...He gave us His miracle and I thank Him with all my heart. Maybe He did listen because of the faith and love of a child.
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Then the evil began. Because I had hurt my family by moving in with my only love without marrying him, my brother vowed to avenge the family name. What he said and did this morning was evil. There is no sect, there was no brainwashing. It was just evil hate that was twisting my brother. He saw an opportunity for revenge and took it. I hope he did not make any false charges with the police. If he did, I will lay charges against him and anyone else who joined him, whether that person be mother or father. Their anger with me does not give them the right to destroy a good man who even God saw good in.
I am told the mother of the little girl will be happy to show you her daughter and confirm what I have said about the goodness, the gentleness of this man. He is an artist with a soul that only sees beauty, please do not allow people like my brother to destroy him. Thank you.”
“Could I ask you, why are you here, have you come back to your family. Are you leaving this man? What is his name. Is it Roberto?”
She chose to answer part of this question, amongst a multitude of them. “I am not leaving him. I will never leave him, whether we marry or not.” Staring into the camera, “I am here to confront my family. They will either apologise and tell the truth or they will never see me again. I must go now. Thank you for allowing me to tell the truth.”
The reporter appeared on screen, “This appears to be turning from a story of heroism and miracles into a story of love - against all odds.”
With her head held high she went to the front door. The door was not opened. Silently the camera kept rolling, everyone holding their breath. When it was obvious it would never open for her, she walked back to the crowd, stopped for a moment as the camera zoomed in on her tear-filled eyes and the whole of Greece heard her whisper, “Goodbye father, mother.”
Emotionally drenched from being part of her, within her body and mind with the enhancement of her feelings from Cherine, with my own pain and sorrow for her, I finished translating for Marian. Cherine had not needed a translation, she had understood from within Dommi what was being said. My tears were blurring my vision as I turned to them.
“I think you better take them now Themi, the press will soon be at her door.”
The news that evening only showed Marian and Cherine (her face blurred) for a moment. The reporter explained Marian had confirmed what Dominique had said. The caretaker at my flats confirmed that Dominique had moved in a few months ago. He told the reporters how I took pity on the little lonely foreign girl and my kindness was known by all the residents of the building. A couple of them that were present confirmed this with real earnestness, though I had never met or known them. They then re-played the interview and speech by Dommi, ending with their close-up of her tears as she whispered goodbye. The reporter ended by commenting on the morals of the rich and their spoilt sons. Nothing she could be sued for, but still strong enough to make the point.
My instincts told me the worst is over. As I relaxed, I felt the sweetness of my girls fill my heart with their relief and love. I asked Cherine to thank her mother for me. She sent me a smile and a big kiss.
I had to stay alone for longer than I had expected. I had forgotten about magazines. They came out with the story, including photos of the young boy, Dominique and Cherine. They did not have my photo so they got an artist to draw me from descriptions - there was not even a faint resemblance (it just shows that the press have not woken up to the uses of the internet, since there is a photo of me, along with an article about my artwork on the company web site). Dommi stayed at our apartment, as I’d suggested, which helped both of them as Cherine could easily visit her, sometimes in the evening with her mother. I spent my time when alone on my computer and was able to please Alki with two new sequences of the Kaleidoscope World plus a number of other new works, but he did not give me any sites to work on.
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Themi came often enough to keep me supplied with all my needs, including luxuries. I had found his chess set in a cupboard and at my request we played a few games.
It was at this time, mostly so as to counter my boredom at first, I decided to begin writing this diary. I also got Cherine to pose in front of a mirror, at their apartment, and drew her as she saw herself (the sketch on the first page of our story - and as is obvious, she was not in a smiling mood).
I also began a habit which I suspect will last me for my entire life, for I find I enjoy it - which is remarkable, since I’ve always disliked any form of physical exercise. I began taking long walks so as to get out of the house. The small size of the house had nothing to do with my need for fresh air and the sky above me, it was mostly my loneliness that drove me out. Originally I started because I thought it would be nice to take a walk along the shore, but after trying a few times, I gave up. Whether the beach is allowed to be claimed as private or not, with parts of it being sheer rocks against which the waves lap or thunder, the beaches in-between, sand or pebble, tend to be easily cut off so that those owning the land next to the beach have almost exclusive use.
I then thought to go for a walk up Mt. Ymittos, but again, either land is exclusively for the use of the military or else, the ways for getting past the houses and small blocks of flats are difficult if you don’t know your way around - and those living there viewed me with great suspicion, which I cannot afford to ignore at this time.
At least I got to know some interesting tavernas, small and family owned, with mostly customers from the neighbourhood, who here behaved more hospitably. Within a week I had three tavernas where I would be greeted by name (I refuse to give in to fear and use an alias, I gave my name as Roberto and nobody has, as at this date, associated my name with that of the Angel of Athens). Because I am a foreigner, I was not just handed a menu; I would be asked whether I’ve eaten this dish or that and when I admitted to not having eaten something, that would be what I am served. Although I was told I would not have to pay for it if I don’t like it, these are not wealthy people, so, whether I liked it or not, I ate the meal and complimented them. Because of this I was given a few extras for free - one of them being sheep yoghourt, almost as thick as cheese, drenched in thyme honey and with walnuts scattered over it. I loved it. Less exotic but also delicious were the freshly made honey and sesame fritters (τηγανίτες) I would sometimes be served with my coffee.
If I was willing to scamper like a goat over rocky edges to the sea, I could follow the road to Sounion without being blockaded by many privates homes and fences. Even those I came across, the owners mostly just looked surprised to see me, a few even invited me for a coffee or drink and all viewed me as a crazy tourist. I was amused at how most of them complained about the effects of the high humidity on their possessions, while mentioning their arthritic aches and pains, without blaming their mania for living by the sea. I enjoyed the moist, salty wind blowing in my face and hair, but kept my body well covered, for I intensely dislike being cold.
One morning I walked along the Sounion road until I was past all the houses, careful of the traffic, as many of the drivers seem to consider the narrow winding road banked by cliffs part of the way a personal challenge, or else they maybe pretend they are taking part in the Monte Carlo race. If one of them hit me, not only would I get killed, I reckoned it is very likely they will lose control of their vehicle and, driving off the edge, fly down the sharp and rocky shoulder to smash into rocks or the sea. I could imagine the publicity if I were to be blamed for such an accident. Anyway, having to remain alert to danger was exhilarating, as it kept me aware of my surroundings, instead of my drifting off into my daydreams.
If I saw ways for me to clamber down to the sea, I would explore them and even sometimes end up spending a couple of hours sitting on a rock, watching ferries and small yachts sailing past or, if the sea was in a bad mood, I’d watch it throw itself against the rocks below me. At such times, I mostly did not notice my loneliness as much. Perhaps it is because loneliness belongs in such a setting and the lack of contrast meant I was less aware of it.
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What I am next going to write about will not seem believable. I and my two loves (and Alki) still find it difficult to believe. So, dear descendent, you are welcome to disbelieve me if you wish, I will not be offended, just happy that you are interested enough in our lives to be reading the diary.
I discovered a tiny cove which could not be seen from the road above. I only explored because I saw a small boat bobbing on the water without anybody in it. It was anchored, so I suspected there is someone down there and I was curious - I think I was hoping he is doing something illegal, like diving for relics from Ancient Greece. If so, I considered the possibility an adventure and forgot to worry that such a person might not want witnesses - when I told Alki about it, we could feel him despair of me ever having the commonsense needed for surviving without his protection.
When I found him, the man had a rough look to him and I thought he must be a sailor. He welcomed me and invited me to share his rock. When I sat, he offered me his thermos, but I politely declined.
“Me lene Thanassi. (I am called Thanassi)”
I stuck out my hand. “Roberto.”
He smiled. “Ahh, I am honoured, one day I shall tell the grandchildren of my sister that I sat on a rock with Roberto, the Angel of Athens.”
I laughed. “Do I really look like an angel?” Since all pictures of me in the media were badly drawn sketches, I felt uncomfortable at his having recognised me.
He smiled, a smile for himself, not for me. “When you have died once, it is easier to see deeper than the eyes see. I have seen you before Roberto, and I felt then that I will meet you again someday soon. I knew it is fated, for you too have danced with death - nai?”
“You have seen me where, Thanassi?”
“In the dark land of death. You came with other souls at your side and you danced with them.”
A thrill of excitement shot through me. “How many, Thanassi?”
“Many, I did not count.” He chuckled. “Perhaps you are curious about me, a stranger, an unlettered seaman who sees you dancing with other angels?”
“Very.”
He laughed. “The first part is a common story in Greece. I was a seaman on a cargo ship and the owner needed money, so he arranged with the first engineer to sink the ship. If there are no deaths, the insurance companies take a long time to pay, investigating the sinking as thoroughly as they can. If there are deaths, then a deliberate sinking must lead to charges of murder. If there are no such charges, the insurance companies usually pay earlier, for if they do not, it can be claimed they are implying somebody is guilty of murder and it also means that widows and orphans are left without compensation thanks to their delays. Everyone knew I have no wife and children, therefore no demands for compensation are likely to be filed, so they volunteered me as a sacrifice.
They did not know that Thanassi is like a cat, I do not die easily - well, I do not stay dead. When the ship began sinking, I was off shift and asleep in my cabin. As the ship tilted, the stern sinking faster, I woke up and rushing for the door I tried to get out. I could not, it had been blocked from outside. Soon the seawater rushed in and I panicked and died. I found myself in the land of the dead, but I was not wanted and returned to my body.
With the movement of the water and the tilting of the ship, with the bow aiming for the air above, whatever had blocked the door moved and it opened just enough for me to see and force my way out. It is a strange thing Roberto, to be swimming in a passage filled with water, with the lights still on. By the time the lights died I was by the stairs and the water thrust me up - I saw the light of day above and kicked and swam until my sight faded, for I had no air. I was found by a boat, floating faced down, and a fellow-seaman breathed air into me until I opened my eyes again.
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It was not that time that I saw you Roberto, it was about twenty days later, once I was back home and sleeping in my own bed. I am…I was…I do not know, maybe I am, a religious man. Dying and finding myself in a dark place, it frightened me, for I kept asking myself, where was the Panagia? Where were the angels, I am not a bad man, but I also asked, if I was not wanted, then where was Satan? Why am I not wanted by anyone? Are there, maybe, no angels, no Panagia? I had many nights of tossing with my questions and then travelling through nightmares during my sleep - if I had not drunk too much retsina that night so as to avoid them.
The doctors told me it is natural after the experience I had and that the nightmares will go away. Then one night, as I lay, trying to sleep, it felt as if something grabbed me and I was thrown to the land of death. I was almost relieved, for I thought I was only being reclaimed, brought to where I belong. It was then I saw you dancing.
What a celebration there was, with countless souls and what looked like a galaxy of strange suns, or souls of suns. I have seen other spirits there before, but those of you and the others, close and dancing with you, they wavered and grew immense, shrank and grew again and they were so bright! Despite myself I was drawn to you. Other spirits also watched, but they stayed away from you, so I think you did not notice me. Before I could try to call to you, to ask you to take me with you to God, or to my beloved Panagia, you all suddenly disappeared.
I have thought about it and my mind tells me I am crazy, that what happened is not real, but I also know it was. You see, when you left, maybe because I was trying to reach you, I was taken with and found myself, still a spirit, but in the land of the living. I was floating and I could see a man with a number of children sleeping around him. The one woman I saw, I recognised her when she was on television - but she looks older now than she did then. A few years older! How could I have seen her so many years ago, when all this only happened a few months ago?”
By now Cherine was sharing and I felt her, for I had a chill down my back and with something like superstitious awe, I found I could not ask the question I needed to ask: how many children? I wondered, could he have seen us in the future, when Cherine and Dommi have given birth? But then, how could Dommi be younger. Then I recalled how Dommi has already changed and I asked Cherine whether I could be right, could he have visited us in the future? She loved the idea and almost demanded it be true. I still needed a few more clues before settling on what I hoped for.
“How did you get back, did you float out of the house?”
“Yes, not high and not for long; I suddenly found myself outside my home, but I could not enter. I did notice that my scooter was not there, but there was a small car. Then, I don’t know what it was, I felt as if wind was blowing strongly, the kind that twists and turns, creating whitecaps on waves, and I woke up in my body again, feeling slightly nauseous.” He offered me the thermos again. He took a cupful of black Greek coffee and continued. “For a time I was convinced it was a dream, but then I saw the woman on television and I was able to work out that it was you I saw. For days now I have felt compelled to come here. It did not make sense, for there is nothing here and no path from the road above.”
“You did not seem very surprised to see me.”
He shrugged. “Sometimes it is better to accept your fate without protesting.”
“Do you have any idea what your fate has in store for you?”
“If it was not a dream and I really saw you, I will be dying soon. It explains why I could not enter my home and why my scooter was not there.”
I looked him in the eyes. “I believe your fate is different. Thanassi, if you have more to tell me, please do not. I think that you travelled to the future and I do not want to know what it holds for us. If I am right, it means it is likely you sold your scooter and bought a car,” I offered him a smile, “would that happen if you marry?”
He looked startled, shook his head, not liking the idea, but answered honestly, “It could be, but it is not likely. I cannot get a job because nobody wants to employ a sailor who has died, for seamen are superstitious and they’ll fear that death wants to claim me - and they don’t want to be on the ship with me if that is so. I was paid a good amount and they paid the missing years from my pension, so there is that small amount to cover most of my expenses, but not enough for a wife and children.”
155
I grinned. “Do you now see why I ask you not to tell me anything more?” He laughed and nodded. Cherine protested, but not for long, as she could feel I am serious about my decision. “Thanassi, when you reach the day of your dream, I’m hoping you will know, please find me. I think I may be able to bring some good changes to your life.”
He insisted I get in his boat. When we arrived at the place he keeps it berthed, we had something to eat at a taverna close by and then he took me by scooter back to Vouliagmeni. I had him drop me off by some shops and as he was about to leave, he reassured me that he will not mention to anyone that he met me or knows where I am. I look forward to meeting him again.
Themi became more of a frequent visitor and as he began to relax around me and I got to know him, I was able to see why Alki trusts him. He has a genial but ugly face, wearing a permanent frown. He is witty company, but what is remarkable about him is the way he listens, emanating a feeling of caring about you. After confirmation from the girls and a short chat with Alki, who asked me to bring in Themi for the input he could give us, we decided to bring him in to our secret group. If he had asked any questions at all, I would have withdrawn into a protective mode, but I suppose he has learnt that people who fear ridicule and attack need to accept him first, before opening up.
Having first ascertained he has time for a long chat, I told him, “You have been very patient with us Themi, never asking questions, though you must have been itching to ask hundreds of them. I mean about the so-called miracle.”
“I have a feeling it is only the tip of the iceberg. No Robert, I do not ask for trust, it is up to you to decide whether to honour me with your confidence.” His head placed at an angle he asked, “Why; have you decided to entrust me with your secret?”
“There are a number of levels to our secret. We would have liked to be able to entrust you only with the level that I need help in, but they overlap, and where they do not, I suspect you will be able to deduce them. Some you will find of great interest, but the rest may shock your sensibilities. We would need your word that if you do not approve, you will honour our trust in you and never reveal or write about us.”
“If it will help set your mind at rest young man, may I venture certain observations I have made. If I am right, it may make it easier to confide in me. I would say your biggest worry is not the paranormal side of your secret. It has to do with the fact that the small girl is your lover. I will admit that when I saw the signs it did worry me considerably. I reasoned that Alki would not have called for my help, knowing I would observe details others would miss, if he does not trust and love you. Alki also knows about her, doesn’t he?”
Alert, stiff with anxiety, worried about incriminating Alki, I nodded, and he continued, “Thank you for being honest. I have reserved judgement on that side of your story. I admit the idea repulses me, it sickens me to think what you might be doing to her mind, to her potential growth as a healthy woman. You must have a reason that you consider will over-ride these scruples of mine, else you would not be about to confide in me.” Again I nodded. “You are not you, not just the young man I am apparently talking with. I am part of an invisible four way conversation. You have made statements which betray that fact. For instance you hardly ever say ‘I’, it is always ‘we’.” The girls sent an exclamation of surprise. They had not noticed. Then I received their burst of warm love.
I decided there is no point in my trying to keep all our secrets. “You have already covered a number of our concerns so we might as well take this in the right sequence, it might help you to not only understand us, but perhaps help you to provide us with insights we need. We, no, I, have handled many changes in ourselves in the wrong way. This has nearly caused our deaths a number of times. I and we, do need help desperately.”
We sat for hours as I told him the stories of Cherine, Dominique and Robert and of their metamorphosis. I tried to show him what was my state of mind as I bungled my way from crisis to crisis. He began as an interested audience of one. Soon I sensed the girls were also avidly drinking my words in and I threw them a question mark. It was Dommi who explained that it is fascinating hearing my views of our relationship, growth and developments. It struck me I would have loved to be able to hear their own, until I remembered and smiled. I can hear it, smell it, see and sense it any time I am prepared to sift through their memories.
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There were a number of interruptions over the hours, when the girls and I communed. Themi never spoke during such times, though his keen eyes seemed to be boring into me. I guessed he knew what was happening. Trained though he might have been in masking his thoughts, he could not help betraying his excitement. Even if he could have, he would still have lost out, Cherine was monitoring his emotions.
“This has been my field of study for most of my life. If what you have told me is true, and I do not doubt it is, it is the most exciting project I have ever been involved with. Robert there are a number of factors here that will need study. An example. Is your circle complete as you believe, or will it grow - apart from the children you hope to have. Is it possible for you to sensitise others so that they either join your circle or form circles of their own? You are opening doors in your minds and discovering new abilities to suit the crisis you find yourselves in. Does that mean they are already there as latent or dormant abilities, or are you creating them? Are the gifts you have, something special only you three have, or are these powers available to everyone, only needing a catalyst like your Cherine?”
“Themi we need your help as a psychologist not as a paranormal investigator. If you can be of help so that I do not end up killing my loves, as quid pro quo, we will try to help you by answering some of your questions. The need that drives me is the growth, wellbeing and safety of my loves, my family. All other considerations, even the good of mankind must come as secondary.
I feel that we would be sacrificed if our abilities became common knowledge and I have learnt to trust these feelings as protector of my species. That shocked you, but you do see the truth of it, we are a new species in many ways. We are a mutation which may be the future of Man, or may be limited to us only. There is so much beauty and love, so much comfort in our gifts that you cannot even imagine, so I truly hope this gift will spread to all of Man - but I am not prepared to take any risks to achieve it. If I do, I can assure you the protector in my head will sacrifice me immediately.”
I gave him a rueful smile, “Despite all Alki may tell you about my generous artistic soul, I do want to live. Not because of fear of death. I have already been dead. No, it is the thought of not being with my loves which is unbearable, plus the harm I would cause them by breaking the circle.”
“It may not be possible to sharply divide my help as you ask, I feel the key may lie in a holistic approach, requiring both psychology and learning more about your gifts. Robert, I understand Alki has become an anchor, a conduit (αγωγός) to the rest of the world for your group. Would you have any reservations if I asked to discuss this with him?”
“In principle, no. But you have not told me your feelings and as you may have realised, to us, those are the key elements. For instance, how do you feel now about my relationship with the girls, especially Cherine, I am talking explicitly about the sexual side.”
“My opinion is that the rape scene she vicariously witnessed did her more damage than you will. I cannot hide from you, I am shocked at my answer, that I a physician should be condoning this! It is pointless discussing it though, it appears to be an integral part of your evolutionary changes. The gestalt psyche of your group is a branching off that has its own needs and rules. After all, not all nations and cultures have the same American beliefs with regard to children and sex, but I admit, I am influenced by the American attitudes as I tend to study a lot of their psychological papers. Robert, I belong to the old species and do not have the right to try and impose our own moral judgement on the three of you.” He paused to consider.
“I must admit that my judgement in this case is influenced by your inability to hurt each other deliberately. The fact that you have not sexually penetrated her as of yet, proves it. You people are truly giving new life and meaning to the commandment ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. For we could say now about the three of you, ‘do unto others as you do unto yourself’. That is a very powerful change.”
“The girls have asked me to thank you and to tell you they were right. You have a beautiful soul. They look forward to your advice and helping you wherever they can. They also feel I have not presented everything in the way they would have liked to. I will let them explain themselves another time, otherwise they will make me sound egotistical.”
“I just wish I could see their souls, theirs must be truly beautiful.”
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“I can show you my portrayal of the essence of Cherine. I call it the Kaleidoscope World.”
“Alki showed me. So that is her?”
“No. It is hundreds of times more beautiful. I do not have the materials nor the talent to show it as it truly is.”
Themi has his work and he has to attend to his duties and lectures, so his visits are since then shorter and either late in the day or early evening, when he brings hot food from a taverna. We mostly argue our ideas of how mankind will be changed by Cherine - if we survive long enough for us to grow in numbers. I am the dreamer, he is not as optimistic as I am about the effects of empathy on the world, asserting that only a few individuals will base their lives on empathy, as life is hard, and those who remain closed to empathy will take advantage of the softer ones. I cannot see our future in the way he does; to accept his viewpoint would only help guarantee our failure. At least he agrees with me on that and encourages me to fight for our dream.
While I was in my hiding hole, I asked Alki to find us a new home, something with privacy and a garden. I told him that a small lawn and even a couple of rose bushes would be appreciated. When he found something suitable and rented it for us, I felt I needed to move. Hiding in another’s house made me feel like a fugitive.
The girls just told me about what he has found for us; it is not an apartment, it is a lovely house with garden and pool, a bit steep for my income, but it is worth the sacrifice. An important point is it’s proximity to the school. If I can find someone else to take over my lease, I can now let the office go.
The girls are excited, we have a home that truly feels as if it belongs to all three of us. They asked for a free hand in decorating it. I approved a budget and gave them the go-ahead, without mentioning what style I prefer or anything else. I trust the good taste of Dommi. They asked me to withdraw from sharing their bodies and to stay where I am until they are ready. Then they asked me whether I will be able to bear Cherine muting my awareness of them for a day or two…or three. I had to agree, surprises between loved ones are important.
At the end of the first day, when they welcomed me back I was almost tearful. The day had been a nightmare of loneliness. It may sound weird or weak of me, but I’ll explain it this way. It is as if my body is made out of all three bodies and my mind is linked in such a way that it is as if our minds make one super lovely mind. I’d spent a day cut off from two thirds of myself.
They were contrite, they had not suffered to the same extent as they had stayed linked to each other. They decided not to repeat the performance, but I refused to allow them to pamper to my selfish need and demanded they continue. Of course I did not dare make it sound as if I was willing to make a sacrifice for their sake, so I earnestly told them that I believe doing this for short periods now and then might strengthen me, so that I do not give up so easily.
Each alone in bed, we tried to share a sexual experience. We were able to share our self stimulation and raise each other to a highly charged release. Still somehow, although I was the only one who was truly able to be in all three bodies, we decided it definitely is not as satisfactory. We have a deep need to hold each other. Thinking back on it, I found that as remarkable as the sex can be for us, I mostly treasure the feeling of their bodies, the holding/cuddling and the scents that are such an important part of them. This might sound crazy - the best of all when loving, is being able to look into their eyes. That is why I have never wanted to make love in darkness.
The day I was moving, Themi posed an interesting suggestion in the form of a question. I could sense his tremendous excitement, awe and fear, so it was a warning that something of great importance, perhaps a radical change to who and what we are, is about to be suggested. I was surprised that Cherine did not sense me and link in.
“The healing/protector power you described? Could you train it to not only repair damage when pain is present? There are a number of things that can go wrong with a human body that do not cause pain. If you could have it maintain a constant vigilance on all three of you, it could keep you at peak health permanently.”
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It was as if he had unveiled the most magical gift so that my joy was like a sun, burning within me. I tried to control myself, so as to explain to him, “It is not interested in me. It cannot or will not repair me unless one of the girls is used as the conduit and she is touching me. Not that it matters, if I can train it, I will be content knowing I am keeping them healthy.”
He was vehement as he answered, “No, it must be done in such a way that it includes you! One of the benefits of such health is bound to be a greatly increased life span. If it sees ageing as a form of illness, as many scientists already believe it is, it might extend your lives far beyond anything known to Man. They would be unhappy to know they will outlive you by so many years. Please do not try to be altruistic about this…would you truly be willing to leave them on their own for hundreds of years without your protection?”
Gratefully I smiled at him. “You are already saving me from making mistakes, thank you.” I was already unstable because of being cut off from Cherine and with the fierce joy coursing through me, I could not help myself, I leant forward and hugged him. My feelings, the warning I had thought I sensed, it was just as portentous as I’d feared. If what he suggests is possible, it will not only alter us dramatically, even free me of some of my fears, it could end up altering all of mankind someday. If so, it must be known to all, at that time, that the idea came from Themi.
In the late afternoon I sat in the car as Themi slowly drove through the heavy traffic. I had been cut off, only faintly aware of our link, for too long. I was nauseous from the emptiness within and the glare of the sun shining on the white houses was not helping. My whole body was aching from the days of deprivation. For the hours I was blocked each day, my every cell was strained as if my body were searching, striving to reach out. I thought of my little Cherine and how I have made her suffer this way so many times.
My poor little one, she has suffered more in her short time with me than in the whole of her life. I swore to never again cause her such pain, but even as I did, in some corner of my mind I knew that it is an oath I am unlikely to keep for long. It is as if we are fated to hurt each other. It does not make sense, not with the love that binds us - it can only be found to make sense if the hurting is needed for us to break out of the cocoon of being normal human beings, to become a future mutation which will enable us to grow, to achieve something close to our true potential as life forms.
I was expecting Alki to be at the house, so I was not caught unawares when he came out. He told me to make myself comfortable, he just needs a moment with Themi. I was eager to pass on to him the idea Themi had given me, but I left it for when he rejoins us.
As I entered the lounge I staggered. Not only was I caught unprepared when I saw my two loves, Cherine chose that exact moment to unblock me from both of them. I felt them and allowed the sense of excitement and joy from them, but tried as hard as I could to block the reasons from filtering through to my mind; I was determined not to spoil this special moment for them. On the other hand, they had an instant of suffering my feelings, but the rapid changes in me carried them along so that they were not given the time for them to suffer on my behalf. For maybe a minute or two we three lost ourselves in the ecstasy of being one again. Gently, slowly, we returned to our senses, but our inner worlds were nothing as they had been minutes earlier; it felt as if I were now lit with a golden brilliance within. We delayed, afraid to speak, wanting this moment to last for as long as possible. Then I realised I could not sense Alki within the vicinity. I had been set up - Alki did not return.
For the moment, it did not matter, not as much as it should, for after weeks of being separated I was delirious, a-swirl with emotions. As the three of us held each other, I felt them draw me out, calling to me, without I think either of us knowing where we are going, or caring that we don’t. By the time we knew where we are, it was too late for either of my loves to fear, for there was nothing for us to fear.
We danced in ecstasy a three dimensional ballet with the only music our joy and love. We allowed the edges of ourselves to mingle, absorbing and being absorbed. The yearning to be one was growing uncontrollably, our mingling became deeper by each heartbeat until I felt I was more Cherine and Dommi than Robert. In the back of my mind there was a tiny sliver that watched and recognised the danger, but I could not pull out. I called for the protector. The ball of white/ultra violet light danced at the edge of our swirling orbits, but it could not see any danger to us. The sight of it helped me to gain some small self-control. I was able to send it an explanation, warning it that if we merged totally, our bodies would die. It felt the echo of my fear for the girls. I warned it to be gentle when it separates us.
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It still did nothing and I forgot about it in my ecstatic dance frenzy. Something surrounded us and as our orbits about each other grew tighter and tighter, merging more of ourselves into one, it settled like a mantle upon us and drew us in to a unification never before experienced. We imploded.
I, Cherine/Robert/Dominique, one and inseparable. The essence of our personalities/characters, our souls merged and I/we were one new being. I (the new ‘I’) gloried in our newness, in the miracle of my existence, all the love the three had previously carried for each other now one center of love. I shimmered and glowed, revolving in the void. I was/am the true glory of the Kaleidoscope World. My force of life and all the glorious emotions of love, happiness, joy, sexual passions, of generosity and caring, glowing within and without.
I felt all that I am made up of, the three identities, with their bodies waiting together in another dimension. I saw the need for them to complete the span of their lives so that they/I be fully enriched. I faintly, indistinctly, saw the future beings waiting for them, so that they can be created and become part of the I that we/I am then. I saw there is a risk. There are a multitude of possibilities and only a few of them lead to the I coming together again. That evolved I of the future showed I have to take the risk, or else I will never reach my true potential. Gentle in my love I re-arranged myself and sent the three identities back to their bodies.
Chapter Twenty Three
The girls were upset by my attitude, by my reaction to being a part of the Kaleidoscope World. To them, it had seemed to be some kind of heaven, the acme of all we could ever hope to be. It was not so for me. I was compelled to explain, but I knew it would take more than my explanations for them to understand. Only time and experience can lead them to an understanding of their own, but nothing that prosaic is going to stop me from trying.
“I’m sorry, but I have a need to know that I exist. Loving the two of you as much as I do, how can I love you if I am a part of you. The process of achieving that oneness is love, the achieving of it is the death of that love. My lovely ladies, I would enjoy and look forward to being that new, what shall we call it, super ‘I’ is not right, if it were a culmination of our feelings and then we were to return back to ourselves, maybe wiser and stronger, but back to where we can love each other. To not exist as a ‘we’ but only as an ‘I’ anymore, that I do not accept.”
“Are you saying you did not sense yourself in that oneness Robert?”
“No I did not, not at the time. I now identify that super ‘I’ as myself thinking, feeling what ‘I’ did. But it was not at the time I…me. There was no love in me for you two. There was only love for the compounded self, which I admit reached out to love all of creation, but not in particular you. I will not allow myself to become anything that cannot love you at least as fully as I do now.”
The girls saw it differently. There was a moment when I wondered whether it is not the cave man in me, whether they are not further up the ladder of evolution. Then I decided it is not important, what matters is who and what I am and the need I have to be, so that I can feel this incredible love and adoration for my two advanced goddesses - or just plainly special girls.
They were touched and did not push the argument, just giving each other the look women give when dealing with a man - something which I find is condescending and insulting in a way. I am also wise enough to know that to protest would be a waste of breath, since sometimes that look is justified.
They turned their attention to other more important matters, despite the burning need in all of us to make love. They led me through the house and I was pleased with it, hardly able to believe we are to live in this beautiful home, until it suddenly dawned on me.
“This is not our home. You two have created a home from my dreams, what I wanted. That is not right, my loves. Those were my dreams; not anymore. I want a home that reflects our family, the three of us.”
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Cherine humphed. “There really is no pleasing our master, is there?”
In mock seriousness Dommi answered her, “You’ll get used to it. All men are the same. Should we let him see the rest?”
“You two are the worst teasers I’ve ever met. Thank god I can see into you and know for sure that you do love me.”
“So now we are teasers! Cherine, let’s show him what real teasing is.” She turned to me, “This way.” she ordered. As we entered the bedroom I saw that this was their room. A strange mixture of their femininity and touches of the childishness of Cherine.
I let out an exasperated sigh. “You even made the bedroom the way I wanted it, can’t you girls think up anything for yourselves?”
Cherine gave way to giggles. Dommi looked at her helplessly for a moment, as if Cherine were betraying her, then she got the giggles as she saw the funny side of it.
“Dommi, maybe we should start dressing him in our clothes also. This is his dream bedroom!” Off they went in a fresh round of laughter. I thought to myself, truly this is why we have hearts; so that we have a place where we can store the magic of those we love, especially their laughter. If so, I hope I soon run out of space and need to form a second heart.
I gave them and myself a moment to enjoy their laughter and then told them as earnestly as I could, “Last year I dreamed of having a woman in my life who would want a room like this. I had decided that would never happen. I saw an endless emptiness in front of me. So yes, laugh, but this is my dream bedroom.”
Dommi sat on the bed, her head bowed. “I really don’t deserve so much love from you after the...”
I stopped her by lifting her face and kissing her. “Don’t get all Greek on me, no melodrama today - there is bound to be more than enough of that when we share with Alki what we did today. We have to find a way to show him, as soon as we can. But for now, this is our day. My wives are back with me; our love has survived the test of being separated. We achieved our oneness for the first time ever, all three of us. We danced to our love in the void as souls. Now we only need laughter and joy. We need to love the humanity, the warmth of our bodies, so that we can spend the rest of our lives building from this day.”
Eyes shining Dommi reached for me. She began to undo my belt and tugged my trousers down. Cherine reached up and undid my shirt. They soon had me totally undressed. I reached out my hand and they pulled back. “No, just stand there, we want to look at you.”
I felt my half rigid penis grow in hardness as they sat on the bed, side by side and looked at me. There was no embarrassment, I knew their eyes were seeing me through their love. I remember a friend at school, a good looking blonde giant with a gentleness unusual in someone of that age, who fell in love with a girl we all thought was extremely ugly. His words had struck me even then. “If only you could see her through my eyes.” Yes Peter, I now know what you meant.
Cherine got up and walked around me, followed by Dommi. Small hands, such tiny fingers, softly started to pass over my skin as she circled me. As she came around me to the front again she lightly kissed my stomach and continued her circling. Behind me I felt her lips on my buttocks, a light kiss for each cheek. Dommi kissed me on my back, over the spine but lower than my shoulder blades. Then her fingers lightly pulled up my hair and her lips softly nuzzled the nape of my neck. I shivered. This was delicious. She came forward and her lips reached for my ear. I expected a light feathery kiss so the shock shot straight down my belly when her teeth lightly nipped me and then her tongue licked my inner ear. She pulled away slightly and breathed in my ear. This was powerful stuff, making my knees tremble. They felt me and withdrew.
They knelt in front of me and ran the palms of their hands over the tops of my toes, my feet and slowly up my legs. Dommi recovered herself and pulled back. “Lie down on your stomach.” I pulled off the bed cover and lay down obediently. Well, most of me lay down.
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου
(Alexander Zenon Eustace)4th March, 2019
- posted on Steemit: 4th March, 2019
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