Alki smiled, taking a dig at me even as he spoke of the feelings in his heart. “If you manage to complete the series, you are going to make her a very rich woman. I am honoured that you asked me and very proud of you Robert.” Now her pert little face came alive. This was something she understood.
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As Alki carefully re-wrapped the picture, he pointed out to me, “Under Greek law we have a problem. Dominique is not twenty one yet.”
“I do not want a Greek Trust. I suggest Isle of Man, or whatever other offshore Trust your attorneys recommend.”
“Good thinking. From when can she have…no, today is not the day to discuss such details. We discuss it with the legal people. Now Cherinaki tell me, why your eyes are so bright suddenly?”
“You said I’m going to be rich.”
“That is true. You want to be rich?”
“Yes!!”
Dominique tousled her hair. “Cher you are already rich.”
“I’m talking about money!”
“So am I. You forget my little sister, we are family now. Whatever Robert and I have already belongs to you. You only have to tell us what you want.”
“Anything?”
“Yes my love.”
I cut in, “No. Not anything. I will be the final judge on that.” She felt the strict mood I was in, but decided to ignore it or test me.
She asked Dommi, “But if it is your money and I want something, you can give it to me, Robert doesn’t have to say yes, does he?”
“Cher, I said all our money belongs to all of us. But even if I had not, do you think I would go against Roberto? Would you, really?”
“No.” I could see it hurt her to admit it.
Dominique was not about to let it go at that though. “Cherine, to me a man must be the boss of the family. I am telling you now, I adore you, but I will never side with you against him. He is a very rare and special man. If he says ‘no’ then it is no, on anything he says. I have trusted him with my life, with my name. Do you think I could ever say I do not trust him on anything else?”
“I am sorry Robert, I was silly. You will not say ‘no’ if I really want something.”
“I may. Whatever you are, in other matters you are still a child. A brilliant child but still…however, anything you need, that is another matter. I would never say ‘no’.”
If anyone had previously asked me, I think I would have said I would want my woman to be a modern woman, since I also believe in equality of the sexes (the true kind, not the kind the modern ‘Globalist’ feminists promote), yet, when Dommi said what she did, I found myself overcome with love for her. Now that I had dealt with Cherine and her expectations, I stood up and going to Dominique, I stood behind her and putting my arms around her shoulders, I leaned over to kiss her, to thank her.
As I was lowering my face to her, my heart was bursting with love and gratitude for her presence and my strongest need was to feel her inside my mind, to become one with her. Cherine tried to help and I was struck by a blinding flash of light. I collapsed over her and slid onto the floor.
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PART THREE
Chapter Seventeen
As I opened my eyes I saw above me Alki holding Cherine, and Dommi slouched in her chair, face ashen. They were both still unconscious. As I moved, he sighed. “Roberto what happened? What do we do? Are you alright?”
“I don’t know. Oh god, I’m alone!”
Though I was still woozy I raised myself in a panic. I could see Dominique was coming around, but Cherine was still out. She was not emoting. As I was reaching her, I suddenly realised my gift is still working. I could still sense what her body is feeling, though largely muted. She was alive! I staggered in relief. Her eyes were just opening as I stood next to Dominique. I laid my hand on her shoulder to give her a reassuring squeeze. I was hit by another flash and crumbled again.
This second ‘attack’ or whatever it was, did not have the same strength, but we all were weaker. I crawled back to Cherine, without touching Dominique this time. Again Dominique recovered first, her eyes were full of fear, but all my body, my every atom was straining at reaching Cherine. I could feel myself beginning to dissolve without her, with the fear of losing her.
When she finally stirred, her eyes fluttering, I knew I could wait for her now. Gingerly I touched her with a fingertip. No flash. I hugged her to me, my mind crying for her. In the middle of it she reconnected us and they all heard me, including Alki. It was a cry of agony and infinite yearning, of terror, the cry of a baby abandoned. It was the cry of a soul torn apart.
I fell to my knees in front of her, my face in her lap as she lay on Alki. I was racked by my sobs, but yet my mind was able to send her such a raw blast of love and need for her that she reeled. Because of her weakened state, her daze, she did not mute her sharing with Dominique and Alki felt it too.
On wobbly legs we moved into the house, Alki shepherding us, so that the neighbours do not see any more. As we collapsed onto our seats, I was already feeling what is different. With difficulty I tried to explain the little I understood.
“I’m sorry. It was all my fault.” I breathed harshly, trying to carry on. “The power that came to me Cherine, when you kicked me, that is responsible. It seems to have connected a part of my brain, like opening a new door. Because we were already connected so deeply, it felt like a natural extension of our union. As I went to Dominique, to give her a hug and kiss for filling me with so much love, you sensed my feelings and multiplied them and I presume sent them to Dominique. She did not know I was yearning, from the deepest part of my heart, for me to be able to sense her, directly experience what I call her signature. Last night my behaviour had stirred up a cauldron, my paternal, maybe even maternal, instincts were raging, looking for a way to solve the problem, as I see this gift as an important way for me to protect my two girls. It is much more than just a way to spy on your physical sensations.
I think all this, with the help of Cherine, opened another door in my brain. But here was no person already attuned to me, this was relatively a stranger. I had experienced her soul, the heart of her being, but it had been second-hand. My subconscious I think fought it off as an attack on me. When that flash struck me, it was trying to close the door. It managed to close it to a large extent. So when I touched you Dominique, and your sensation of being touched tried to come to me, we had the second attack. If we had not already been weakened, if we had known what to expect, we could have controlled it I think.
Cherine, you were hit the hardest and that is your fault. You have been so terrified of something happening to me, you have been extending yourself to absorb and prevent any damage to me. Am I right?…I thought so. I should have been the hardest hit, yet both of you were hit harder. Thank god you were not linked to Alki.
Dominique, my prayers have been answered. I am now connected to you. I can vaguely feel you sitting there. I can feel from Cherine your arm around ‘me’. I can also feel ‘my’ arm around Cherine. The signal from Cherine is far stronger, but I think the door to you has not been fully opened yet. I’m afraid that if I try to reach you, or touch you, we will be hit again, but I imagine the attacks will keep getting weaker until the door is permanently opened.” I stopped, giving her an interval to think about it.
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“I suspect that if I do not touch you, with mind or body, if I ignore you, so to speak, the door will close and your presence will fade. It could be a blessing my love. Don’t look hurt, having an option available to you is a blessing, as it means we can sit back and give you the time to make your own choice.
You saw the instant reaction of Cherine when it happened with her, this new union. For one, she is still a child, still flexible where you and I are not. Secondly, we were already so closely linked that again, when she lost her contact with me I felt myself dissolving, only the knowledge that she is still alive saved me, gave me the strength to fight back, to wait for her. To her, as is the truth for me, anything that brings us closer to being one soul, one heart, is natural. I bet my subconscious has given up that fight and will not try to keep us apart, just as it cannot bear for us to be apart. For me it will be wonderful if the same happens with you.
I have spoken of what Cherine and I would want, but we must also consider what you will want, what is acceptable to you. From a certain viewpoint, as most normal people would think of it, if you agree to stay, you have a lot to lose Dominique. You will never again feel you have any privacy. Whatever you do will become part of us. You must think of the little you get back and decide if it is worth losing so much. If you scratch your bum, I will be doing it with you. You let out a fart secretly in company, I will be doing it with you. I know you are a very private person. Can you honestly say you are prepared to make the sacrifice so as to be with us, a part of us?
What I will say next is not a proven fact, but it does make sense to me and I think is likely to happen. I believe that with time, both of you, if you stay, will also be able to share my body from me and from each other. It is an important development, my love, almost what we could call a natural progression, for when it happens, it means I will no longer be sharing from you, we will be sharing from each other. Then nobody will feel they are being spied on.”
Cherine was sitting stiffly, her mind sending me screams of protest, I could feel her/my nails digging into her/my palms. She feared I was trying to push Dommi away, because she knows how conservative Dommi is. Of course I do not want to, but, unfortunately I have to if she is going to become miserable by staying. From an ethical point of view, her decision must be an informed decision, or else we will not be worthy of her love.
“Cherine you must stop monitoring Dominique right now, please stop! No last gift of love, nothing to influence her. Just stop right now! Dommi we will wait for you. I think it is best you go upstairs to be by yourself so that you can think without being influenced by us. Reach into yourself deeply so as to sense how you really feel about becoming one with us. I know what a narcotic the love you have shared is, but if you feel you will start to feel enslaved, used, unhappy about not being your own person anymore, then it is better you say so now. I do not think it means you must never be with us. Once the path is permanently closed between us you can return. But it does mean we must always be vigilant that we do not draw you in too far again.
You do not need me to say how much we love you. I am certain you have actually felt how strong Cherine’s love is. Dommi, you are the warmth in our love. You are the one that keeps us honest, so that we always see ourselves as we are, not as we wish to imagine ourselves. You are mother to Cherine, the mother nature should have given her. You are even mother to me. You are sister and lover. You fill a multitude of places in our hearts, but we must only have you with us if you have absolutely no reservations. Go with our blessing and love.”
Cherine sent me a mental wail. Because I sensed my weakness and how easily I could give in, stupidly, instead of showing I care and bolstering her, I sent her a steely coldness, masking, hiding my own anxiety. I felt her shock - that I could feel that way about her.
She stopped, her pain freezing for a second and then, for the first time, she gave me a look of hatred. I hid behind my shield of coldness. She will not see me this time, I vowed, I will not allow her to sense my weaknesses and pain while she is looking into me without love. I was grateful to Alki for not interfering, but when he got up to move towards Cherine, my eyes warned him. He must have sensed my reasons, for he sat down again, not happy, but I think deciding to trust me.
Even while Dommi was still walking out the door, dazed and in shock, there was a cold feeling of emptiness in the room. I thought, Cherine will never forgive me if this does not work, if she leaves. I was hoping that this cold absence of love would be felt by Dommi also. I knew how difficult it is to live even minutes without love, once anyone has had a taste of it. She has shared so many special moments of being one with us, of being part of our love, can she really live without it? Yes, I felt we had a good chance of her choosing to stay with us, but, I strongly believed, she has to at least have the illusion of choice - and yet I was still terrified she might choose to leave.
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I vowed to myself that I will do all I can to never allow anyone, not Cherine and especially not Dominique, if she decides to leave us, know that my connection with her already exists. If she leaves, it will probably become a curse that hangs heavy on my soul. To know her so intimately, but not to have her as part of our lives, how can I bear it? I knew that if she has other men in her life I will be her, experiencing the lovemaking as her. I will have to adapt, change the way I think, so as to be happy for her and not turn myself into a green-eyed voyeur. I’m not that confident I can, unless Cherine finds a way to help me. If it comes to that, I’ll have to admit the truth to Cherine and ask her to help me change.
Cherine, with the impatience of youth expected an answer within minutes. I had to explain to her that I would not be happy, would not accept such an answer if she decides to stay, if it is given without due consideration. She must weigh all the pros and cons and be absolutely certain in her heart.
At last Alki backed me on this. Then she attacked me on my confrontation with Dominique, why had I done it? Even with the help of Alki, I do not think I was able to convince her. It worried me, if Dominique leaves us, Cherine will hold it against me. I could not bear the thought of her heart holding the tiniest sliver of resentment against me. As close as we are, I would feel that sliver stabbing into my heart all day.
Alki wanted to take us out for a walk in town, to the beach, for a meal, anything to get us out, but neither of us had the heart to leave. We needed to be here should our Dommi want to come to us. I was constantly with Dommi. At first she had lain down and cried. I could feel a physical pain in her chest. Love was hurting her. I had to struggle with my urge to take away her pain. Later, maybe, if she decides to leave. The hours passed and dusk arrived.
“I wonder where your mother is?” Alki asked. “I’m getting worried.”
I looked at Cherine. She just sat there, her face drawn. She was emoting the minimum she could, just barely keeping me connected to her. The question by Alki had awoken a feeling of danger in me. “Cherine, have you checked on your mother?”
She did not answer, not even by looking at me, her face a cold mask and her hands still bunched as fists. If I could have only felt the faintest ache to be held I would have rushed over. Her emotions were icy cold on the surface and I did not know what to do. The room grew dark and Alki put on the lights. Poor man, what problems we have brought into his life.
I felt Dominique get up and from her actions I was able to finally work out that she is packing her suitcase. The ache in her with the actions I’d deduced made it all clear in one heartrending moment. I felt the bottom of my world drop away. I had one short second to see Cherine’s startled face and cry out one word before I was snatched in a storm that carried me away into stygian darkness. It was not a cry for help. It was not even a cry for love. It was a final cry of despair, begging for forgiveness.
“Cherine!!”
Chapter Eighteen
I was hardly aware of myself anymore. It seemed that in the great distance I could see a multitude of tiny lights. Those I seemed to instinctively know were the life-force of humanity on Earth. I was receding from them at a speed. Their disappearance, I knew, meant I would never return, be able to find them again. Even my link to Cherine had disappeared. I sensed myself spreading, disintegrating into non-existence in the darkness. I had no will, nothing in me was fighting to survive. Dimly I was aware I had gambled and lost. Once a soul does not treasure itself, perhaps it stops existing?
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The darkness was absolute. I was fading away like an old photograph. No, my disintegration was more violent that that. The early morning mist melts away as the golden rays of the rising sun touches them; with me it was almost the opposite. I was the warmth of life, a vapour of warmth and I was being eaten away by the cold teeth of the void. Even within the screaming pain, one last image came to what was left of my fading self-awareness, those sequences of the Kaleidoscope World, I would never paint them now. Never show the world the glory of Cherine’s soul. Remembering her, one last tendril of thought searched for the warmth of her, but was too weak and collapsed upon itself.
A glowing mist seemed to be gathering around me. It pleased me that I should dissolve into light instead of darkness. It enveloped me and I lay in it, my last fears and pain gone. If it can be said that my soul slept, so it seemed. Gradually I ‘awoke’ to the sensation of travelling at impossible speed. I saw the light of humanity rushing at us. I wondered why they were travelling to me. Then I sank into a deep long sleep.
I found out later that I lay unconscious for days. Within that time Marian had returned, triumphant. She had met and was to marry a well-off Norwegian. They would be moving to Oslo and she spitefully told Cherine she would never see me or that slut of mine again.
Cherine, already on the verge of breaking, holding on to her sanity only through the love of Dominique and Alki, screamed and lashed out without any control at her mother. Luckily she focussed on her mother only. When her mother recovered hours later, she was met with such a barrage of hate and pain that she was totally incapacitated. Alki wished to save Marian and offered to send her to Athens, to get her away from Cherine, but he was met with such fierce resistance by Cherine he decided to let her make the decisions - especially when she hysterically told him, “If you want to take her away then I have to kill her. She will not kill Robert!” I will always love Alki for not emoting fear of Cherine, for it might have broken her.
I awoke, my mind still so weak and distant, so diffuse that even Cherine, who was closely monitoring me, did not pick up the change. I barely had the strength to breathe and for my heart to continue beating, but none for even the slightest sound to alert them to my return. I heard the voice of Alki as if from a distance.
“You all see Robert as the strongest of you. From what I can see, from the surface of your melting (I was vaguely amused at his mistake) into one group, you have each of you assumed different roles. You Cherine are the source of the power. You are the focus of the group. From you emanates the love and you are the catalyst, awakening powers in others. Dominique you are the anchor, as they call you. Without you they have no home, no base to leave from and return to. You are the ‘mother soul’ of the group. Roberto is the provider, the controller, the protector, the visionary who leads you. Without one of you, the group no longer exists. Any combination of just two of you is not sufficient anymore.
Robert has to be the strongest of you all. As protector he is strong. He will fight any power for the group. But, and this is critical, Roberto is also the weakest of all of you. You all love, are capable of giving love to a degree that is stunning to an ordinary man like me. But each of you reserve a piece of yourself for yourself - what you do is normal, all people do it. You both keep your feet on the ground, so to speak - in other words, your love is capable of making demands, while his makes none, all he can do is accept what you offer. Roberto’s feet can never touch the ground, what we call reality, for those he loves are his ground - you are his reality.
He has the most sensitive soul of all of us. Cherine, you have long seen that I have grown to love him as a son. At first I loved his talent, the bright flame of creativity within him and his open, kind and unspoilt nature. Cherine, such a nature among our great artists is rare. As I came to know him and recognise how vulnerable he is, how honest, with a heart clear as a crystal, open to all who wish to look, I came to love him as the son I never had. When I first met you, my heart was aching for him, for I saw his love for you and I thought his commitment to you was bound to cause him great pain. I did not know about your talents. I did not know you. I only knew that he had been hurt by Dominique and now he had given his heart even more deeply, to you. He could not hide how much he loved you, you could see that too? I thought there is no way any girl, however sweetly she grows up could give him what he needed. I saw a future of pain for my Roberto and I was distressed, but I was also happy for him, that he had or would have at least some time of love, as he needed it. Cherine, Dominique, I am sorry, as I said I did not know you, I could not foresee how you would develop. Now I know I was wrong. The two of you are the only ones who can give him what he needs and I know you will. I thank you and give you all my love for that.”
He was silent for a while. I wanted them to know I was awake, but I had no strength, no power. I could not sense any of them. Without Cherine in me I felt as if I truly was nothing. Alki spoke again.
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“Poor Roberto, he is an artist with the soul of an artist. He is too sensitive. He will be a warrior for you and you can lean on him safely. But if one of you attacks him in any way, he will crumble. He has no weapons of self-defence against those he loves. Rather than protect himself and maybe hurt one of you, he will sacrifice himself. Can the two of you love and protect him from yourselves? Can you make all the small sacrifices if need be, so that he can be whole and be there to love and protect you?”
“Alki, I do not understand. I have searched my heart all these days. How could he have been attacked? I had decided I could not live without his and Cherine’s love. I was coming to tell him. I even packed my clothes to move in with him. How could my privacy matter where it has to do with so much love?”
“I do not know kori mou.”
“I know. It was me! When we were waiting for you I was so angry with him that I made myself cold and hard. I had to keep the link, I would never think of closing that, even if I could, not only for him, it would hurt me also. But I refused to let him see or feel any love. I just let him share the minimum emotion needed to keep the link, for it to get through to him. I could feel he was hurting, in agony and I turned my heart from him. You heard, it was not Dominique who hurt him, he did not cry out ‘Dominique’ in despair. He called my name.
He did die Alki, just like my father did.” She cried out in despair, “I had to search so hard for him. I would never have found him if he had not thought of me as he was disappearing. I could not get all of him back. What of that part of the heart of his soul which I lost, I could see it was taken from the center of him! What will I do now? Why won’t he wake up? Did I lose the most important part of him?” She was weeping uncontrollably. I felt only the slightest emotion, could not seem to force her to sense me. The fact that she had not mentioned that it was I who had first sent her the coldness, leading to her responding in kind to me, helped warm my heart with love again.
“K’leidoscope World.” I managed to mumble.
The girls jumped up and ran to me, with Alki not far behind them. As they looked into my open eyes they touched me, held me. I felt nothing. As my eyes closed I heard her despairing cry, “I cannot hear him!”
When I awoke again, they were all sitting by me. I carried on my thought as if there had been no interruption. “Thought of Kaleidoscope World.”
Gently Alki spoke. “She is this Kaleidoscope World of yours?” I nodded slightly, already exhausted.
Cherine brought her thin face to me. “Please don’t sleep. I cannot bear it, please let me in, let me hear you. If I hurt you, I’m sorry.” Tears fell down her face that was so thin and drained. I managed to lift my hand, put a finger to a tear.
“Not you. Not just you. Me. Stupid.” Weary I felt the world fade again and slept.
It must have been the early hours of morning when I woke again. They were still by me. Alki rushed off and returned with warm chicken soup. They would not let me talk, insisting I eat first. Dominique fed me like a child. I looked at them, tears in my eye corners and slept.
When I woke up again, the sun was shining through the windows. Only Dominique was awake. Cherine was sleeping, her head on her lap. Dommi woke her.
“Robert, how are you now, are you hungry?”
Their concern was a distant thing. Though I was physically stronger I was detached, I could not feel any emotion. I did not care, yet there was underlying it all a vague sense of duties I had to perform. With their help I managed to raise myself. Dominique held me up as I tried to go to a bathroom. When I got to the stairs, I just stared at them and tears began to flow. Tenderly Dominique looked me in the eyes.
“Do you need to go to the toilet Roberto?” I sat down on the stair, not speaking. “We can bring you a pot Roberto. You are too weak to climb the stairs.”
The humiliation got through to me, I could not use a pot while I did not feel loved. I had to get up those stairs. They helped me stand again, with Alki arriving, they helped me up, a stair at a time.
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Alki asked, “Where are you trying to go Roberto?”
Dommi told him, “He needs to go to the toilet Alki.”
“But we can bring you a pot, it…”
“We have already offered. He refuses.”
Alki insisted, “But why, I thought you three had got beyond modesty of that kind?”
Cherine, her voice filled with pain and a heart that always sees deeper into me than I expect, explained, “I cannot hear him anymore. He is not a part of me, that is why. Oh Alki, what can I do? I can’t live like this. I need him.”
He touched her face, struggling with me at the same time. “You must be strong, he is ill, be patient. He is now over the worst. He will soon be back, good as new.”
“Not back. Dead.”
They came to a sudden halt, nearly making me fall. My knees were giving way. Alki and Dominique let me down on the top stair. My eyes were lost in that darkness, that completely dark void. I felt the tears on my cheeks and the hot wetness in my pants as I kept on mumbling “Dead”.
Alki picked me up and carried me to my bed. From afar I heard the girls ask Alki to bring more soup while they cleaned and changed me.
The next two days saw me regain some of my strength. I was still lost though in the void. There was no mist of light this time. I was totally alone. I knew that something was wrong, but had difficulty in concentrating. Looking at Cherine something stirred in me.
“Mother”
“What mother? Oh, you mean my mother.”
“Die.”
“No, just sleeping.”
“No. Die”
She did not understand and I got very frustrated. I kept mumbling, “no die, no die”
“Cherine I think he is worried about your mother. Is that it Robert?” Dominique looked in my eyes. “That is it! Cherine, have you checked on your mother, is she alright?”
“Yes. She is just sleeping.”
“You see Robert, Marian is alright. Cherine is watching her. Don’t worry, everything is alright.”
“No! No die.”
“Oh my god! Cherine, he must have heard you say you would kill her!” They looked at me, their faces distraught, but I was still trying to get my message through.
“No die. Sleep die, no die.”
“Alki, what is he trying to say? I don’t understand.” Dominique was close to tears.
“What I’ve been trying to tell you. You, sorry, Cherine is keeping her prisoner by making her sleep. You let her come to for some food and knock her out again. You will kill her. No human being can stay alive for long like that.”
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I managed to say, thanks to the panic growing in me, “Wake.”
Cherine got up, her hands on her hips as she faced me. “I will not wake her. She wants to take me far away. She said she will never let me see you again. I will not let her!”
“Wake. Bring.”
“Cherine, you do not have a choice anymore. At a time like this, how can you refuse him? Cherine, if Robert says you must wake her, then you do so. And bring her here.” Dominique was firm and there was a hint of anger in her voice. This seemed to subdue Cherine more than Alki had done.
“She is waking up. I’m not going to fetch her though.”
“Tell me when and I will go.”
When she came in, it was obvious she was still in a daze and leaning on Dommi. Her face showed the effects of her daughter’s hate attack.
I sought Alki with my eyes. He came to my side, leaning close to hear. “Cub. Fierce.”
He whispered, “Yes, you were right. She frightens me.”
“No. You pappou.”
Alki turned and saw Cherine was next to him, she had been listening.
“He tells me I must not be afraid of you, that I am your pappou.”
“No. Robert is saying I cannot hurt you because I love you. He is wrong pappou. I love him more than all the world, but look at what I did to him.” She was crying and as Alki pulled her to him she flung her arms around him.
“Soup.”
They brought me some and I got frustrated again. This time Cherine picked it up. Her face glowed again as she told them. “No, he does not want the soup. Robert, what do you want?”
“Soup, Marian.”
When she was more recovered she finally noticed me. Lethargically, but still forcing myself to talk I asked them to bring her closer. She was wary, but she also could see that I was no threat to her.
In a dull voice she asked, “What do you want?”
“Dam…damaged. She cross.” I took a few breaths. “Warned you.”
“God, she did this to you also?” Now she was truly frightened. She knew how Cherine loves me, if she could do this to me, what would she do to her mother! “I told you, she is a devil.”
“No. No do me. Take love…away. Huuurt!” Tears were blurring my eyes. “Please help.”
Some spirit returned to her voice. “How am I supposed to help, she is trying to kill me, me her own mother. What makes you think I would help you anyway.”
“No. Help her…she die I die you take. Other plan. Make. Please!”
“Marian, can I try to explain?” Dominique spoke gently. “What Robert is trying to say is that you said you were going to take Cher away. That will kill Robert but it will also kill Cherine. He is asking you to try and make some other plan.”
Marian pointed at me. “And who made him like that! That she-devil, not me!”
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“Marian, it was an accident. He thought I was leaving and that Cherine was angry with him.”
“No. She strong. Hurt me. Maybe kill.” I looked at her, not wanting to see the shocked faces around me. “If not get…what want, kill you. Change plan. Please”
“I knew it! I knew it!” She looked with fear at her daughter and whispered to me. “What must we do?”
“Alki…Alki.” He moved close. “You help. Please? Tell him.”
She whispered to him, “Robert told me the truth, that she-devil also tried to kill him. He is afraid if I try to take her she will kill him and me!” Her eyes were large, “He wants you to help us. What must we do?”
“Dominique. Cherine. The two of you go downstairs, leave us alone.” Rebellious as ever Cherine made to stay, but Dominique put her arm around her, whispered and they left.
“I cannot help if you do not do your part.” His eyes were stern.
“Anything. I cannot live like this anymore.”
“Marian, calm down. Now think first, then tell me the truth, what is really in your heart. You want to marry the Norwegian?”
“Oh him! By now he’s long gone. It was one of those things of the moment. When she made me a prisoner and I did not return, he must have sobered and left.”
“I am sorry. Roberto did try hard to explain to you, to warn you. Your daughter is very powerful. Luckily she only uses her power for love. But anyone, you, I, threaten her loved ones, she reacts like a child. She does not have the morals of an adult yet. See what happened to him? Did you know that he actually died? She went after him and brought him back. She could not bring all of him back, a part of his soul had disintegrated by the time she found him and he will have to grow back into a full person again. He has lost the ability to communicate with her, or whatever it was he did. She still loves him though. She still needs him, and now she also has the guilt to live with. If you try to take her away again, this time she will kill you. These last days, we tried to stop her putting you to sleep, but we could not, because of her fear of you. The only person she will listen to is Robert. He made her let you go.”
“Why. Why did you make her let me go. Why would you do that for me if I…”
Alki tried to stop her. “I do not think he can talk anymore. He has spoken to you more words than he has used since he returned. He must have been really desperate to save you.”
“Guilt.”
“You felt guilty? But I...”
“No. She guilt…kill mother.”
Alki made to explain but she waved him silent. “I may have acted stupid, but I’m not that stupid. He does not want her to have the guilt of killing her mother. So, now you tell me Alki, what do I do.”
Alki said, “I asked you to look deep in your heart. Do you, underneath your fear, still love Cherine?”
“I cannot live with her. I would be living in fear all the time.”
“I am told you have a job in Piraeus and you travel a long way every day. I suggest you take a flat nearby your work. You live your life, free again. Let Cherine live with Dominique and Robert. He will need both of them to recover and Cherine needs him, he is the only person who can control her when she reacts to events like the child she is. That way you could still see her whenever you want.”
“How can you say he can control her - he told me she tried to kill him.”
110
“I’m sorry, I’d thought you had understood. She did not try to kill him by attacking him. She was angry and withdrew her love from him. That was what killed him. He was dead Marian. No heartbeat, no breath. She risked her life and went after him, brought him back. Can you imagine that! What courage, what love! A small girl cheating death!!”
“But then he cannot control her!”
“Isn’t it strange? He is totally at her mercy, yet he controls her with his love.”
I no longer felt the urgency to fight off the darkness that was calling me. The last thing I heard was her agreeing to the proposal.
That night the girls slept on either side of me. Their presence held the darkness distant and I had my first night of true sleep. In the morning the girls dressed me, packed the bags and I was carried to the yacht in a chair by four islanders. I slept the whole trip back with both girls holding me. Later, Alki was to joke about what happened during the trip. The weather had not been as calm and it was freezing cold, so Marian had stayed in the lounge most of the trip so as to avoid looking at her daughter lying next to me. A few hours before arriving, perhaps compelled by curiosity, she entered the bedroom, saw us asleep and covered all three of us, her face a study of angry bewilderment. Luckily Alki is not like me, he does not need to keep on proving he is witty, so he did not make any comment to her.
Back at home, Cherine silently watched her mother take her clothes and other personal items, waited until her mother left with Alki, then she brought her things down and Dominique re-arranged my things so that there would be space for their clothing. We learnt later that Alki has continued paying the rent for the upstairs flat, in case we need it, so whatever possessions Cherine or Marian left behind are not lost to them.
Because of the delay in returning caused by me, we arrived just in time for the first day of school. Dominique takes and collects Cherine from school. Despite the youth of both of them, their devotion to me is unrelenting. Apart from school and homework, which Dominique insists on supervising, they have no interest in going out or watching videos or anything else. They spend hours each day holding me and I sleep my nights in their arms. Though we all sleep in the nude, there is not a hint of sexual arousal by any of us, they are only tender and loving. If they run their hands over me, which they often do, it is to remind me of their physical presence, or to show me they still love me or to massage me, so as to try and keep my muscles supple.
They both lost weight and Cherine began to look like a starved suffering child from a war zone. The school were worried. Alki was worried. He has become a frequent visitor, bringing everything he can imagine the girls might enjoy eating, including mezedes and cooked food from the Foinicas, a good taverna.
He tried getting me to talk. He talked about the girls, how they need me, but never by shaming me into making more of an effort. He keeps hoping that if I am reminded how much I love the girls, I’ll make the decision to get better. The only reaction he gets are the tears that fill my eyes - and I’m ashamed to admit that at least half the tears are out of self pity. He ignored my tears and encouraged me, with help, to get out of bed and walk to the sitting room. Sitting up for a few hours each day and being able to use the bathroom on my own, once they’ve left me at the door, has made a difference.
One day he talked about the business, the side of it which he knows interest me the most, the art pages. He began to keep me up-to-date as to how many people are writing in, asking when the new sequel to the Kaleidoscope World will appear, plus what other comments are made. He told me how much the series has already made, showed me the Trust he set up for Cherine. When he told her how much money she already has, he was disheartened by her total lack of interest.
One morning, about two months after returning home, Dominique returned from taking Cherine to school, with a package. She opened it and handed me an artists pad of paper and pencils, similar to what she had seen me use at Ydra.
“It is time for you to draw another Kaleidoscope World.”
I just lay there, blankly staring at the pad.
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου
(Alexander Zenon Eustace)27th February, 2019
- posted on Steemit: 27th February, 2019
If you wish to have your name added above, I would be honoured.
