I was not surprised when he began to shout at us, for we could feel how it was his fear and also his pain that were driving him wild. He told us that this is unnatural; how dare we do something like this. Do we think we are gods? And so on.
381
“Nicko. Are you going to shout at the babies too?” I stopped, aghast, my heart breaking. “Nicko, look! This is the first time Diana has ever cried and you are the one who has given her that pain. Do you really want that?”
He was immediately on his knees in front of her, his anguish in his eyes as he pleaded with her to forgive him. Her slim fingers touched his face and he rushed out to the garden, where I found him still trembling from his emotions.
“Nicko, it has been done. Maybe it was not right and maybe we will be struck down for our hubris. I think the girls made a mistake, they did not foresee the effect of what they did, but they are still children and they did it out of love. What should we do? I would rather die than have her not exist anymore.”
“I’m sorry. I was not thinking, I am an idiot, stupid!! I should have thought of how I would hurt her. Robert, I did not think I was so much a slave of the religion I grew up in. How can I take my words back? How can I take those tears back?”
“Become her uncle. She is like a painting of extraordinary beauty that you cannot have, so do not think of her as a woman. But think of her as a child, a little girl who needs a friend and an uncle too.”
“She is my sister too?”
“Yes.”
“Oh Robert. This is not good. She will be a pain in my heart forever.”
“For her sake?”
“I will try. But it may be better I stay away as much as possible.”
“No Nicko. There are too many people here who will miss and need you as part of our lives. I know I’m asking you to do the impossible, that the stones on this path are very sharp, but would you not have the babies grow up knowing and loving you?”
Once Nicko had left we sat as if still under the pall of his outburst. I turned to Diana, hoping she would understand my reasons.
“To me you epitomise all I would or could dream of. I knew that you were beautiful, but I did not understand the effect your beauty would have on others. I want your permission that from now, whenever we go out or we have visitors, you allow me to project, making you appear less beautiful.”
“Will you still see me as I am?”
“When projecting? No. But I will not need to, the image of you is engraved within my heart. A thousand years from now and it will not have dimmed. Diana, you were not just made for me. You are a part of me. I love and will love you forever.”
She stared at me solemnly, a glow to her cheeks, and her thumb came to her mouth. As she was about to start sucking it she realised what she was doing and stopped. I smiled. “That was the Wendy in you? I love it when she does it and if you need to, it is okay for you to do it too.”
The sweetness of Wendy won the day back for us. She lay herself with her head on Diane’s lap and, almost purring, closed her eyes, sucking her thumb. Diane sat staring down at her and I saw the jewels of tiny tears on her eyelashes. We all felt her feeling of having been accepted and our love rushed out to her.
382
Chapter Forty Seven
The ceremony had the same simplicity and touching beauty of our first one. As we had a number of guests this time and because we wanted everyone to give all their attention to Alki and Marian, we did not marry Wendy - and she was understanding about it. Themi was there, with my mother standing close to him most of the time (the girls agree, it seems likely we will be up at this church of ours fairly soon for them). Nicko came too and if he was puzzled or disappointed when he saw Diana as she appeared now, he tried not to show it and was even able to be friendly with her. The surprise of the day was when the parents of Dommi asked to come. Dommi spent most of the time with her mother, who held the one baby, and her father who had a full time job of loving both the babies whenever he could get them.
This time we had a video camera and normal cameras. Marian was glowing and Alki looked as if he were in heaven. We had to take it very slowly up and down the hill with my healer carefully watching an eager Marian as she was almost ready to give birth.
We arrived at the house and there, after cutting the wedding cake and the traditional waltz by bride and groom, we held a formal ceremony, using documentation I had made on my computer, where we all witnessed the adoption of Wendy by Marian and Alki. Cherine did an impromptu speech accepting Wendy as her sister, seconded by the unborn baby. The four of them (five) sat together for their family portrait.
After a few glasses Alki became emotional, embarrassing me with hugs and expressions of love and gratitude for my changing his life, giving him two families of his own. I pointed out that he should not be thanking me, it is Cherine who is responsible for everything. This got him to hugging her, which must have been more pleasant for him, and she sent me her little promise of getting back at me - which by now must have become obvious is synonymous with a promise to give the other indescribable pleasure. A strange way to promise retaliation, but so apt to our way of existence.
Now that Diane was the projected version, I felt at ease and was able to chat with her. I joined her in the garden and as we talked I received a new surprise - she is actually very intelligent. Behind her quietness is a very sensitive and bright mind. I thought it best to ask her directly, rather than hide behind my finger.
“Di, you keep hearing about how you were created. How does it make you feel?”
“In what way? You mean, does it upset me?”
“Yes.”
“Should it Robert? Remember, I have many of the memories of them all. Should I have preferred to have a father like Wendy’s? Or a mother like Cherine’s - as she used to be, I mean. How many children are born because they, especially they, as they are, were wanted. Robert, my mothers made me as they wanted me and because they wanted me. I come from their love, their minds and their bodies. Oh, you did not know? Their healers took cells from each of their bodies and started me.”
“Thanks for telling me that, I was having a problem understanding how you could come into existence out of thin air, at least I now have some kind of excuse for justifying how it could be done.” She chuckled. “So you are comfortable with who you are and how you were born. How about their purpose in making you?”
“I found in Dominique a romantic belief that for every woman there is one man somewhere. She is happy because she found that one man. Cherine is more cynical, but at heart she believes the same. Wendy and the babies, they actually believe you choose who you want to love, but I think their attitude is also immature.”
“And you?”
“For me? My beliefs are coloured by the way I was made. I was made to only love you. As a man I mean. I can love my mothers and I think I could love Alki very much - but I do not know yet if that is because of who he is or because you all love him. Robert, I know I should not like the fact that I do not have the choice of who I fall in love with, that I was born loving you, but I can’t really build up any resentment over it and I don’t see why I should force it upon myself artificially. At least I have a good man to be in love with.”
“If it helps, I was not given a choice either.”
383
“That is sad isn’t it Robert? Wouldn’t it be more special if we loved each other because we wanted to? You know something...” she looked up at me, looking deep into my eyes, “when you did not just take me as your lover, but said you wanted to ‘woo’ me, I think I fell in love with you a little bit on my own. The girls had shown me you have an instinct for doing the right thing, but this was so sensitive of you, you were saying my feelings mattered, you did not just accept what was ‘programmed’ into me.”
“By making, I prefer the word ‘creating’, you to be my ideal, I was also in a sense ‘programmed’ by the girls to love you. Maybe I was not being so sensitive to your needs, maybe it was my own need to feel I have freely come to love you.”
“That is another reason for me to love you, I did see what happened when we went shopping. You were wrong in what you told Nicko. I did notice the reactions of the men, even of the women. I did notice how Nicko felt. He is attractive and I do have memories of him that make me love him also.” She suddenly burst out laughing, a mischievous look in her eyes, “Can you imagine the reaction of my mothers if I had fallen in love with him?”
I smiled back, but from the lurch in my heart, that momentary awful feeling of fear, I knew that to lose her would have hurt me. Thank goodness the girls had not fully linked her so she did not pick up my reaction. The girls however did turn to look at me and I signalled ‘privacy please’. They respected it but were worried, how could Diane have made me feel that way? I decided I will not share with them, it might do them some good to wonder about it.
Still, I told Diana the truth. “I can. The trouble is, I can also imagine my reaction. It would have left an awful emptiness in me.”
“Oh, you must be so happy then to know that I cannot, since we all know it is impossible for any of us to love someone outside the circle.”
“Is that what the girls think? Don’t take it as a given fact. It is how we hypothesised it is because of our linking so closely. Nothing has been proven and part of what we believed has already been proven wrong by our loving Wendy. I won’t count you, since you fall under the accepted possibility of our children becoming a part of our circle. I also got my first doubts when I saw how Cherine felt about Pavlo.”
“Oh him! She can love him as a friend, a brother, never in the way she loves you. There is no way she will ever love another man. Not Wendy either. Or me.”
“Not Dominique eh?”
“I think if she could, then I could. With her it is strange. She came in loving you as a normal woman loves a man. Then she found Cherine was part of that love. Then Wendy and now me. I think she is a little confused, but her love for you seems to have been growing all this time.”
I watched her a moment, pleased by my thoughts. “Diana I think you are not just going to be my love, I think I have found a friend, someone I can talk to. I treasure that as something special.”
“If you really like me, I think I will grow to love you with all of me. I was not made, I think, for you to like me.”
“It does not matter. It may be better we do not analyse how and why we feel as we do. Maybe sometimes we should just enjoy feeling the way we do.”
“Will you feel like this when I look the way I am or only when I am like this?”
“If I can love you, looking this way, does it not mean my love is real? You knock me off my feet, I get breathless just looking at you, but if we have built a rapport, a friendship, maybe that will not be such a bad thing eh?”
“How long will this take Robert? The others will suffer until you start making love to me.”
384
“And if we make love for them? What then? What about us? No Diana. When we are ready, it must be good for us first. Speaking of memories you said you have from the girls, when you say you remember the tortures of Wendy, does it mean it is as if you also have lived through them?” Luckily she was not linked to me and could not sense how my heart was pounding at the idea of her also having suffered everything the girls have.
Diana looked inwards and explained, “Maybe I could make them real for me if I really wanted to. I don’t want to try, the girls did not share so as to make me suffer and they would feel guilty if I did take their pains for myself. When I see what they suffered, I do so as Diana, seeing how Wendy or Cherine suffered - you do know that Dommi also suffered? That man, Apostolos, who she left for you, he is a hard and sadistic bastard.”
I was amazed to see tears in her eyes for Dommi’s memories, instead of for Wendy or Cherine. I grew determined to share from Dommi - and realised I have never shared those memories because I am still jealous of him and smarting at the thought of her with him. In a way I had been allowing him to keep us apart, preventing us from becoming one as we want to be - as we should be.
With a mixture of anger and grief I explained to Diana, ending with, “Thank you my love, we all owe you for helping me see the truth about myself…even if it shames me. I wish I could do something to make you happy also.”
“What you told me, it is not ugly, just a normal reaction and…a bit sad.” She touched the back of my hand. “You don’t have to make love to me to make me happy, will you take me dancing with you? I want to see all of you there - also the Kaleidoscope World.”
“You are part of it, so you will not see it, but you will experience being a part of it. To tell you the truth, I am almost afraid to do it. What if they have made your soul the same way they made your body. The girls are already so beautiful I can hardly bear it, how would I survive seeing you?”
“Why can’t I be a part of you like they can? I cannot sense what you feel or think.”
“I can’t either. That is within the province of Cherine, she does the linking. Without the direct link first being established by her, I do not think I can come into you...sense your body…which might be a blessing right now, since you are already affecting me too strongly for me to cope with my feelings.”
“Can you come into the world of my mind, like you did with Wendy, when you played ‘puppy’?”
“I think I can. You want me to?”
“Yes. Can you teach me how to come into yours?”
“I don’t know. Either you will be able to, or you will not, I think it is something you grow into as you experience us in your mind. Sorry.”
I sensed she was waiting. “What, now?” She nodded. “Sorry love, not with guests. Anyway, tonight is for them to celebrate their wedding and adoption. We better go in, our friends need us to be with them for their celebration.”
We only got home very late, with Cherine and Wendy overtired and weepy. I gathered them into my arms hoping to comfort them, but they moved away and their arms around each other fell asleep. I knew Cherine is capable of moving away from me if she wants to, but Wendy had never done something like this before. I wondered, is my little fairy girl changing?
Dommi felt the babies had got over-excited and she too slept apart from me, ready to jump up if they need her. For the first time, like for ever, I was sleeping on my own. Half an hour later I got up. I am used to their bodies holding to me and could not sleep.
I was not in the mood to work. I sat in the lounge, feeling too restless to read, but bored. I heard a sound and looking up saw Diana. She was in a baby blue cotton nightie and I realised I had forgotten to kill the projection.
“I’m sorry, I forgot. I will stop the projection now.”
385
“No. Don’t.”
“Why love?”
“It is comfortable. Please do not worry about Wendy, she is not changing.”
“She has changed. Ever since you…oh god, that is it! Diana, did she put a part of little Wendy in you, or all of her?”
“I think all of her. She wanted to be here.”
Maybe I was overtired for I too felt the tears begin to fall. I felt my Wendy, the one I have loved so much is gone. Now I knew why she is more like Cherine.
Diana did not speak, she just pulled me over so that I was lying on the couch and sat with her arm over me. I thought of my Wendy, of how special she is to me and I seemed to sink into a grief as if she had gone. Waves of darkness washed over me and I was suddenly adrift, lost.
When I awoke it was to find all the girls sitting around me. I saw from Cherine that the babies had called them to me. I thought bitterly how things have changed; once upon a time Cherine would have been the first, she would have been at my side immediately. I suddenly felt that they were all drifting away from me. Since they have become five, no six, they have become a unit of their own and I am an outsider. No wonder they moved away from me last night. I sat up, not in a mood to talk. I wanted a strong bitter coffee and to be alone; I did not want to share my pain and misery with them. I could only do so before because of their utter love of me; I cannot do so now.
“You are right Robert. Not for the reasons you think though.” I sat back and looked at Cherine; of course, she would be the one to know first. I could sense the news was very bad, partly from the pallor of her face. “We did not think it through properly. You know how and why we created Diana. We were so excited about our idea we just did it. We gave to her the best parts of ourselves, the parts you love the most. We did not think of the fact that the best parts of ourselves are the parts that love you. We thought they were only the parts that you loved.”
For the first time I realised what they meant when they spoke of ‘giving’ the best parts of themselves - I had only imagined they meant they had shared, or maybe cloned those parts. Her words made sense, but they also confirmed the emptiness within me. One stupid, innocent mistake and I have lost everything I treasure. I could not believe this catastrophe. It was too awful to bear thinking of.
I did not want to believe and tried to reason my way out of it. “Two nights ago, why weren’t you different then? Why has it taken so long to become obvious”
“We were full of passion. When I swirled the emotions amongst us, it was mostly your love and our passion. None of us noticed. We have all been so used to loving you that we had no reason to notice it was gone. If you had not noticed, it probably would have taken us a while longer. Oh Robert, what are we going to do?”
The bottom of my world had fallen away, I was falling into a deep despair. I tried to sound practical, but my heart was not in it. “There is not much we can do. Cherine, I had never realised our love could die so easily, but this I do know, once love is gone, it cannot be brought back just because we want it. With only my love for all of you still alive, I cannot rekindle your love for me just because I wish it to exist again.”
Diana was white as a sheet, we could sense she was in severe shock as she almost ordered Cherine, “It can be Robert. Cherine, you must take back from me what you gave.”
“No!!” I shot up in a panic. These were kids, they might take the easy obvious way. I had to make clear my feelings.
Diana ignored me. “Cherine, all of you. You thought you were giving me the best part of yourselves, the part that Robert loved most. You forgot that Robert does not just love part of you. He loved, he loves the entirety, the sum of all your parts. The good parts and those that may annoy him. Without any part of you he is robbed. That you made the mistake you did is even worse. You must unmake me, take back the parts that will make you whole again.”
386
“And I say you will not do it!!” I stood up, over them, full of my anger. “We do not kill our children. Diana is your daughter. You kill her, you kill me. Understood?”
“Robert, they will not kill me, they will just split me back into the parts I was made of.”
“Nonsense! You, Diana, you are a personality, a human being. However you came into existence. I will not accept this.”
“Don’t argue with him Diana. We know Robert too well. He will not give in on this, even if it means losing all of us. Anyway, there is no way we can undo what we have done, you are not just pieces of us, you are a person, you are Diana, our love also.” She turned to me. “Promise me Robert. Promise you will not give up and die. We may not feel the way we did, but we still need you.”
I stared at her in misery. “You will not cut the link?”
“I cannot. I would still die.”
My heart was filled with a heavy darkness. “So it is now a curse for you. To be stuck with someone you do not love in your circle.”
“It is not a curse Robert. Do you think we do not remember? You want to know something else? I can feel I do not love Dominique so much anymore, she is more like a friend now. Same with Wendy. Now that I say it, they see it too. You are the focus and without you we’ve become nothing again.” She began to cry. “Oh Robert!! It is so empty without your love in me.”
I cried out, “My love, my loves!! My love is still there for all of you. It is your love for me that is gone.”
“I meant that. I always thought the best part of our love was that you loved me, but it was not. What was wonderful was the way I loved you. Without that your love doesn’t mean…I’m sorry Robert.” As she wailed again I held out my arms to her, to all of them. None of them came to me. They all sat crying in their individual misery, not even reaching out to each other.
Their obvious pain and unhappiness galvanised me. It also brought the protector/healer. It/they projected the image of Diana in my mind.
“Cherine! You told me not to give up, not to die. Why are all of you giving up?” My tone was aggressive, angry. They all looked at me. Gently I asked, “You not only lost your love for me, you have also lost your faith in me?”
“What do you mean Robert?”
“There is a solution to this. Just believe in me and give me some time. You think I would give you up? Maybe I don’t know how, right now, but I will get you back. I will!”
My eyes on Diana I worried at the image projected to me. What had they meant, were they suggesting Diana is the solution? How is she the solution? I knew it is not anything that could harm her. I decided to confide my thoughts to them, maybe mostly hoping my little Cherine will see whatever it is I am missing or blind to.
“The answer lies in Diana. I do not know what or how. I need to find out. Listen to me, my loves. You made her too attractive. If I dance with her I may not be able to resist losing myself. Anyway, it is not dancing I want to do now. I will go into her mind, her world. Will you be ready to save me if I need saving?”
Cherine came to me and put her arms around me. Softly I heard her muffled voice, “Always my Robert. You are still my best friend.” I kissed the top of her head.
“Come Diana, if we work together we will find the answer. And stop thinking of sacrificing yourself, it never was and never will be an option!!”
387
The phone rang. Wendy answered. Soon as she heard the voice of Alki she began to cry. Gently I took the phone from her.
“Yes?”
“Roberto, what is going on? Our wedding night has been the worst night we have ever had. A total shambles. What is going on there?” His voice was so gentle and loving I could not hold it back anymore. The tears fell as I told him what had happened.
“Oh Roberto mou.” I heard the tears in his voice. “We are coming over.” He closed the phone.
“Alki and Marian are coming over. I hope you all still remember the love they feel for us. Let them be a comfort to you. Cherine, I’m depending on you. Keep an eye on me.”
Diana and I went into the bedroom and I lay her down and placed myself against her. As I held her tightly I stopped the projection. I took one look, smiled and kissed her lightly. “Have courage my love. Now, close your eyes and relax. You will hear me in your mind. Come to my voice. If you see two other white beings, do not fear them, they are the healer and protector.”
I sank into myself and flowed out of my body, aiming for her world. Once I was in I looked for her, but did not see anything. I called for her, but to no avail. There was nothing there, at least as far as I could see. I reasoned that there has to be something animating her, that when the girls speak of giving themselves, it was parts of their souls they gave, so she must exist.
I tried beyond the point where I should have given up when a silly notion came to me. I called for my Wendy baby. I called for her with all the pain and love I felt for her. The darkness in front of me seemed to waver and slowly a shape of light took form. It was my baby.
*Robbie?* *Yes my baby. You came.* I put all my joy into my ‘voice’.
She rushed to me and I cradled her in an arm of light, of love. There was a rejoicing in both of us and soon she was whip-lashing around me in a game of laughter. I chased and teased and every so often our motes of light mingled, exchanging the love we felt. Once she had tired and settled in my ‘arms’ again I asked her if the other part of Wendy could also come out to visit. As she affirmed it was possible, the knowledge struck me. The surge of emotions in me frightened her for a moment so I had to calm her. I asked her to go and get all the others, to bring them if they love me. She left.
I called to the healer and explained my discovery. It had been watching and agreed with me. I outlined my conclusions and my plan and felt it was met by approval so I joyfully turned from it to await my angels.
This is what I had realised: Diana had not been able to meet me because the girls had not properly integrated her into one entity. She is still the sum of their parts, only superficially one. She has been integrating on her own, but the process, without help, has been slow.
As they all appeared I saw the outline of what is Diana and within that the forms in miniature of all my loves, even the tiny sparks of my babies. I explained. I told them I can help to integrate them. The ‘Diana’ persona, the thin gauzy shape of it refused my offer.
*Diana, you are thinking if they do not integrate they can be returned. You are still thinking in terms of sacrificing yourself. It is not necessary. Let me tell you what I am thinking of doing. It will be poetic justice of sorts.* I had her attention at least. More my tone than what I said, but I was too happy to care. I reminded her of what Wendy had done, enabling her full integration. Suddenly I stopped. I had thought of Cherine. I groaned.
Diana wanted to know what was wrong. I explained that I had thought of integrating her fully, then with the help of my healer we would create sufficient mass that I could split off from her enough to return to the girls what they had given, only, instead of only getting back what they had given, they would all have the best of each other plus that of Diana herself. They would all become my ideal women.
388
She was delighted and liked it, overjoyed that her creation could result in the girls also benefiting from her, then she remembered my groan. I explained. Cherine is my ideal Cherine, with all her cheekiness, her stubbornness and empathy. I would not wish to change her. Nor any of the others. I reminded her of my grief when I saw how my Wendy had changed.
I could not do it.
The Cherine part of Diana pulsed, brightening. Her healer appeared. It wrapped her so that she was hidden from my view. It glowed like a pearl and started to grow. It must have grown again by half when a split appeared, like those views through microscopes of amoeba splitting. There were two parts of Cherine now, each smaller but perfect. The healer left the one and cradling the other it left the world of Diana.
Hope began to return. I knew why she had done this and nobody can feel or understand the joy plus the whole gamut of emotions that tore through me when my Cherine turned up. Her joy and love were a beacon that called to me. I had to control myself in my need to merge with her. We swung in a dance exchanging our love, the love we had feared we would never experience again. When I had more or less settled down, I realised my healer was already splitting the Dommi part and I knew she would be the next to return to me.
I told my healer to leave Wendy for last. She I wanted to do something special for. Once the babies had arrived too, I called out the Wendy part which had been split for returning to Wendy, and held my Wendy baby to me. I had realised Wendy will not able to grow as she should if the Wendy baby is such a strong part of her, but she does need to have a substantial part of her. I explained this and when I had their agreement I took most of my Wendy baby and sent her back into the Wendy part and sent that back to Wendy. Now she will still be my sweet Wendy, but hopefully more able to define her own needs without subjugating herself so entirely to my needs.
Now it was time to help my sweet Diana.
Chapter Forty Eight
There was a feeling of joy in the room as I explained to Alki and Marian what I had done. When I mentioned my plan and that I had stopped, Cherine jumped up. “You mean you could have made us all become like Diana?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you?” She looked as if she were about to cry. “It would have been so wonderful. Each of us would have loved you as much as all of us. Oh Robert!!”
“Oh Robert yourself! You think I want you all to love me the same? I want to be loved by Cherine in that special way that Cherine has of loving me. The same is true for each of you. Who knows what unique ways our babies will have of loving us. Could we sacrifice that?”
Alki shook his head. “Roberto mou, in your place I must admit, especially after the shock you went through, I would have taken that route, knowing they would all love me so deeply. I am proud of you. It was the right way.” Marian interrupted him to agree with him and let me know how pleased she was that I had not changed the girls. Alki continued, “I just do not know that I would have had the courage to stop myself, if, as you say you thought there was no alternative.”
“Oh, you know me by now, Alki, I knew there was an alternative, I just had not thought of it. Isn’t our Cherine wonderful though? Am I not right to place my trust in her? Even a fragment of her was bright enough to see the solution when I was stumped.”
We were too happy and grateful that the problem had been solved for Cherine to sound angry, but she did sound determined. “You had already taken the first steps to finding the solution. Robert, you always underrate your own achievements to make me look good. It is not right, your praise would be worth more if you give it only when I really deserve it.”
389
“You make me sad and proud my Cherry baby. You are maturing so fast. My praise was genuine though. What steps my own thinking process may have taken was not known to you at the time you thought of your solution.”
Almost as if she were getting revenge, Cherine told Alki, “Pappou Alki, you know what else he did. You know how Wendy is only devoted to him? He sacrificed the joy that gives him so as to change her just enough that she will be able to think more of her own needs.”
“It is true?” He looked at Wendy with an introspective look. “Roberto, if you could do that…you are a very rare type of man. Most of us would see being loved like that as something to dream of - you were more concerned about her happiness and her ability to develop as a full person. I am glad and proud of you, but I cannot help wondering, when are you going to do something just for the sake of Roberto. Do you ever come first?”
There was a hush, as if everyone were agreeing with him. I laughed, genuinely amused at them not seeing the truth. “Every time Alki mou, every single time. I have never really done anything for the sake of the girls. I just see what truly would be best for me in the long run - it just happens, because I love them so much, to be that it usually coincides with what is good for them.”
Cherine made a loud raspberry sound and they all broke up with laughter.
“Cherinaki mou, I think you just expressed an opinion on behalf of everyone here.” Alki said, laughing.
Seeing Diana laugh I felt I could not bear it anymore. Diana had integrated and there is that same beauty in her that we saw in Wendy at the time of her integration. This has added a glow that is making me dizzy with my love and need for her.
“Diana, have I wooed you? Will you be mine now?”
Her eyes lit up. “I have been since we had that talk. Oh my Robert.” Her voice was husky with emotion.
I felt the need of all the girls and knew after what we had been through they would suffer if I left them out. So I turned to them, letting them see the fever in my eyes, as they felt it in my blood. I could not resist it, I just had to tease them, even if I be called a sadist. “I want this first night to be for Diana and me, alone. The two of us should take the guest room - Alki, you should both take a sleeping tablet.”
I watched internally and looked at their faces as they tried to control their disappointment and hide it from me. I smiled, in an understanding manner, at them. “It should not be too big a problem. After all, you all love me less than you used to - about three-quarters as much?”
In a small voice Cherine said, “That is not true Robert.”
“But you took back smaller parts than you gave.”
“So what. When we dance and give of our love, when you gave of yourself till you had faded to save Wendy, did you love us less?”
I waited a moment, and straight faced, said, “Cherine, I do not know whether the others hardly ever say anything because they have nothing to say, or because you always get in first and say it for them.”
She screamed and jumped up, grabbing me by the neck and pulling herself until her legs were wrapped about my waist. I saw the joy in her eyes before she turned to the others. “He is teasing us, Robert wants us with them tonight.” As she plonked a big wet kiss on me, her mother and Alki discreetly left.
Dommi came and put her fingers to the cheek of Cherine. “Robert would sweetie, but, should we? Don’t we owe them this, a night to love each other and be one? It is their first time. It would not be the same if he also has to think of us.”
390
Cherine looked into my eyes with a quizzical look, as if trying to see the truth of what Dommi had said. I closed my eyes to avoid her. As she slid down from me I looked across at Diana. I saw her joyous agreement.
“Diana and Robert would be honoured if you would all join us in celebrating our first night of love. Dommi, you remember Ydra, how you could not stand to think of Cherine on her own? You were right. We cannot either. We really want you all with us - even though I suspect that with four of you having your way with me, I am not going to last for too long, probably be an old man by the time I’m a hundred.”
“Rosie and Tina say, just you wait until they are old enough!”
“Oh shit! Now I’m being threatened by babies!” That got them all laughing. It was the second time I had seen Diana laugh and the sound of it drove the nightmare of the last day far away. Nightmares do not belong in the same room as her. Not wherever my little magical dream girl is.
I stepped into the hot shower, letting the sting of it break the knots in my back muscles. I was totally immersed in the sensually relaxing pleasure when the others joined me. I kept my eyes shut, turning to let the water hit my upturned face. As I turned, startled, I looked down to see Wendy giggling. I had slapped her on the face. Cherine took hold of it and pretended to speak to it.
“So, is that the way it’s going to be tonight? You want to play tough with us?”
We were all trying to keep it light-hearted for they could feel the tension, almost fear, in me. I dried myself and then Wendy. As I knelt in front of her, softly drying her, I whispered, “I love you.” She looked at me and her eyes had begun to change from deep blue, darkening, as she replied, “And I too, with all of me.”
I took the baby oil and we returned to the bedroom. Diana was already there, sitting on the side of the bed in a bathrobe, her hair up. She had used the guest bathroom and waiting for me had made her nervous. The others each kissed her and went to the other side of the bed and held each other, giving the two of us our time, while remaining, being a part of it.
I leaned over to where her hair was raised and kissed the back of her neck. She shivered and moaned. Her fingers touched my leg and I too groaned. I realised this will quickly grow into an excruciating experience for the two of us - plus those who are directly sharing from her.
“How do I do this. Every time your fingers touch me I...”
“Yours feel like fire on my skin. Even your eyes burn me.”
I was not ready for nudity yet, even if Diana had been. “Lie on the bed face down. No, with the bathrobe on.” She did so. I gazed at her, trying to understand what it was that affected me so deeply. The looks, however beautiful, however perfect, surely could not be having this devastating effect? I thought then of all the men throughout history who destroyed themselves for a woman and wondered, could they have felt anything close to this?
Gently, my fingers trembling, I pulled at the bathrobe until her arms and back were bare. I forgot myself and just sat staring at her back. I’d never known that the supple beauty of a girls back could be so entrancing. Finally Cherine made a noise to bring me back to reality. I sent her a message ‘keep Diana and me out of any emoting you do, we can’t take it as it is.’ She readily agreed.
“Cherine, Dommi. This is going to be almost too powerful for us to bear. Are you sure it will be okay for the babies?” Cherine laughed and sent me their feelings. I would have thought such fires in such tiny bodies would have fried their nerve-endings to a crisp.
“Okay. Cut it out. Now I understand the threat of earlier.” I sent them a kiss.
I filled my palm with oil and gently began to rub her shoulders.
My touch was gentle and loving, but exploratory, learning where the muscles lay, where I could press with firmness, where to bunch up her skin and where to use little circular motions. I moved my way slowly down her back until I had reached the vee of her waist. My thumbs exerting pressure each side of her spine returned to her neck and then I lightly ran the back of my fingers down again, giving her goosebumps.
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου
(Alexander Zenon Eustace)30th March, 2019
- posted on Steemit: 30th March, 2019
If you wish to have your name added above, I would be honoured.
