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It is so frustrating not being able to walk freely without exertion, breathlessness, fatigue, and pain. They do not go away and have been with me for many years now. I remember the time when my spine bone is collapsing I felt this stabbing sensation on my side and wasn't able to walk for a week. Upon walking after that week things changed.
The collapsing spine bone gradually had been squeezing my lungs. At first it feels like that my lungs are being squeezed when I walk because it is really what it was. Then it came to a point that every slight exertion that I do makes me run out of air. I would just stoop down like a Japanese bowing to an emperor than I would catch my breath.
It is not just breathlessness is my issue but also my marked weakness. Then there is also the stiffness when I get up or lay down on my bed, I would feel the curvature of my spine straightening gain as it conforms to the contour of the flat bed. So it scares me how soft my spine is so I am careful not to over exert myself lest I will get the risk of a possible paralysis god forbid that from happening.
Now that every joint in my body is affected it gives me a lot of unsolicited pain whenever I walk so it terrifies me to walk or even sit for so long because my joints now are not healthy anymore. What is painful is that my expensive medicine isn't curing it well enough, just enough to keep my nose up from the water is what it is doing.
So I am just thankful and grateful that even though I am like these in a very hopeless situation I still keeping it all together with my mental state of mind. All I need is the love that I get from family and particularly this community at steemit, they changed my life and they are my hero and may God bless and keep them all.
My goals are still set and I am determined to achieve it so I can move forward and not get idle otherwise I will certainly lose my sanity over these kinds of suffering, a twin brother that I do not want and yet a part of my lifetime already.