PERSPECTIVES, COMMUNICATIONS AND REFLECTIONS
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Birthday Intermission
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
I grew up in a family where people didn’t talk. It always seemed to me that if there was something that was uncomfortable, we would just pretend it wasn’t happening. It was easier to ignore the “problems” and just go away than it was to face and talk about whatever was bothering us.
I carried a lot of this type of behavior into my adulthood, and over into raising my children. Though I did my best to break the mold I grew up in, I could have been way better at addressing things when they came up instead of just hoping/assuming things would always work out.
I always wanted the very best for my kids (as most parents do). I wanted to provide them everything - for their friends too - and give them the best life they could possibly have. I felt I teetered between giving them too much, and encouraging them to take responsibility for themselves. I could see in some ways I was over compensating for their dad being gone, and at the same time getting frustrated for not getting what I felt I deserved in return. The kids also had some things that they didn’t talk about either. Being frustrated and not talking much about it is a poor combination.
Quinn didn’t get in the middle of any situations that arose, but at one point he did tell me that he felt I had dysfunctional relationships with my children. I didn’t really understand what he was talking about, but I do remember thinking -- “You’re just a kid, and you don’t even have any children! Why would I take advice from someone who has never raised a child?” This was the same kind of response he got from many parents who would ask his advice--to whom he would respond: “Maybe not, but I was a conscious child, and I know how I would have wanted to be treated.” Oooooo….good point! I had to really consider that statement. From which perspective was I choosing to parent?
This wasn’t the first time I was shown that Quinn had a brilliant connection with children. Kids were always attracted to Quinn. They always respected him, loved him, gathered around him, sought his advice, and confided in him. He wasn’t a parent, though exemplified some of the most potent nurturing, responsible, supportive and caring qualities I had ever seen. He held a space where they could be themselves, empowering them to be strong, stable and accountable to and for themselves.
Quinn once had a friend with a two year old boy. This boy would cry almost all the time, even through the pacifier he constantly had in his mouth. The mom was dealing with relationship issues and the child was reacting to her stress and frustration about being an overwhelmed single mom. Once when she was at her wits end and the child was crying inconsolably, Quinn scooped up the boy and held him naked chest to naked chest. The child’s sobbing body was nested in the crook of Quinn’s elbow, while the child’s head pressed in relief over Quinn’s heart. Quinn’s gentle sway immediately calmed the boy as he carried him around the pool deck for several hours. The boy wasn’t asleep, but was melted in Quinn’s arms in a connection I could only call divine. I was incredibly moved by their interaction. I had never seen this child so calm or at ease, and never a man so sensual with nurturing feminine grace.
I realized this 24 year old had an even deeper perspective on the ease of raising children than I did. He also never shied away from talking about things like I did. There was never anything he wouldn’t be able to hear or share. His example showed me how limited I was in being open to giving and receiving, and how poor my communication skills were.
Quinn also showed me how my children were a reflection of me, just as the two year old boy was a reflection of his mother, and a reflection of Quinn. There was no denying that children are sensitive to vibration. I began to see myself in every situation -- both those that felt good, and those that felt bad. I wish I had known all along that my world revolved around me and that everything in my experience matched my own frequency--I was essentially responsible for it ALL! Keeping my own vibration in check in every situation was incredibly challenging. I began to really see myself in others--they were indeed showing me who I really was.
I still had a lot to learn about being a parent, though I felt I was doing a way better job than my friends or family. Sometimes I forgot to tune into the perspective of my children, as I was often busy being both parents, and trying to figure my own shit out! I had some regrets about the way I handled some things with regard to my children and I wasn’t always the very best mom I could be. Damn! Why couldn't I just have the answers and do a better job?
Becoming aware of what I was doing (essentially the outcome of how I was BEing) was sometimes frustrating and complicated the situation. Instead of one dysfunction, now I had two ---not doing my best as a parent--and judging myself on top of it. Double whammy and a perpetual endless cycle!! Aargh!
Go with me on the journey toward Unconditional Love!
Stay Tuned for Part 17
