It is said that a day without laughter is a day wasted. Have you laughed today? If you can’t find any reason to laugh, here’s something to make you laugh.
Sarcasm, bitching, sharp wit, glorious insults … call them what you like. Some of these are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one. - Telegram inviting Winston Churchill to opening night of Pygmalion.
Churchill wired back: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second – if there is one. - George Bernard Shaw
A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband I’d poison your tea.”
He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
Ah, Judge Miller. Your reputation precedes you. I would say it’s a pleasure but my mother taught me never to lie. - Nolan
Ah yes, the Hamptons. If you don’t pretend to forgive everyone that you hate, you never get invited everywhere. - Nolan
Allow me to offer my congratulations on the truly admirable skill you have shown in keeping clear of the mark. Not to have hit once in so many trials, argues the most splendid talents for missing. - Thomas De Quincey
Silent? Ah, he is silent! He can keep silence well. That man’s silence is wonderful to listen to. - Thomas Hardy
He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
Yes madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill
If I am silent, it’s because there’s thunder inside me. Or, I’m just chilling, it depends. May the odds be ever in your favour. - Unknown
When he is best, he is a little worse than a man; and when he is worst, he is little better than a beast. - William Shakespeare
You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It’s really funny. - Brandon Sanderson
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