised the food must first be soaked and cooked. Stored gas tends to leak out when left for a long time, but luckily there was still enough for Teacher to cook one meal a day for about ten days.
‘Happy, did you guide my legs for a reason? Do you want me to look after your family farm? I wish I was a Ghofens so that I can communicate with you.’
Just as with our species, Teacher needed to feel there is a reason for whatever happens and by talking to Happy, in Teacher’s mind there was now a purpose and it came from Happy. By the fourth day, stronger and able to think, thanks to a few meals, it occurred to Teacher that the family of Happy must have kept some coins in their home. A thorough search did not produce any coins, which explained why such a large family had only enough food for one person to survive for ten days. It was obvious others had searched and taken what there was. During this time I was more aware of myself as a rider in the mind of Teacher and I searched for feelings of bitterness that the neighbours would steal from the family of Happy, but I only sensed that it made sense to Teacher, to do otherwise would only be a waste of resources.
Teacher found, in an outer storeroom, seeds for a food plant and Teacher recalled Happy describing the seeds and the fact that within six days of planting they are mature enough to provide the first hollow stalk-like leaves for eating. Because Teacher felt that Happy is watching, the ground was dug as deep as it should be and the seeds were watered three times a day, as Happy had said is needed. By the fifth day Teacher was able to harvest a few leaves, boil them for a few minutes and then cover each leaf in mud and bake it. I was surprised at how tasty the baked mud was, but I found the leaves too sweet for my taste.
By the seventh day there were too many leaves for one person to eat, so Teacher gathered two baskets full, boiled and baked them in mud and went to the closest farm. He showed his produce and explained, ‘There are too many for me to eat and I need some variety. Would you be interested in exchanging with whatever you have in excess?’
At first I thought the other farmers were trading with Teacher out of kindness, for surely they must have an excess of the plant themselves, since it is so easy and fast growing. It turned out they don’t, they concentrate on crops that have a strong demand for them in the town. Also, Teacher scored by offering them cooked and ready to eat. Perhaps he is a talented cook, I thought.
Whenever Teacher found a farmer friendly enough to talk for a few minutes, Teacher would ask what else would be a popular product for trade. After Teacher managed to earn a few coins, seeds were purchased and beds were prepared for the new crop. Even with a range of four vegetables, Teacher did not have to work more than three hours per day. It also meant there is little danger of not having food to eat should the neighbouring farmers stop trading. About three hundred and sixty days passed and it was the closest I came to sensing Teacher content.
Teacher is not interested in expanding the range of produce, as there is a lot of work to do on the buildings. Teacher feels that Happy wants the farmhouse to be looked after, but Teacher does not ask why Happy would care. In a sense it is good that we cannot communicate, for I would have asked for reasons long before I’d thought it out properly. I have come to accept that what is happening is a survival mechanism.”
Ordinx stopped talking when boys appeared with trays of tiny cups and pots of coffee. We were caught by surprise when the girls each were served tall glasses of milkshake - each of my loves getting the flavour they like - we had not noticed Lua’s mother take two of the guards to London for the milkshakes. I grinned when I was served with tiny chocolate eclairs and cappuccino. Of course some of my loves complained in my mind that it is not fair, but I deliberately refused to share with them, knowing they are going to want to get back at me afterwards. I was glad to see Dommi join them, even though she doesn’t really care that much about the eclairs. I guess the opportunity to plot some kind of revenge on me is what she could not resist.
Eddie asked Feizal what he thought of the story Ordinx is relating and he commented, “In a small way it is disappointing. It is as if he is talking of some tribe of humans with strange customs. I had thought that the story being written by an alien, about a race who are aliens to her, we would find we cannot understand the story or their motivations. It is not so.”
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου
(Alexander Zenon Eustace)1st July, 2019
- posted on Steemit: 2nd July, 2019