“I would need to ask you for credit. I’m starting to run out of funds. I was not able to raise all the money I need.” I thought to myself, he is short because of spying on me, but quickly killed the thought.
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“From my fee, you’ll have ninety percent credit. For the rest I’ll have to ask Alki. If he agrees, would you have enough funds to launch and carry on for the first year?”
He was grateful, but still looked worried. “My biggest expense will be advertising and promotions.”
“I might be able to help with that a bit. There are a number of computer magazines who have asked me to write, either ‘how to’ articles for their readers, or for interviews. I have always refused till now, but I can agree, making my pages for your ISP the focus. It is the best way to get a bit of free advertising. I think I’ll find a few other ways to promote your company without it costing a cent. Then there are ways to get advertising at substantial discounts…I’ll check and let you know what can be done.”
“I don’t know how to thank you Robert. Especially after what I did to you.”
My heart skipped a beat, as I was slightly afraid to open this discussion. “Actually there is something you can do for me. It is very important to me.”
“What, just name it.”
“Those men I attacked. I’ve tried to get to them. At the government institutions where they are, as a foreigner I cannot get in. Could you have them transferred to a discreet private clinic where the girls and I could visit them - we’ll reimburse you the costs. You know from the tapes, so I’m not giving anything away, the girls and I would not go as ourselves.”
He was uncomfortable, as I was, but also confused as to my reasons. “Your camouflage. Yes. But why do you want to visit them. They cannot hear you. They are entirely catatonic.”
“I told you it was important. I have sent them into a hell they cannot escape from. Nicko, I have to get them out. We will not be able to do it over one or two visits. We will need to see them a number of times. Can you do it?”
“Me syngineis vre Roberto! (you’ve touched me!) I have carried their problem in my heart like a cross. I will arrange it immediately.”
I thought our meeting had gone very well. I now relaxed, glad. So he caught me unprepared.
“Robert. About Dominique and Cherine. Can we talk about it without upsetting you?” I felt Dommi freeze. Cherine did not react so I took that as a good sign. Dommi gave me the go ahead.
“Sure. If you’ve got some questions just ask. I will answer if I can, or I do not feel it intrudes on our privacy. You have recently become more of a Greek in your uninhibited curiosity, but you remember our British ways with regard to privacy?”
“The little one, Cherine, I can see the woman she will be. If she were older I think I would want her very much for a wife.”
“Nicko, that is the nicest thing I have ever heard you say about her, we all thank you.”
He was shocked. “You mean they are both listening?”
“I thought you realised. They are always inside me, as I am in them. You have twice seen the effect of not having them with me.”
He visibly pulled himself back together and then, with a grin, he did something no one else has done since our becoming telepathic. He spoke to Cherine. “Cherine I meant it. When you grow up, if you do not want him anymore please give me a call. I will come running.”
She sent me her face with her tongue sticking out, but I could feel her furious blush.
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“Nicko, she is flattered and asks I tell you that by the time she grows up she just might have to take you up on your offer. She will probably be bored of me by then, you know what a fuddy-duddy I am.” I grinned for his and her benefit. Cherine’s spirit is still too subdued for her to tease me back as she would (should) have.
“Thank you Cherine, I’ll be waiting. Robert, I find it difficult to continue with what I wanted to ask you, knowing they are listening.”
“I’ll ask them for privacy. We are very strict about respecting that.”
“No. It is better I ask and hope Dominique is not too upset with me - Cherine too. I think I now understand why you have to be the three of you. Robert, what happens if you get Dominique pregnant? If you cannot marry her, will you leave her to be ridiculed by society and give my parents another heartbreak?”
“Give me a moment.” I waited for the girls, for Dommi to tell me what to answer. They decided since he had raised the question I would have to tell him. I thanked them.
“Nicko, I was not going to mention it at this meeting. Please do not get upset, but Dominique is already pregnant.”
“I’m not surprised. It does not change anything does it?”
“Cherine is also going to have my babies one day. Do I marry Dominique and then leave Cherine and her children to be the outsiders? I cannot do it Nicko. I love them both, there is no way I can choose the one over the other.”
He nodded, but bit a nail as he worried. “What do we tell my parents? We cannot keep it a secret for long. Tell me how I can help.”
“That was why I wanted to talk to you about this. I’m grateful to you for saying ‘we’ instead of ‘you’. It touched the girls too. We can take a few days to think it over, if you can think of any way to make it easier for them, please tell us - even if you think it might make things difficult for us. All three of us do not want to hurt them. Nicko, I spent much of my childhood years loving them, they are the closest I’ve come to having a family, I really do care.”
I phoned Alki. “I have some news for you.”
“Robert, I’m in the middle of a meeting, can you call back in half an hour…no, wait, come to the office and we’ll go out for a meze and beer while we talk. You’ll be coming alone?”
“Yes, the girls are visiting Marian. I’ll take a taxi immediately to the electric train.”
By the time I got to his office, Alki was already in the middle of a pile of paperwork. He placed a paperweight on the one pile, grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and we walked down the stairs. He took me to a tiny souvladsidiko (a shop which only makes little kebabs), ordered three sticks for each of us and a beer each. Since it was past lunch time, there were empty tables and taking our beers with, as we sat, they delivered some salad and pita bread. With pleasure, Alki climbed into the salad, dunking his pita bread into the olive oil.
“You have news about the girls?”
“About Nicko.” I gave him the gist of our conversation. “I hope you do not mind my committing you without asking you first?”
He shrugged. “You have not offered anything I would not have. I am glad you have confided about the babies to him.” He stopped talking while he quickly ate all three of his souvlas, so I gave him my third one. Satisfied, he sat back. “This matter of Cherine becoming pregnant, it has forced me to think about the way I accepted your having sex with a child. I still find myself shocked by myself.”
“Alki, if you had learnt that I am having sex with a child, you would have reported me to the police and you would have been right to do so. I am not having sex with a child, which is why you did not report me, Cherine and I are having sex with each other. I do not think it can be said that either of us are doing this or that to the other.”
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He nodded. “I have understood that from the beginning. Still, it is difficult to adjust to. Now you speak of having sex with your daughters…the girls told Marian and we discussed it.”
I shook my head. “I will not be having sex with them, they will be having sex with me and I won’t have a choice. Cherine is right, they will not have a choice either - and in a way that makes me sad for them, our gifts are changing us Alki, and they are also taking away some of our rights, but I can’t see how I should fight what is going to happen.” I had noticed that he did not discuss the possibility of his making love to his daughter, but I kept quiet about it; it is for him to come to terms with his future on his own, I must not push.
We returned to the office and he gave instructions so that the various departments can set in motion the creation of the site for Nicko. Nobody showed any surprise when he told them that I am heading this project and they must report to me. In the old days I would have considered it a promotion, now I just accept it as being how it should be…for this site, and have no such ambitions for other sites we create thereafter.
Chapter Thirty
Alki got the letter we needed from a doctor. When they visited us, he took a look at my design for the tilting bed and then listened to my explanations of how gravity should be used to help with the birth. He nodded his approval - and so did Marian.
“I want Marian to use it also. Roberto, if your theory is proven right - as I think it is, I think you might have a winner here. If we can get the university to approve it, with a few well known doctors to endorse it, just supplying the private clinics would make you a fortune.”
“I’m certain someone else must be selling beds like this, but anyway, please never say that again. I am not interested in running any businesses. My only full-time job or career, is looking after my family. I do not know how you can bear to be parted from Marian so as to spend your day at the office.”
He grinned. “That was easily solved - on most days…when Cherine does not need her, I just take her with. She is a great secretary. The staff think she is the one making me look so much younger.”
Even as Marian preened, I moaned theatrically. “Oh god Alki. How could you do that!!”
His wolfish look was replaced by a puzzled frown. “Do what?”
“Set yourselves up for such a cliché situation. Boss screws secretary!” I ducked the blow I knew was coming and caught it from Marian. The girls were giggling so hard we all stopped to look at them.
“You poor man. Everybody keeps hitting you.” Dommi could hardly manage to get it out between her giggles.
“You see Robert, it is not just me. Everybody does it - to you.” They were off to a fresh round, now joined by Alki and Marian. I got up in a dignified manner and went to make myself a coffee. This made them get hysterical with laughter. I thought to myself, slaughter and laughter are only different by one letter, yet it is easy to see how laughter could slaughter, if not done with love. That gave me an idea for a graphic and forgetting everything I went and got started. By the time Alki and Marian left he was able to take a first draft with him.
The next day was Friday, our last together before Dommi left to spend the weekend with her parents. She had also arranged to have her friends visit her there. For some reason she will not invite them to our home…I’m not being honest, I understand her reasons and find it does not hurt. Once, when I was insecure of her love I would have been hurt and blamed her insecurity and lack of love for me. I have decided I should really re-visit our first love affair.
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Cherine spoke to me secretly, shielding us from Dommi. She asked me to please make love only to Dommi tonight. She will wait for tomorrow.
I told her, aloud, “Cheraki mou, se latrevo.”
“That sounded ugly.” Dommi laughed at Cherine’s kidding of me. She repeated my words and Cherine only looked at her, for some reason now overcome by her Greek words of adoration.
Alki phoned. “How am I supposed to use this? Laughter slaughter. It’s good, I suppose, but I don’t understand it.”
I explained my thoughts which had led to the picture. He groaned and then promised to think about it. We had closed when I had an idea. I called him back.
“Alki, I want to do something new. There are a lot of graphics I have done that you cannot use or were never meant to be used commercially. Your idea of displaying a few of my non-commercial works of art on the page about me is wonderful, but I’d like to extend the idea. Most of my paintings which are never shown tend to be the ones I love. I also have a ton of paintings I did for myself, on canvas and on screen. I want to set up a site with them. We allow people to download them for personal use, for free - many visitors will want them for their desktops, so we’ll have to offer them at a couple of resolutions at least. I think it will buy the company a lot of goodwill and give me a chance to see the reaction to my work, not only by the public, but also by my fellow artists. I want counters with a database that tracks the amount of visitors, what pictures they go to, how much time they spend on each and which pictures they download. Perhaps a chat board for them to comment could also be included? Can you do that for me? I will write a short note for each picture explaining what inspired me - if I can remember. If the site is a success, it means customers will think of me as a successful artist and my name as designer on their sites will be worth a lot more to them.”
“That is not a bad idea. I’ll get the boys onto it.”
Pleased as punch and with butterflies in my stomach I told the girls. It did not mean as much to them, but they saw what it meant to me and were pleased for me. As I looked at them happily, I wondered how many marriages would have been far happier just with the ability of the other spouse to understand something like this.
We dressed up and went to a small but very nice French restaurant in Kifissia. I tried, for the first time, the frogs legs in a white sauce. I was delighted, I loved them. The poor girls were disgusted at the idea of them and complained about being forced to endure tasting them as I ate. Then Cherine admitted she liked them and even took one to eat. Dommi did not like them and tried to time my eating with a sip of wine or a bite of her own food. That messed up my own pleasure of my new-found delicacy. I asked her to blank me out as I would do for her, so that we each can enjoy our own tastes.
Though, for all the patrons, Cherine was the perfect little girl, all prim and proper, she was a real monster, enjoying messing up our enjoyment of our food, making us laugh, and she laughed as I tried to get my revenge, then I had a bright idea. I ordered gorgonzola cheese and forced her to taste my eating of it. That was until Dommi pointed out to me that they have Crème brullè. It brought back some wonderful memories and as we ate it we restored our sharing of our taste buds. Cherine was an instant convert. I was not surprised that their taste buds were sharper and more appreciative of the flavour, thinking to myself that it was only due to their ages. Obviously Dommi ‘heard’ my thought.
“It is because you smoke.” They had not once remarked on my smoking. I was scrupulous about not smoking near them or in the house, always removing the smell before returning, but I was aware that they could still smell it on my clothes. Despite knowing she was wrong, since my healer would not allow my taste buds to be damaged, looking her in the eyes I took out the packet and lighter. I crumpled the cigarettes and left the lighter on the table. Her eyes sparkled for me. Then she took the lighter and put it in her handbag. My thrifty wife, I grinned at her.
As I came to bed I saw Cherine looking at me and something about her look made me think of a cat. I realised her eyes are green. *How did you do that? Are you trying to tell me you are jealous?* *A little, and I’m not telling.*
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I pulled the sheet off them and looked at their sweet bodies. It is beginning to show, more on Cherine. I gently stroked their bellies, hoping they can feel my deep love through my fingers also. I gradually concentrated my attention on Dommi. The changes beginning to happen in her body were erotic to me. I imagined how swollen she would soon be and I was instantly turned on (as I’ve said, symbolism affects me strongly). As she shared my visualisation of her and my feelings, she rubbed her thighs together. I felt what the rubbing did to her, and grinned at her.
“You are one hell of a sexy woman. Sometimes I wish I could just live my whole life inside you.” Cherine sent us a sketch of Dommi and I strolling in town, in the nude and with me having a crudely imagined long penis that curved over and disappeared into her nest. We laughed and suddenly our foreplay turned to a thing of joy, of teasing and playing in an erotic way. I love being able to make them laugh, it creates such an aura of warmth between us. Different from the warmth of emoting love and yet a part of love, of loving.
Cherine’s sea-green eyes were on us as she continued to augment our emotions. It gave me the idea and I thought of Dommi as a cat and decided to mimic the movements of one and told my healer to project for me. I rubbed my body in slow luxurious movements against Dommi and used my tongue to lick at her as a cat. She responded in the same way, approving of my projection of myself as a catlike human, so I projected her as a cat-woman and she began to purr as she rubbed at me in return. Our movements were sensuous and I loved the silky sensations of rubbing against her sinewy cat-woman body. I wrapped my long tail around her waist, the tip rubbing against her. Her claws softly scratched at my back and buttocks.
Unlike cats, we took it slow, luxuriating in long deep strokes, slowly building us up and up. She yowled at me, with teeth bared and our movements became a frenzy. I clawed at her breasts, pulling her into me, against my body, until we both collapsed. I then licked her until she was softly purring again, half asleep in her contentment. I gently dissolved the projections.
Cherine, her eyes unseeing, was lost within her own passions. I pulled her to me, trying to be whatever she wanted of me. I did not need long to join her in the fluttering of her belly. I held her tightly and soothed and kissed her until she was able to lay snuggled to me in a deep sleep.
When I felt Dommi stir and turn to me, wanting me again, I gently placed Cherine in a curled up ball onto the bed and returned to Dommi. The cat coupling was still in her mind, a memory of a beautiful, sensuous, but slightly unreal dream. I held her to me and my hands played over her body, finding each and every nerve that yearned to tingle. This time there was nothing soft and sensuous about our lovemaking.
Enfolding her in my arms I whispered my love words to her. We slept for a while and in my sleep I dreamt of being with a beautiful woman whom I loved, and we came together, my body on hers, and I slid into her. As I came, I awoke to find Dommi under me and my climax spurting into her. Her eyes were dark as she exploded with me.
Dommi caressed my face, amused by my embarrassment. “Robert, I felt you climb on to me and woke up to the feeling of you entering me. I realised you were fast asleep and shared your dream. It was beautiful!”
“Awakening to you in my arms was the most beautiful part of it.”
She giggled. “You are feeling guilty about dreaming you were making love to a beautiful woman who was not me.”
I was pleased that she was not upset with me. “Guilty as charged. Guess I must be very sexually frustrated, starved for a bit of you know what!”
Her eyes widened. “Roberto, you really don’t know!!”
“Know what my love?”
“Who she is?”
“Of course not, it was just a dream.”
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Her face glowed, “It was not! It was Cherine grown up. You were making love to her in me. Why did you think I found it so beautiful!”
I silently looked over at my little kitten. She was fast asleep with a trace of that mysterious smile on her lips. Yes, she was that extraordinary beauty I saw in my dream. Something in me relaxed and I curled myself around Dommi and stretching a hand to touch Cherine, I fell into a short deep sleep. I then spent the rest of the night in my office making sketches of my dream Cherine.
“Dommi showed me your dream and what you did to her. Was that really me?”
“Yes my love. A truly magnificent creature of beauty.”
Her eyes sparkled with joy. “I love that. You did two beautiful things, you made love to me as a woman and you did it in my Dommi. Wow! that must have been the best!!”
“It was, as you know, since you shared it from Dommi.”
The dream stayed with me a long time, a promise that refused to fade. I was able to do a few paintings for Cherine and Dommi - Cherine pleaded for an extra one for giving to her mother. My favourite was the one of my grown up Cherine with her mysterious smile and warm invitation in her eyes. It is the first time I have been able to almost pin that magic of hers to paper.
When Marian saw them, still not nearly finished, she cried and Alki sat transfixed, a look of something between awe and adoration on his face. “It is not just the beauty Robert. It is the light that glows from inside her. She is like a creature from an ancient myth, out of a dream. Now that I have seen this, I can recognise what I’ve seen all along in her, but could not understand. Marian my love, you created a miracle.”
“Not me sweetheart. My miracle was a little girl. Robert and then Dominique, they created, are creating this miracle. What would have happened if I had not taken that flat so that they could meet?”
I asked Cherine, “You haven’t told her, love?”
“No.” She was apprehensive, fearing my telling her mother.
“My love, she won’t bite you. Marian, Cherine has something to tell you.”
“Mummy, I’m sorry. I had to do it. I made you want that flat so that I could meet Robert. I had to.”
I tried to help her. “She has since then learnt that it is not right to use her abilities to manipulate people. She has grown up, matured in many lovely ways and now has the intelligence to leave the manipulating to me.” I grinned, while Cherine scowled fiercely. “It was necessary she tell you Marian, so that you can either absolve her of her guilt or else punish her. Either way she will be a happier person. Marian, your daughter has done a lot to you, including those days and nights of horror in Ydra. It is time we clear the air, bring it out into the open so that she can continue to grow and become that glorious woman of my dream.”
“Come here baby.” She held Cherine to her. “Mummy has also made a lot of mistakes. I have been sick many times at the thought of what I’ve done to you. I also need you to forgive me. I know what Robert is talking about and he is right. Maybe we should remember that what you did to me you had to do. I know now that you did not have a choice. What I did to you, which I am so sorry for, I also had to do them, because I was a little bit sick inside. I forgive everything you did, even whatever I do not know about. Can you also forgive me?”
Cherine began to cry and buried her face in her mother’s bosom. Marian mouthed a ‘thank you’ to us. I waited until everybody’s emoting had calmed down .
“Everybody, you have outworn you’re welcome. Dommi, get your lovely butt here and kiss us goodbye and vamoose. I’ve got a special little girl to look after, to give back to her a little of the happiness she has given me.”
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I sighed when the door closed. My sweet girl turned and hugging me by the hips buried her face in my tummy. I heard her muffled voice. “Thank you. You made it good for mummy and me.”
“I’m glad my love.”
“But I have not made it good for you and me.”
“You feel you have things to apologise to me for?”
“Yes.”
I picked her up and twirled her around, screaming, and sitting down placed her on my lap. “With us it will be much more difficult. I have so many things I have to apologise to you for, we could end up wasting away our whole weekend. There is only one very big thing I need your forgiveness for. If you can, then the rest I will know are also forgiven.”
She stared at me and I felt her fear. Not even fear. It was terror. I went into her mind and soothed her as my physical arms cradled her.
“Oh god my love. That I could have been the one to do this to you. I, the one who wanted you to grow up fearless and self-confident. How can I even think of asking for your forgiveness. No, it would be better that I ask you to give me the chance to earn your forgiveness.”
“It’s not you. It’s me. I need you to forgive me.”
“No love, you must not think that way. You never deliberately went out of your way to hurt me. Whatever you did that may be troubling you was either childishness or caused by me.”
“No! You were right, I did use our link to hurt you.”
Gently I asked, “And ended up hurting yourself and Dommi even more?”
“Yes”
“Then I am glad you did it.” I smiled at her. “It was hell at the time, but it was worth it if you learnt something out of it. Whenever we hurt other people we end up hurting ourselves even more. Cherine, nothing can ever justify us using our strengths to hurt others. It takes from us the purity of our souls and our love, and tarnishes it, leaving a darkness, a feeling of being soiled.”
“You said I feel nasty in your mind.”
I sighed. The pain at recalling my words of bitterness were a cancer in me, eating away at my heart. She felt it and came into the storm that was hurting me. Her love was an embrace that calmed the storm so that I could speak again.
“Oh Cherine, my baby, I said such terrible things to you. I know you will never forget them. I have no excuse, I am not a child. I spoke as an adult and used my ability to hurt you. All I can pray for is that I be given the time for you to learn that what I said is not true, that it was an evil sickness in me, nothing that reflected any truth in you.”
“I made you hurt badly. I made you sick. It was not you, Robert you are not evil. I am ’cause I keep hurting you and make you do bad things to me.”
“We are both speaking with too much pain in our hearts for us to be able to forgive. Instead of us forgiving each other, maybe we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. Then we can forgive each other. Let me tell you one final thing and I ask that you do not react to what I say, just listen and try hard to understand me this time, without thinking of it as a criticism. Cherine, my love, I am forced to speak, even though I fear it, because of seeing you as an adult. I have to do everything within my power to make certain you do grow up to be that wonderful woman.
So, here goes: If you had done whatever you did to me as an adult, you would have needed my forgiveness - and I would have found it very difficult to forgive you. We all are born as babies, without experience, without knowledge of what is right and wrong. We then start off by seeing truth, right and wrong, as absolutes, as either black or white. We are not always able to see what is really bad or good.
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Life, the day to day living of it teaches us, in millions of very small ways, so that by the time we grow up we are able to see more clearly. We also learn to understand human nature, so that instead of seeing just in black or white, to blame or, not to blame, we see various shades of grey. We say, what he did, that was wrong but, he did it because…and we can then forgive. In other words my love, even with your gift of empathy, to truly feel empathy, you need the experiences of a life with little hurts opening your heart to the pain in others.
When I said your mind was a nastiness in my mind, that was not one of the bad things I said. I spoke a truth, but I was wrong in saying it to you. It is like accusing someone who cannot see, of being blind. What I was saying is that you are a child. In children the instincts are closer to the surface of the mind. You will soon be a mother and you will see it for yourself in our babies. They will sometimes shock you by the rawness of their viciousness, their bloodthirstiness. But you will accept, tolerate that part of them, disciplining them in a way that helps them feel and understand why they were wrong, knowing or hoping that it is not the person they will be as adults. If your child is cruel and you see that they will have that cruelty as an adult, it is only then that it will bring you great sorrow.
All I want of you is that you are open minded, accept that at times I refuse you or get angry, so as to try and help you grow into the adult I will spend all my life loving. Whatever I see in you now that I do not want to see in you as an adult, it does not sicken me. I see it with the tenderness of a fatherly love and mostly concentrate on finding ways to help you grow beyond them. Whatever you keep of that into your adult years, that will be a nastiness in my mind, a sickness of failure in my heart.”
“I know you love me Robert. I cannot hide from that. It is just that sometimes I feel that you are hiding behind that love a lot of hate for me.”
I understood her lack of self confidence, I empathised, for I created her insecurities, despite my best intentions. “I want you to dance with me. But when you become one with me, I want you to search me, examine every little atom of my being. If you find even one with any hate for you…there is nothing like that in me love. As long as you stay out of that unconscious part of my mind that horrified you so much last time...I have no understanding of it, all I can do, is when it tries to send me any of its evil or stupid needs, is to reject it. To tell the truth, that part of our minds is not evil as much as it is the baby in us.”
I also heard the yearning in her voice. “We haven’t danced in the void for so long. Not since Alki and mummy. I want to.”
“Today, just the two of us?”
“Yes” There was fear and eagerness in her.
“Don’t take any of that fear with you, my love. We only need to clothe ourselves in our love. Since we are celebrating, today and tomorrow, the days we first met, it is appropriate that we should use this time to get to know each other in all the ways that will ever matter to the two of us. It is frightening isn’t it, to have a person I love know all that I am ashamed of, to have them know what stupid or bad thoughts or deeds I’ve done, things I have even hidden from myself. To have to hope that person will see beyond those things and still find enough worth loving in me. This may be the bravest thing either of us have ever done. The other times, we respected the others’ secrets. We allowed only parts of ourselves to be shared. This time I will open every door, you are allowed to go even where I cannot. Welcome into my secret world my love.”
I lay down on the sofa with the comforting warmth and weight of her on me. First I called the protector and ordered it to monitor us. Not to allow us to reach the final oneness which could mean the loss of our individuality. I felt it flow into me for a brief instant and then I was rising to meet my beloved in the void.
I saw her waiting, flickering in her eagerness. It seems that the freedom of being just a soul always brings out the childishness in me. I danced around her, teasing, flirting and withdrawing, until her laughing form danced in a chase after me. In a flash of a moment I shot out a wire of light, encircling and drawing her in to me. It was a sweetness all the sweeter for feeling, far in the background, Dommi’s pleasure for us - yes, it was amazing that she could, but she realised she should share from our minds, not from our souls, and it seems that a part of our minds remains back on Earth, in our bodies - which explains how it is we can have out of the body experiences (OBE), while still remaining aware of our surroundings, so that we wake up when there is a noise or danger.
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I/she swam through swirling clouds of light, absorbing/being absorbed. Each mote of light of hers I absorbed was a part of her, a memory, a feeling, for she too wanted me to know her as well as she is learning to know me. Her fears, joys, the full rainbow of her being became a part of me. I was taken in with equal joy, though more puzzlement, as she tried to fit together the pieces. I did not help her, it was better she understand me on her own terms. When we look back on our lives, we see the past as one smooth flow, from experience to experience; it is not so when examining ourselves as souls, for then we can recognise that not all the periods of our lives fit into one flow - it is more as if slightly different variations of ourselves are linked, making one overall entity.
I do not know how long we spent in learning in that timeless void. I saw nothing but beauty in her brave, childish, but so mature soul. There were parts of her that scintillated in potential, giving me a faint hint of what is to come. It awed me into a silence that she felt and wondered fearfully about. I felt her draw to my core and she began to meld, our souls becoming one. I thought of how I had feared this ecstasy. I welcomed her and our total union. As Dommi called out in fear, a force pulled us apart, drawing us to our doom of being two again. I ached to return, to lose myself in her. Cherine glowed in yearning to join me - when the veils of Dommi enveloped her. Dommi reached out and enveloped me too, soothing me, calling me back, as she was doing to Cherine.
Gently I was rebuked. *Robert you broke your own rule. You said we must only join when all three of us are here.*
The essence of my soul began to sing to her of my yearning to be a part of Cherine, of her, not to be alone within me. I tried to draw her in. If my ache was a siren call, my protector was the wax in the ears of my sailor. Cherine was calling me and Dommi in her own sweetness and the protector fought not only her, but itself too as it struggled to keep us apart. Finally sense of my individuality returned and my struggling ceased. I thanked Dommi.
The protector let go of us and waited, still cautious of our weakness. I danced up to it. *I thank you. I have watched and been envious of the healers of the girls, they communicate and are part of the girls. At various times I was angry with you and myself and have thought of asking for their help in absorbing you into myself, to take back control over you. That would have been a terrible mistake, as today showed. I forgot that my healer is also our protector. You shall remain autonomous. My partner in loving them. If I may make a suggestion, try to find a way to split yourself so that both aspects of you can each concentrate on your own powers. If you decide I am right and need help, let me know - even if you have to do so through our loves.*
It swirled in a graceful flow around me and was gone. Dommi waved her veils and receded into her body, where her parents were anxiously trying to bring her around from what they thought was a fainting spell. I did not envy her if what I thought is about to happen does. We returned to our bodies also.
Cherine immediately sat up and asked me, “What is it Robert?”
“I sensed her mother place her hand on her abdomen. She is a wily old lady, I think she has worked it out. Do you think we should go there? I don’t want her to face this alone.”
“No. If she needs us we will know. This is our day.”
“And you waited long enough for it. I’m sorry we did not do the traditional bed of love for you. Hmm, I think I must have got a rash or something from that dancing. I feel a serious burning. It needs scratching. You feel the same?”
“It can wait. As you tell me, it makes the scratching all the sweeter…am I going to start talking like you now?”
“For a very short time there will be some confusion. Time will draw us apart again, my being will fade in you, but it will always be there, even if faint. If I were religious I would be on my knees worshipping what I saw and shared within me. It is awesome!”
250
“Oh Robert, if you could have only seen the all of you as I saw you. You spoke the truth. There is nothing of hate in you, for me or anyone else.” Her eyes were very dark and huge as she added, “Not even for your father!”
“You saw through all of me so quickly?”
“Just the parts I needed, but the rest is in here for me to search through. Do I have to do that now or will I lose it?”
“Honey, you are the expert and you are asking me? The need to scratch is getting very bad.” I ran my fingers up her leg, hoping to reach her white cotton panties. She pushed my hand away.
“Not now. I’m looking at you. Also you will make it hard for Dommi. Just blank it for now.”
I couldn’t help chuckling at her bossy manner, which I felt was more suited to a five year old. “Right.”
I also began to sift through her, searching and putting her together in my mind. The more I saw the greater my ache for the little girl I’d met last year. I saw her thoughts, at random, at six, at two, at five and so on. I saw her fears and doubts. I saw her impulsiveness, sense of humour, generosity, her inability to hurt, her need to help those she saw in pain and the heartbreak at her inability to do so. I saw a lot of what I already knew about her, but with a clearer eye. I saw a lot of what I had guessed about her and a lot I had not even dreamt of. I saw what she hid, was ashamed of, what she took pride in. I saw what made up the largest part of her and found that it is me. One thing I refused to get of her was what lies behind her mysterious smile. That was and must remain her secret.
I looked at the totality and knew I have a jewel in my heart. If there are any flaws, they only add to the beauty. I could also see clearly now in what direction she is growing towards adulthood. I will never have to worry again if nothing unexpected happens. I waited for her and felt nothing that indicated she is unhappy with who I am.
“You are a difficult person to understand, but you are nicer than I thought.”
I groaned. “There goes the last nail in my coffin. When a woman says I’m ‘nice’ I know she will never fall in love with me.”
“Did you call me a woman?” She stretched and smiled. “Dommi is having supper. You want to be naughty and embarrass her?”
“All I know is, I cannot sit here without touching you anymore. I’m calling a taxi and we are going to Varsos for a bite and a pastry. Maybe it will make the waiting bearable.”
She gave me her cheeky grin, setting my blood on fire. “You will have to project me as Dommi. If they see you being groped by me, they will take you away from me.”
As we started our meal I saw her smiling to herself so I knew I could expect the unexpected. She looked great as Dommi, but the truth is, I missed the sight of my baby.
“You are a crazy guy. I was shocked last night. I mean, cats!”
“Shh. This is not...”
“I wonder what she thinks of it now. You think she is busy remembering being a cat on heat?”
I whispered, “I don’t recall you being so turned off by us.”
“Well, you were the sexiest cats I have ever seen.”
“It suited the mood of the moment. Anyway, I got the idea from you.”
She giggled. “I know, but my teeth and claws are sharper.”
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου
(Alexander Zenon Eustace)17th March, 2019
- posted on Steemit: 17th March, 2019
If you wish to have your name added above, I would be honoured.
