“It all makes sense. I’m not too happy about changing my face though, it might be necessary that I be able to prove who I am.”
1001
“He sounds as if he is a weaker version of you Robert.” Dommi said. “It might frighten him to see you as you are, or to even know that you really exist.”
I told her, “Meli wonders whether we do, she suggested we might be living in a world of another Meli.”
“I am not really concerned about that Roberto. I can feel myself, the pain and the joy of loving, so I am real to myself.”
“Robert, I just asked your healer and it says it can give you a second heart. So even if someone tries to kill you and they shoot you in the heart, you will still live.” I saw the joy in her eyes and let it go without a comment. I decided it is like buying a bit of insurance.
“I have told my daughter and Annabelle has agreed to make Keith do the same. We want you both back. How long will you be gone Robert?”
“I am going to tell the protector to collect us in six weeks time.” I saw the pain in their eyes at the thought of us gone from the link for so long and relished the shock I was about to give them. “That means, we leave tomorrow morning and we will be back within the hour. You all forgot we are going back in time there. I see no reason why we should not come back at a time of our choosing. That is, unless you would prefer to have us out of the way for a year or two.”
Cherine is almost always the one who reacts when I try to provoke them. “I think I would like to test the knife on you.”
“Cherine baby, if you struck me, with a knife or with just words, I would be equally wounded.”
“And if I kissed you?”
“Now you’re talking my kind of language. I would put it where I store all your kisses so that I can bring it back to enjoy and strengthen me whenever I need to feel I am loved.”
Keith came over in the morning as arranged. As a way of greeting him I sliced at his arm with our sharp knife. I was shocked to see a trail of blood. He had wanted to keep his sensitivity as much as possible and had not maximised his toughening. I forced him to do so now. I asked my healer and it confirmed he has two hearts. The healer also increased the flow of certain antibodies and chemicals in us, hoping that way to enable us to survive any attacks.
I put in my pocket the cash I had, about two thousand pounds. I smiled at the thought that this money is, as soon as we arrive there, actually counterfeit (πλαστόγραφα), as the serial numbers already exist there. If any are discovered, there will be some very disturbed people, as both copies are totally genuine.
The protector collected the entities Solomon and Ordinx were sending and I felt a dizziness and collapsed.
As I came to, I saw Keith on his sofa, the glass of whiskey by his side.
He opened his eyes and stared at me. “It worked!! We are back!”
“Are you sure Keith? Did we ever leave, did we maybe just hallucinate our return to my world?”
He picked up his glass, “Damn, it’s warm, let me get some ice.”
He returned with two glasses re-filled and set them on the table. As he straightened up he whipped around and slashed at me with his kitchen knife. He aimed for my arm and the knife cut my shirt sleeve.
“Are you still hallucinating Robert?”
“Jesus! You got back at me so we are even, but I would not have had the courage to do it that way. I was intending to try to nick myself first, just in case we had lost the toughening.”
“You were not at risk, while in the kitchen I tried it on myself first.”
1002
I picked up ‘my’ diary and checked it. It still ended at my previous arrival here.
“We better take this with so as to return it to him.”
Keith called a detective agency and instructed them to find Robert Teller. He gave them my father’s name, suggesting he might know where his son is. We relaxed, drinking whisky and talking while supper was cooked. He then gave his dogs their meal and we sat for supper with a bottle of red wine. We both went to bed a little warmer inside.
In the morning, the first thing Keith said, was, “God! No wonder you were so broken inside last time. I had a terrible night. I miss our link and I feel such an emptiness where my Annabelle should be. How the hell could you stand it!”
I only shrugged, but my eyes filled at the memory of my grief and pain. It then reminded me of finding my girls all dead, the loss of their sweet bodies and I broke down and wept as he held me. He made me spend the rest of the day working.
“Until we hand over the farm, the work still has to be done. Animals have to be fed. Robert, I’m going into town tomorrow to find a farmhand to run this place while we run around looking for you.”
“You sound weird. Better not talk like that in front of others, otherwise you will get sent to the institution.” I pointed at the file with a grin.
We had to delay our own search for a couple of days while Cedric, his new farmhand, learnt the ropes. Soon as Keith was satisfied, we discussed our strategy.
“I have been thinking. If I was in his position, what would I be doing? I think I would choose to go to London. I do not know to what work though; I wonder whether he could be a pavement artist. If so, in the evenings I would probably be staying at home with my story. Oh, he lost his story, I wonder what he is doing about it?”
“Robert, something does not make sense to me. When you first came, you told me your father picked you up from the institution and brought you here. What happened to the Robert of this world, where was he?”
“Shit!! I’m stupid!” I hit my forehead with my palm. “Keith, when I was here I had the envelope with the hundred pounds in my pocket, but I did not have it when I got back home. I must have been in his body!”
“What happened to your body then? It did not stay at home with your girls.”
“I don’t know. I’ll ask the protector when we get back. That means he came back to his body and found himself in here alone. Luckily your dogs knew me by then so he was able to leave. Can you ask the people at the surrounding villages if they saw him and where he could have gone. Damn, if we had thought of this when we arrived, we probably would have found him hitch hiking on a road close by. Keith, why didn’t he take the file?” (P.S. I did ask the protector about my body, but it does not know.)
“The file was lying by the side of my chair, he might not have seen it. If he did see it, he probably did not want it - thinking it was just official papers of a time he does not want to remember. Ask him when we find him Robert. For now, let’s concentrate on finding him.”
We drove to all the petrol stations, villages and so on, asking everyone if they had seen my brother who looks a lot like me. Nobody had. We returned to the farm dispirited and we prepared to leave for London the next morning.
During the early evening the phone rang. It turned out that everyone was discussing our search and at the pub that evening a farmer told the caller he had given the lad a lift to the next town. He told the farmer he was going back to London, to Chelsea where he lives. After the call, Keith dialled up our investigator and gave him the news, hoping that by being able to narrow the area to be searched, he might find him.
Somehow I doubted he would. I can be pretty morose and anti-social. If he is like me he will be sitting at home, churning out sketches and tearing them up, wallowing in self-pity. Keith laughed at the mental picture I painted. We left in the morning for London and Chelsea.
1003
When we arrived, the first thing we did is rent a flat for two months so that we can come and go as we please.
“Where to now?”
“Places he can eat cheaply I suppose. We should also try the late night supermarkets. He probably also likes to sleep during the day and shops at some small shop in the evening. Keith, let’s get a couple of photos of me for you to show around. Thank goodness I did not agree to change my face.”
On the very first night of searching, I had an experience that shook me. I was walking in Chelsea, close to some bistros, and paused to look at some clothes display in a men’s boutique, when suddenly a girl of about nine to ten years old appeared by my side and softly told me, “Ten quid.”
I was taken aback, caught by surprise, because I’ve grown to rely on my Cherinian abilities, plus something else I find difficult to write of. I am one of those people who believe that there are no ugly children, whatever they look like. Yet, here I was confronted by a child whose face was already filled with blackheads and pimples and not one feature of hers, facial, limbs, fingers and body, attractive in any way. I think she has probably never had a bath and her hair was in a terrible condition.
Despite not having Cherinian abilities, my heart still responded with pain at the life I imagined her living and I may have started to stutter something between a question and an offer to help when she spun around and ran off at speed. I just stood there like an idiot!
The next morning I entered the kitchen for coffee and found Keith already eating boiled eggs with toast and Seville marmalade. He gestured, silently offering to share the toast, but I shook my head, made my coffee and sat morosely lost in thoughts.
He mistook the cause of my silence and tried to reassure me, “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”
I told him about the girl. “Experience must have taught her to act quickly if she does not see instant lust or interest…or, whatever. I can imagine how vulnerable she must feel, especially if she comes across a do-gooder who tries to grab her and hand her over to the police.” I stared at my coffee. “Keith, I’ve always felt we British have the best democracy and that our social conscience makes us one of the best countries, making life at least tolerable for the poor. How can such a child exist in such a country? It seems I was wrong, just like the third world countries, we also don’t have the will to deal with street children. We Cherinians must not allow ourselves to become like the rest of the world, our prime mission must be to improve the life of all children and to protect their hearts.”
Keith is wise enough to keep quiet and leave me to my thoughts when he should, but afterwards, he told me, “If we really mean to help the children, we must find the hearts who need us long before their lives have taken such a turn. Robert, we must not do it as Cherinians, the world will say they are grateful, but they’ll resent us interfering with their children. We must set up charitable organisations - people are used to them interfering.” What he said, it almost felt funny, in a sad kind of way.
We remained split up during our nightly searches, despite Keith worrying about me walking on my own, and spent three days walking, showing the photos and asking if anyone knows him. On the third day Keith asked an Indian shopkeeper who said he does not know him, but Keith had a feeling he is lying. We staked out the shop, spending the next two boring nights there. He turned up on the third night at about eleven.
I held Keith back. I wanted to know where he lives before he knows about us, otherwise, if he runs away and loses us, we will not know where to search again. I was getting worried, nearly two weeks had passed, we could not afford to waste any more time.
Once we saw him enter the building where he lives, we waited until someone else entered and we got through the front door. Keith showed the young guy the photo of my brother and asked in which flat he stays.
I was not really expecting him to open the door. We stared at each other and he looked as if he had been struck.
“Cherine sends her love to you.”
1004
“How…who, what is…how do you know?”
“I think this is not supposed to be possible, for both of us to exist at the same time in the same world.” I gave him the file. “Robert, it is not just a story. Cherine, Dommi, all of us, we really do exist.”
I had edged my way in so that he could not slam the door on us. He opened the file and saw his story. He flushed and suddenly he was in a rage. “You bastards...you bastards. You found this and you think it is funny to play a trick on me. Who set this up. Was it Fred?”
“I do not know your Fred. Look at me damn you, you can see who I am.”
He swung and hit me on the chin and then in the stomach. As his fists slammed into me, Keith grabbed hold of him. Even as he struggled he was crying and calling out “Bastards, bastards.”
I closed the door behind me. Suddenly he was icy cold, frozen with a new understanding. Keith let him go. He stared at us with hate.
“This was set up by my father. He wants me locked away forever. You can go tell the motherfucker it did not work. Now fuck off before I call the police.”
“Call them. Then you try to explain to them why we both have exactly the same fingerprints. Robert think. The last you remember, you were at the institution, dad picked you up, took you to the countryside and then a blank I should imagine. When you came to, you found yourself in a farmhouse. You were alone. There was an envelope with about a hundred quid in your pocket. The dogs did not bother you when you came out, they were even friendly. If any of that makes sense to you, then just give us a chance to talk to you. I am here not from your father, but to show that fucking bastard we do not need him.”
Soon as I stopped speaking, I took my first look around the room. I froze in shock. It was littered with pictures of my girls. The only fully completed painting was one of Cherine, as she looked back at me, wiggling her fingers. I stood in front of it lost in my memories and tears came to my eyes.
This, I think, more than anything else calmed him. He stared at me and for the first time hope came into his eyes.
“Maybe they were right. I have really flipped. I’ve made you come alive and you, I, you are really here.”
“You have not flipped. Everything you wrote, it was true. This Robert keeps a diary and you have been copying it. I can’t keep calling you both Robert.” Keith turned to me. “Can I call you Rob?” I nodded. “Robert, I think we better sit down, this is going to be a long story.”
“You recall in your story that the last thing you wrote was about Rob having a conversation in a dream…Rob, you had not written that yet, how did he know?”
“I have the same problem with the other person who is copying or writing our story. He seems to be able to write ahead of me. Maybe Robert is picking the story up from him, not from me.”
Keith shrugged. “What is important Robert, is you know that Rob had a conversation with Meli, he was attacked and in despair. He passed out and came to in the field. Your father had just hit him and he was on the ground. It was actually your body he came into - probably at the moment of your father striking you.”
Keith told him of what happened. Of my reading my diary, of my despair. Of how I stayed at the farm with him and of how I was finally able to return, taking Keith with me. I interrupted him.
“Since then, have you done any more writing?”
“No. It all swims around in my mind, but I have been too distraught to sit and write.”
“You know about Annabelle?”
“Yes. You really brought her back to life for Keith?”
When I answered he suddenly broke down. His whole body was shaking and it took us hours to calm him down. Finally he went to sleep and Keith and I sat staring at each other.
1005
“Keith, I am so grateful to you. He really is suffering.”
“Do you think it would be wrong of us to find the Cherine of this world, to let them meet?”
“What if she does not love him, he will be crushed. She may not have the gift in this world.”
“You have noticed he is younger than you? If she also is younger, then she will be a toddler.”
“Keith, we don’t only need six weeks in this world, not even six months would be enough.”
When Robert woke up it was as if he had regressed. He was almost in a beatific calmness. Keith whispered to me ‘shock’ and we went about getting him to eat and have a cup of tea. I was amused to see that he does not have coffee.
We spent the rest of the day talking and I saw the wonder in him. Then he became depressed.
“How could our lives have been so different! You fought back, you made something of yourself. You met Cherine and look what has happened to you. I’m everything my father says I am. I’ll never do anything with my life.”
“I think the wheel has turned for you. Just meeting us should help to show you what you can do. Robert, it seems that in this world, the psychic gifts we have in my world are not possible. But we, you and I, do have talent. You have chosen to become an artist and are still looking for the way to express yourself. I chose the easy way, I got into computer graphics. We each must do what suits us. Your painting of Cherine - I could never do that. You captured the spirit that won my heart.”
“The problem is, I love her too.”
“I know. In this world, if she exists, she is still about five years old. She is too young for you. Her gift probably does not exist here, she will just be a normal little girl and that means her father will probably not be killed. Things are different for you, find your own path, do not try to follow mine.”
Keith explained about the farm and the funds. We both saw he was overcome, the whole experience was too much for him to assimilate in one go. I suggested we go out for a meal and some wine. We could start with the attorneys the next day.
Once we had ordered our food, I asked, “Robert, if you are broke and you spent months in the institution, how is it you have your apartment and all your paintings? Did your father pay your rent for you?”
He gave a bitter laugh. “Him pay for my paintings of my fantasy world to be preserved? Of the little girls I love? No, at the time I was taken I had a friend sharing the apartment with me. He kept it going and only left once I returned. I still owe two months rent, so I don’t know for how long I’ll be allowed to keep it.”
“You don’t have a problem anymore, I’ll give you the money to pay the rents.”
He thanked me and then, almost diffidently, he asked, “Before you go back, would you do me one very big favour?”
I chuckled. “You want us to meet your father, rub his nose in it?”
“Rub it! I’d love to smash it.” He laughed. “In my story you are always saying you are crazy. You know that you are not, don’t you?”
“You know everything I have said, done and thought and you can say that?”
Keith laughed. “Robert, he treasures his ‘craziness’, don’t try to take it from him. We might all be better off if we all had a touch of his craziness.”
I asked, “I wonder Keith. Could he be having the problems he has because he has the same gift of loving without having someone to love yet?”
“I hope so. If he has, he will find someone to love.”
1006
We took him to the shops and bought him new clothes. Casuals and a few suits. He protested till I told him I want him looking successful for when we meet his father.
He spent most of his time asking questions about Cherine and the girls. He told me he remembers Dominique, but the special Sunday I had never happened with him. They had not grown into a close friendship.
“I guess I slipped up. I never realised she would be so important until I started to write your story. I thought I was being a pervert when I wrote about what I did to her. I thought I was just making up the story, until I fell in love with Cherine.”
After meeting the attorneys, Keith decided it would be better if he officially adopts Robert. We started the process and put an advertisement in the newspapers. As I secretly hoped, our father saw the advert. He called and said he is coming to see Robert. We agreed I must hide and Robert will meet him with Keith. On Robert giving the cue, I would enter - well, I guess we all know how good I am at sticking to the rules, don’t we?
When Robert answered the door and I heard his voice, I found I was shaking violently. I had not realised the depths of my feelings. I could hardly hear what was being said for the hammering of my heart.
“You said you never wanted to see me again. By the way, here is your hundred quid, I don’t want it.”
“This is the man who wants to adopt you?”
“My name is Keith…”
“I was not talking to you, I was talking to my son.”
“I am not your son! You disowned me long ago. You have never been a real father to me.”
“How could I be. Rob, you have been sick. I think you are still sick, you must go back for treatment.”
“Keith will be my father from now on and I do not care what you say. I saw you today just to tell you I hate you and never want to see you again. And that I am going to search for my mother and sister. I will find them and take care of them.”
“You are encouraging my son to live within his illusions! His mother is dead, he has no sister, half or otherwise! That only happened in the world of his madness. Why are you doing this? If you are a homosexual and are doing this to tie him to you, I will fight you in the courts.”
“I am not a homosexual, nor is your son. I will be dead within a short time, so I am in the process of transferring all I own into his name. I want to make certain you have no legal hold over him, that is why I am adopting him. You can protest all you want, go to court - he is an adult and has the right to decide for himself.”
“You are wrong. He has recently come out of a mental institution and the courts will decide he is not fit or competent to decide for himself.”
“And what determined that he is unfit mentally? The world that he wrote about?”
“Those are the writings of an unbalanced mind. I will have no difficulty in proving him incompetent to decide for himself. A man who daydreams of having super powers and fornicating with children!”
I could not wait anymore and entered the room. “Perhaps I will then have to appear as a witness on his behalf.”
He stared at me in shock. I did not give him time to stutter his questions.
“My name is Robert Teller, son yet not son of yours. You exist on my world, though thank god you have stayed out of my life. I am the one who fornicates with children and marries them. I am the one with the super powers as you called them.” I held out a sharp pointed knife to him. “Here, take it and try to cut me. If I have no powers you will have the satisfaction of seeing me bleed - you would love to wouldn’t you?”
“You are crazy, the whole lot of you are crazy! You get a look-alike and expect to fool me!”
1007
“Then use the knife, here, cut my arm if you are afraid to stab me.”
“You know that no sane man would do that! I do not understand what you expect to gain from this charade Rob. To have arranged this, shows you are even more disturbed than I had realised.”
I cut in, “I grew up hating the name Rob because of you. Do you know of any actor that would take the chance of being badly cut? So, call my bluff, cut me.”
Wildly he swung and slashed at my chest instead of my arm. He cut through my shirt. I took it off.
“Try again.”
This time he tried to stab me, his eyes wild. It hurt having the point stab into me, but he could not cut me.
“Just in case you think the knife is a trick, try cutting yourself.”
He stabbed it into his arm and screamed.
“That is a nasty cut, Robert. Get some antiseptic, quickly!!”
“I don’t have any.” Robert replied.
Our father lashed out at Keith, a rage and madness in his eyes. He tore the clothes but could not even scratch him. Keith stood there stoically allowing him to. Suddenly he lashed out, hitting his arm and making the knife fly out of his grasp.
“Enough! The point has been proven.”
I smiled at Keith, “Making puns at a time like this?”
Robert stared at me and suddenly smiled. “No wonder the girls say you are crazy. You find this a joke!”
“So do you, I can see the smile you are trying to hide. The joke of course is this man who has dared to call himself a father, but never had any love to give.”
“That is not true! I’ve always loved you Rob.”
“He might actually be right. I think my father is different from yours. He left me at the boarding school, but he did visit now and then. When I finished he tried to make me take a job and even helped to find me one. It was not what I wanted to do. Robert, he loved me, but he always belittled me, made me feel I was not worth anything - how could I be when he made me feel like I was useless!” he cried out.
I saw the shock in his father’s eyes. I felt devastated, I had made an assumption and I had been wrong. I sat down heavily with tears in my eyes. “God what I would have given to be able to say my father loved me.”
Keith too was dismayed. He stared a moment and dashed off, running down the stairs.
“I do not know how to address you. You are his father not mine, so I cannot call you father. It would not seem right to call you Mr Teller, nor to call you by your first name. I am so sorry, I should have realised, just like he is not exactly the same as I am, I should have realised you are not the same as my version of you is.”
He sat nursing his arm that was obviously hurting him, while staring back at us, his eyes flickering backwards and forwards over his son and me.
“The story is really true?” His voice was pleading for the truth.
“Yes. I think I better explain. Please let me talk, tell you everything without interruptions - you can cross-examine me afterwards. I will not ask that you believe, I just hope you will. I will carry on from where the story he wrote ends, since I know you read it.”
1008
I told of how I came here to find him standing over me. I went through my agony, of meeting Keith. I did not tell the story of Keith and Annabelle, but told of how he had loved and lost his love and that pain had helped me reach my protector. I explained the reasons for our returning.
Keith ran back up the stairs with bandages and medication. Our father let him cleanse the wound and bandage it while I finished off my story.
“There is an important difference Robert. I do love my son. I cannot believe there is another copy of me who does not love his son. In my world things happened as you said with your mother, the only difference is that when she found herself pregnant and knew I would immediately know it was not my child, she committed suicide. There is no Laura in this world. You are surprised I remember the name? Do you know with what pain I read the fantasies of my son, of how I wished they had lived?
You are right. I am a cold man. I lost the love of my wife and then lost her. That left me with a huge unreasonable fear that I would lose my son also. I came down hard on him, wanting to strengthen him so that I would not lose him as I’d lost his mother. Through it all I have loved him, even when I despaired of him. He is all I have of the woman I still love.”
I saw no need for us to continue with our plan. “Keith, I do not think it is necessary for you to adopt him. Give him the farm and the income. Running the farm will be good for him, the responsibility and work will strengthen him. In his free time he can paint. Robert, I hope you will also paint my other girls. If you can capture the magical essence of them as you did with Cherine, that will bring all their magic into this world for you.” I turned to his father. “I do not have the right, but I would like to call you father. Dad, let this all happen, let Robert find peace and his own path. If you cling less fearfully, I think you will have a son to be proud of, to love openly.”
“A man who makes love to children, even if it is they who choose to remain children, I still find it difficult to accept and find it distasteful to be called dad by you. However, what you say about my son, if you and this man can do this for him, I will be grateful to both of you. Will you be returning to our world?”
I chuckled. “You see how easy it is to sound crazy? Whether I return or not, please remember your son somehow is able to tap into my life, he too feels the love I feel. Try to understand him Mr Teller, do not condemn him because of me.”
“Mr Teller! I think the ‘dad’ bit sounds better.” I laughed at his wry expression.
“Keith, there is magic in this world after all. Who would have thought I would find a father worth loving in another world! Dad, you have brought peace to my heart also, thank you.”
“Perhaps you should search for your father, talk with him. You may find you are wrong about him too. I know I can appear cold and unfeeling, I have difficulty in showing emotions, but it does not mean I do not have them.”
I told him, “In my world, if you have the emotions, I will be able to feel them.”
We spent the rest of our stay in London, meeting both of them daily. We then took them back to the farm and I saw the pleasure the old man took in it. I took my alter ego aside.
“Robert, maybe at some time you could ask him to join you here. If you marry and have children, I think it will soften his heart. He needs to be needed and loved.”
His father also looked for an opportunity to find me alone. “Have you hated your father? I would understand if you have.”
“You read the story. Do you recall when Cherine looked into me and said she had not found any hate in me, that I was incapable of hating? She spoke truly. No, it has always just been a hole of pain and fear in my soul.”
“I asked Rob to let me read the story again. Perhaps I should call it your diary. I think I understand a little more. One thing does come out very clear. It seems that you have a gift, that even when you do something for the wrong reason, when you have misunderstood the situation, you seem to be able to cause things to turn out right. I owe you for bringing my son back to me, even if you had intended to take him away.”
1009
“I never intended to take him away, how could I? I thought you had thrown him out of your life, I just wanted him to feel he belongs somewhere, to give him confidence and a feeling of being loved.”
He shook his head. “His art, I saw his painting of your Cherine. He does have talent.” There was a note of wonder in his voice.
“How could he not, he takes after me after all.” I teased.
He smiled sadly. “No, in truth, he takes after his mother. She was able to see beyond my coldness and love me. If you had not married her off to that Greek, I would have pleaded with you to take me back to your world. It is better this way and it is a comfort to know she lives and is loved. Give Laura a kiss from me, I am horrified to think of her having sex with you, but I am glad she lives too.”
A slightly blushing Keith, cut in, “Mr Teller, please forgive me, but I overheard. If instead of condemning, you try to understand, you may at first see that it was not possible for things to be otherwise with our Robert, then you might find there is beauty in people loving each other so deeply and it will not seem to matter that they are children. Do not forget, they will be children for a great number of years.”
“That is what has helped me to be less absolute in my condemnation. It is strange to think that my son and I, our grandchildren if we have them, we will all be old and dead and on your world none of you will be much different to what you are now.”
I looked at Keith and I guess he saw my thoughts, shaking his head.
“Why not Keith. Could they not perhaps live in a world of Meli’s?”
Our father put his hand on my arm. “You mean well. Maybe one day, when my son too has found love, has grown and become stronger with self confidence. Not now please.”
“I understand. Dad, we only have a few days left here. Keith and I need to travel, we will return to you before we leave.”
Soon as we were alone Keith wanted to know where we are going.
“When we returned last time and I found my girls dead and I helped bring them back, I buried my grief for their sweet bodies, but I was never able to stand over their graves and say goodbye to them. I still have the pain in me Keith, I always will. Only you can even imagine how I feel, knowing I killed them. I thought you might want to go to the grave of Annabelle, say goodbye to her. Make your peace, not with her, with yourself. I would also like to find the Cherine of this world. See how things go with her. Oh Keith! What about my Wendy!! Must she go through the same torture in this world?”
“If Cherine is only about five, then Wendy will only be about two or three.”
“If I could save her mother...”
“What are you going to do, kill the father?”
“How? He has not committed a crime yet…Keith how can I kill him just because I know of what he will do?”
“Perhaps another solution can be found Robert. As for the ethics of it, if Wendy’s mother were my sister and I had knowledge of what he would do to her, I would kill him. I do not look at newly growing weeds and say they have not destroyed my crop yet. I pull them out in advance before they can destroy.”
“That is a very dangerous idea. I do not like it, not when dealing with humans. There may be another way to handle this though, what if we get them away from him, shit…he would find other innocent women to kill with his disease. At least we have time to agonise over it. It is such a relief knowing I can return at the time of my choice.”
“Why not return after the mother should be dead. If she is, you return earlier and solve the problem.”
1010
“I do not want that time to have ever existed!” I laughed, “What a tangle when emotions are involved. Keith, many would say emotions should not be involved for the choice to be the ethical one, I do not agree, what makes human beings special is not just their ability to think. To be able to feel emotions is equally important.”
He did not show his emotions, but he sat at her graveside for nearly two hours and when he returned all he said to me was ‘thank you’.
I knew where my Cherine used to live as a general area, not a street address. It took us most of the day to find the address. I counted my money and saw I had just over eight hundred pounds left. Keith gave me what I needed. We wore our suits and drove up to her home in the late afternoon.
“Yes?”
“Are you Marian?”
“Do I know you?”
“Who is it honey?” I felt such a relief when I heard his voice.
“My name is Robert Teller. I need to speak to both of you. It is about your daughter.”
“Cherine? What about her?” She looked at me suspiciously, her face hard, especially when I lost control for a second and my face twitched as I fought to blank out my instant joy at knowing she does exist. Her husband came to the door.
“They want to speak to us about Cherine they say.” She turned to me, “Are you from the police or the press?”
“Neither. I …”
“What the hell is this? How dare you come and upset my wife with questions about our baby girl. She died because she was not given the care she needed at the hospital and…” He stared as I collapsed. I hardly heard as Keith talked, on my knees racked by sobs I could not control.
It was as if I was back in my own world, the knowledge that my Cherine was dead calling me to the void. Keith must have sensed what was happening, for he suddenly swung with great strength, slapping me until I put up my arm to stop him.
“Don’t you dare die on me now. Fight back Robert, you can do it.”
At my obvious distress her parents were totally confused, but told Keith to bring me in. Marian made some tea. I only sat staring at them bleakly, unable to think of anything other than that my darling is dead.
“I do not understand, why is he so distraught?”
“It is difficult to explain, please just believe me, he loves your daughter.”
“That is nonsense, how could he love my little girl - he has never met her.”
I looked up at them, my eyes still filled with tears. “I married your daughter. I come from the future. I had wanted to give her a gift.” I pulled out the thousand pounds and dropped it. “How could this be? How?”
“Pull yourself together Robert, your Cherine is still there for you.”
The parents looked at us with fear now, convinced we are crazy. I did not care, all I could think of was, how can I change things by going back into the past without creating a different reality.
“Don’t you see Keith, that is why there is no magic in this world. She is the spring that brings our gifts, the power. I have to go back and save her.”
As in my world, Marian was the hard one. “You better leave now before I call the police. I don’t know what you two are up to, but you are scum to try and use the death of our daughter to pull a scam on us.”
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου
(Alexander Zenon Eustace)29th May, 2019
- posted on Steemit: 29th May, 2019