It’s been a full 24 hours since @calumam posted the POB Word Of The Week post shocking the community into confusion and I noticed it has been eerily quiet surrounding the pob-wotw tag.
What does Cal mean by his post?
What the heck is the new word of the week?
Why would you do this to us Cal? WHY?!
Cal is a smart cookie as he is been ‘offline’ since the post went online (or atleast it looks that way in Discord)
So what to do?
I’ll do what I feel is right.
But that doesn’t mean that I am right before anyone starts taking my way of doing things and spins it into their own little post.
The word of the week is whatever I want it to be. So I am going to write about a topic that I was wishing and hoping would be the POB Word Of The Week sometime soon. So now I’ve decided it is (for myself).
The POB Word Of The Week is
Home
Home, for me it is a feeling.
I can live in the most beautiful house ever and it can not feel like home to me.
Home is where I feel most myself, fully relaxed and at peace.
But home is something that has torn me apart many a time in my life.
See home is a complicated thing when suddenly I have several homes and yearn to be in each of them at the same time.
Let me elaborate.
I was born in Rotterdam in The Netherlands.
This is my city and I call myself a Rotterdammer, not a Dutch person.
But I have family in the UK aswell.
And that feels a little bit like home to me.
Manchester to be exact.
So whenever I am in Rotterdam, I had to miss my family in the UK. And vice versa.
But then came the big move to Spain when I was 7 and I got even more confused.
I loved our home in Spain and up until a few years ago it was the last place that really truly felt like home to me but there always was a yearning to be in the UK and Rotterdam too.
The desire to be in Rotterdam grew so large at one point that I decided to move back to the city when I was just 16 years old. Leaving my mum in Spain and living with my father for the first time in over 8 years.
That was the start of probably the worst year of my life and also where the confusion around home got really really bad.
Home wasn't where I was living with my father. NO WAY. That wasn't MY home although it was his.
But I am his daughter, shouldn't I feel at home in his house?
NOPE.
Due to circumstances, I moved out after a year because I needed to be free so I moved into my first room in the centre of Rotterdam. AND IT WAS GREAT!
It wasn't home at all but it was good.
Then came a period of bouncing between different houses every few months which resulted in me never really settling into a place and always having boxes still packed because inherently there was always a thing inside of me that said 'I'll be moving soon anyway'.
Fast forward 3 years to India.
I went to the South of India to do an internship for six months.
I didn't find a home in a space there but I found a home in India.
The people, the food, the colours, even the smells.
It just clicked.
I was a 20 year old young woman on her own in India (most people were really shocked that I was going there) and I was absolutely loving life.
India just feels like home to me. I could live there for the rest of my life and be content.
After India, I house skipped in Rotterdam for a few years before I went travelling and ended up on the beautiful island of Koh Phangan of Thailand.
Once again, I didn't find home in an actual house but just the island itself.
There is something so so so magical about the island. I just can't explain it.
And now we are here.
For the first time in over 10 years, I have a house in Rotterdam that is home.
It really is home.
It was made home when we got our cat Floki last year.
That was a beautiful realisation to have.
In order for a space to really be home for me, there has to be a cat walking around that is really 'mine'.
Weird huh?
And just the way we have decorated and made this space ours, just makes it home too.
And it just feels right.
And I know that I missed this feeling for so long so now I am grateful to feel it once again.
Home is many things but only you can know what is home for you.
Over and out,
Ashley
Ps. This is my entry for @calumam's POB Word Of The Week (whatever it may be this week! HAHA)
All images made by me in Canva